Hard to let go

[candy123]

I've been dating this gentleman for the last 7 years. He had been coming over to my place every weekend and never considered to bring anything (groceries). After 2 years I mentioned this to him and he was offended, saying what are you saying that I've been sponging off of you? I figured ( he has 3 kids living at home) that if he was receiving rent from them, that I shouldn't have had to ask " if he could help me once in a while with groceries". Things never changed even after I've brought this subject up a few times. Last year I lost my job and just recently, I've had to make the decision to move (8 hours) away because financially I'm pretty well broke. We had discussed me moving in with him and the 3 kids, but I figured that I would become everybody's maid. His kids are 22/25/30. None of them work!!!The 3 kids either receive welfare and one is on a disability.How can someone qualify for welfare when they're still living at home and not even trying to get a job? I shouldn't talk because I'm also unemployed, but I do receive support from my ex. I had been with this company and because I brought up something that was bothering me at work ( another employee who got paid the same as me would go into the manager's office pretty well every day for 1 hr to 1 1/2 hours almost every day for the last 1 1/2 years.This had been bothering me for quite sometime and finally had the courage to speak up. My manager chewed me up for 2 1//2 hours over my complaint and I ended up on stress leave because of it. To make matters worse the Union sided with management and I decided that mentally it would be too hard returning for the same company. My boyfriend said that I should have just gone into work and ignore what was going on. His 30 year old son lost his job, because he was calling in sick at least once a week and his dad thinks that he wasn't doing anything wrong. I can't understand how my boyfriend could not support me (mentally while I was on sick leave) but he always supports whatever his kids do. My question is this, I asked him if he would wait for me until the spring ( in case that I don't like living with family and decide to come back. He said that it's not fair for me to move that far away and expect him to just sit at home waiting whether I will come back or not. I've told him that I had to move with family until I get back on my feet financially. I'm hurt that he won't wait for me until spring. Since I made the decision to move away, now he wants to pick up the tab when we go out. Ever since we started dating, I always supplied the food at my house and paid my half when we go out. My family thinks that what he has been doing for the last seven years is totally discusting. He doesn't know how my family feels about him. He has told me in the past, that I tell people too much. What am I suppose to tell my family, that yes he does help me? Should I just move and never look back? If his kids were 7 and 8 years old, I would fully expect him to help them, but at the age their at I resent the fact that he can help them but not me. Am I being selfish?

[MK9]

Those men, grown men are to old to be called "kids." They should be in school or working, sounds like a bunch of parasites. It seems like he's using you, he's a parasite as well. The relationship was only working because you had a job back then, now it is broken because the host(you) is no longer useful. So the daddy parasite is trying to look for a new victim, a.k.a host migration. So yes, I think you definitely should not "look back." If you love him, then by all mean stick to it, but I am speaking from a logical point of view.

[DN]

He was taking advantage of you, financially and in other ways. You are better off without him.

[Tanzi]

"Kids"? They may be his children but they are not kids. They are adults who should be fending for themselves or at least paving their way in life. How you view his "kids" are how your family view your boyfriend. I totally agree with MK9, they are a bunch of parasites. He has been sponging off you because he thinks its ok to do so and its not hard to figure out where the kids get their mentality from. I think your decision NOT to move in with them was the right decision. Trust your instinct on that one.

 

After everything you have done for this man, when you finally needed something from him, he couldn't give it to you, though I'm sure he was trying to manipulate the situation with idle threats. Whatever, you deserve better that this.

[candy123]

Thank you for your response, I thought that I was being too demanding!!! My family can't wait to get me away from this guy. I've lost everything pretty well financially because of this guy. The only thing that I have left is my sanity. I wish I would have known about this site a long time ago. Your input was greatly appreciated.

[Tanzi]

Thank you for your response, I thought that I was being too demanding!!! My family can't wait to get me away from this guy. I've lost everything pretty well financially because of this guy. The only thing that I have left is my sanity. I wish I would have known about this site a long time ago. Your input was greatly appreciated.

 

Ah, if only we had all found this site earlier on in our lives.

 

I don't think you are being too demanding at all. This guy has taken advantage of your generosity for far too long and if you had moved in with him, it wouldn't have been long before his off-spring would have started taking advantage of you too. Be glad you saw the light in time.

[candy123]

I wouldn't call dating for the last 7 years seeing the light in time! I want to thank you very much for your response, it just confirms how I've been feeling. I have to agree with MK9, that the relationship was only working when I had a job. I would like to say that a few months back, I did get a very well paying job that was beyond what I was qualified to do. He kept saying to me that "You can do this" and even wanted to buy me a beautiful ring. I sensed that it was because (all of a sudence I had a new and well paying job, therefore, I refused him buying a ring for me!!!!! I've always been a kind and generous person, but things WILL be different when the next guy comes along! I just can't believe that I've been soooo naive and stupid! Again thank you for helping me see the LIGHT.

[Tanzi]

I meant seeing the light before moving in with him.

 

Yes MK9 made a valid point ... and it certainly seems that he only throws money your way when he thinks it is of benefit to him. In that sense its nothing more than a financial investment.