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I guess I have known for a long time that I'm a lesbian, but it's been something that has been difficult for me to fully accept. A couple years ago, I came out to my parents and while they are still not fully comfortable with it, I feel I can ease more and more into being me. By this, I mean that I am slowly but surely making more of an effort to go out dating and try to connect with other lesbians. I never see myself as being loud and proud...I just want to feel totally comfortable being me.

 

With that being said, I have joined a dating site and have managed to meet some great people. I prefer meeting people through talking first, since I'm not a bar or club kind of person. The first person I started dating really seemed amazing. She's smart, outgoing and has pretty similar interests. She initiated contact and really spoiled me with the amount of contact. She kept saying she didn't want a relationship, but kept setting up dates and was always the first to contact me. After several dates that went really well, it all stopped. I understood the terms of her not wanting a relationship, but to have great communication to only completely stop and have me drag out why it all stopped really irked me.

 

After that, I kept myself distracted and had actually been communicating with another great woman before I even had met up with the other one. However, the first girl who I had been communicating with didn't seem to be as great of a match. Still, you never really know until you meet them. So we went on a date and enjoyed a nice lunch and conversation, which then lead to me inviting her to a movie later that evening. I was going with a friend and asked her to come along as well. Again, things went really well and not too many days later, I was invited to her home. We watched movies and got along super well. I was really into this girl. Maybe a week had passed and then we decided to go out for drinks. Unfortunately, things got carried away and it lead to drunkenly making out. She told me several times she likes me. I can feel myself getting really attached and no, I don't mean as in wanting to move in with her and moving at a rapid pace. I do mean it in a way that I will be jealous if she's seeing or talking seriously to anyone else. I hate this jealousy I carry and I try not to over-think, but it's a flaw of mine.

 

This girl I am "dating" is a busy lady and is taking college courses, working and volunteering. Just now after things have happened, it makes it seem as though time goes slower if that makes sense. I wasn't constantly thinking before and I could hear from her whenever instead of really wanting to hear from her all the time. I guess it's as though I worry now that we have kissed...like some mystery is gone and onto the next. I feel horrible, like I don't trust or am not as confident as I'd like to be. It really stinks, this waiting game to see if I really and truly am liked. The worst is checking up on the dating site and Facebook to solely check up on things. I just need to learn how to be more laid back and worry far less than I do.

 

Basically this thread is to help me get everything out. I no longer really have use for the "post here instead of contacting your ex" thread, as all that is behind me.

 

I guess what I'm curious to see and it doesn't matter if you are straight, gay or whatever...but after kissing, how long until you would you begin to worry or rule things out after the fact? I hate that I am freaking out so soon after it happened, but the last thing I want to do is scare her away by over-contacting. Luckily I have refrained from too much of that, but I'm still somewhat living too much in my head. So that is pretty much my current situation...me learning to cope with the waiting and worrying and learn how exactly to date. It's all new to me, but while the highs are high...the lows are low. I hope I can find that happy medium.

 

Thanks to those who choose to listen and partake in my story. All I ask is no for hating, disrespectful and/or negative comments. We're all friends here, trying to get through dating and relationship struggles.

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why would you get negative comments?!

 

you sound like me... a natural born worrier! i hate it about myself it is my main flaw and it can drive you crazy..... a good thing though is you are self aware, so you are aware of the pitfalls, and striving to avoid them e.g. over contacting. but sadly it doesn't stop the thoughts going round and round in your head! do you worry about other things in life like work, friends, money? i do sadly... too much for my own good and ppl always tell me this... so sometimes i do calm down, relax, think things through rationally and then i am ok - .... for a while... til i start worrying again!

 

I think in your current situation, you do need to relax , enjoy the ride so to speak. enjoy the dates and the company when you see this girl, and do not think about all the 'what ifs' just yet. not all dates lead to great long lasting loving relationships i am afraid. a relationship does not blossom overnight. it takes time and effort and a good match... lots of different ingredients. do not worry if things do or do not work out just yet because it is too soon... and even if it doesn't work out this does not mean anything big in the grand scheme of life..... basically in my 'rational' thoughts i have to look rationally at what is it i am worrying about, why, and what is the absolute worse that can happen, and even if it did, how likely is it???? usually turns out that actually, the things we worry too much about dont even transpire, and when things do happen we find ways of dealing with them.

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Thanks so much for what you had to say, lozzy1980. I can really relate to all that, being a worrier of everything. Another flaw is that I apologize too much and I get called out on that. I believe I have gotten better with that though.

 

I really am trying to enjoy the ride, but I think I am prepared for the worst. I don't know why I do that so early in the game. I think now that I'm so vulnerable after the making out...that I must know what she's thinking? I hate that about me, that I can't just believe it went real well and wait for things to just pan out on their own. I am trying so hard to just clear my head and back away for a bit.

 

Thanks again for your response. Take care

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no worries (sorry excuse the pun!). you must relax a bit and not fear the worst .. if you think bad things will happen they often do...Self fufilling prophecy. i think its a form of protection... think the worst, so when it happens you were execting it and not so shocked... but it fails because it does still hurt you very much ? so isnt it better to be optimistic? then if it does fail, at least you were happy and enjoy each experience for what it was?

 

find some things to do that clear your head, gym, exercise, new hobby, reading , something that is not focused on your worries, and also dont be hard on yourself for being a worrier , it is not all that bad it is part of who you are , and maybe there is some way of turning worrying into a more positive thing - it means at least you care for a start - and when you meet someone who is right for you they will appreciate that about you.

 

BTW i have been told by several ppl that i say sorry too much!! must be a worrier's trait!

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You sound very insecure. You kissed and she said she likes you, so why are you looking to "rule things out" so soon? So far you've only had good signs and hypothetically if the next contact she made with you was to end your association, that would not be the end of the world, you are attaching a lot of importance to things that are rather minor in the grand scheme of things. You sound like you need more going on for you in your life. I don't think this is a dating problem so much as a personal problem imo.

 

I'm saying this all with care and respect in case you take this to be overly negative or disrespectful in some way.

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chocolatemilk, I may sound insecure because I'm really new to the whole dating women scene. Even though I have liked women my whole life, this is all new to me. I have been learning from each person I have dated thus far, BUT I don't want to screw up a possible good thing going. It's difficult not having too many people to talk to about it, as most people I know are straight. Plus, the first woman I was dating really threw a wrench in the works for me since she was leading me on and while I believed she was excellent with communication, she seriously turned out not to be.

 

Yes, I do tend to over-think things many times, but I have been told people like me because I'm confident...so it's pretty funny you chose to use "insecure" but obviously you are seeing me through words and what I have to say on a relationship forum, rather than being translated correctly in person. It's always difficult through the mask of the internet to properly convey every little detail.

 

Unfortunately the women I have been dating seem to be not as comfortable in their shoes yet. They're not 100% confident in knowing just what they want, which is pretty trying for me when they claim to be "lesbian" when they may in fact just be testing the waters. I say this and I never ever would pressure anyone to do anything they don't wish to. In fact, I usually never initiate the first move, OR it's definitely mutual.

 

Plus, I'm a busy, active person. I'm fit, have a job, amazing friends that I speak to/hang out with regularly, many hobbies...and it's a pretty hectic time right now with the holidays. That doesn't mean I still don't have the time to think about someone I'm interested in. Sure, I always put myself first and try to sort out feelings and such. I took plenty of health classes to be "mindful," lol...but let's get real. Relationships can often consume us and when I am trying to form one, I want to make all the right steps so as to not screw something awesome up...not making it just another learning experience.

 

lozzy1980, yeah I do tend to expect the worst, which is most likely why I start freaking out. Things seem to backfire when everything is going well. Like the saying goes "too good to be true." I really feel like I sound like Eeyore, when I am anything but.

 

With the current woman I am dating, I have backed off a bit and that's when she begins talking to me more and more. I'm not sure why most women play that game. That's me...I just like proper communication. No, I don't seek constant mega attention. I understand all too well that we all need space. Heck, I know I do. However, if you're overwhelmed, not feelin' it or want to talk something over...do it before it becomes this big thing. I don't understand why so many people have to make things more difficult than it really is. It is something I have learned and am learning to deal with in the whole dating game.

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