Broke No Contact, Handling this correctly?

[jj12]

Ex and I broke up around a month ago. We had been doing NC since we got in a fight a few days after the break up. It's a really confusing situation. We were fighting and he doesn't know what he wants so we are taking our own space. He contacted me last week to see how I am and it was on my mind all week.

 

On Saturday I broke down (SIDE NOTE: DO NOT WATCH KATY PERRY'S NEW MUSIC VIDEO ALONE, haha) and called him. We had a really nice conversation for about a half hour. Caught up on life, let each other know what we were doing. At the end of the conversation I said, "Listen, this time has been really great for me. I've figured out a lot of my own issues and worked on them and this has been for the best. I know you're still thinking about things and so am I. I just want you to know if there comes a point where you want to have the discussion about where you and I stand I'm willing to discuss it."

 

He text me an hour later:

Him: "I'm very proud of you and you're doing the right thing. As far as the you and me situation, if it's mean to work out it will. But don't wait or hold yourself back. I'm keeping myself open to all situations as you should too."

Me: "Thanks, that means a lot. I have the same mind set as far as you and I are concerned. I have no expectations about us and am keeping myself open to all opportunities. For the time being, I'm focusing on myself and my happiness."

Him: "Good, if you do meet someone, I need to approve them. You only deserve the best."

Me: "Thanks, you too. Just be happy and do you. If we're meant to be together, we'll know."

Him: "For sure."

 

Now, I haven't been hung up and letting him ruin my life. I go out, I have fun, I've been keeping myself busy. Sunday, I cleaned out the apartment of most of his things he left there and put them in storage somewhere. He still has my keys. I know he is hooking up with other people at this point, people have told me they've seen him out but I'm not bothering him or questioning him about it. His life, his decision. I've got a lot going on for me and if he wants to remove himself it would be his loss.

 

Part of me still wants him to come back, and I know I broke a huge rule by breaking contact. Does anyone have any advice?

[AnnaN]

I don't know how it applies to the "methods" about getting the ex back, but I like your convo.

 

It did leave a door open without indicating that one of you should wait the other to change his mind, but it also shows you are moving on, without bitter feeling or expectations from him. I think you did pretty good and from what you write it seems like you are really moving on. After that, I think you shouldn't contact him first for a long time.

 

I want to have a conversation like this when I feel ready,too.

[laura40]

I agree with the above. You've both moved on but leaving the door open so to speak.

 

Do you want to get back with him?

[jj12]

Yes, I do want to get back with him. I'm upset he left and am moving on because waiting around for someone is really just pointless but I do miss him a lot. I've thought a lot about things and where problems went wrong and know what I can do on my part to fix them.

 

The thing is though, he has to want to come back. There's nothing I can do or say to make him come back to me, I want it to be as real and natural as it was before if he does come back. It's just very confusing and upsetting at times. The thought of him being with someone else makes me feel terrible, but if it's what he needs it's what he needs.

 

I've been struggling with issues of my own. My mother passed away over the last year so coping with that has been difficult and is something I'm working on as well.

[mhowe]

You're all set. You cleared the air, you're both not waiting on each other. Now, no more "checking in". Get on with your life and keep moving forward.

[LSgirl]

girl props to you, that was a good convo. i dont think i wuold have let him think he could move on with somebody else, id be too obsessed with that idea and wouldn't want him to meet anyone else. keep us updated if he does call! in the meantime, my ex has asked to see me tonight so we'll see how it goes, just a coffee date.

[SweetSeul]

Sounds like a good, mature conversation between two mature individuals.

 

May I ask the reason for your break up?

[jj12]

We broke up because he said he needed some space and time. He didn't feel anything for me any more. He said physically he still was attracted to me but the emotional wasn't there any more and he doesn't know why. Partially, I thought it was because I had been upset the last few weeks. It was the anniversary of my mother's death and had been taking out a lot of my frustration on him. Since we broke up, I've been getting grief counseling on that issue and perfecting myself.

 

He text me last night. I waited about an hour to text him back.

 

Him: What are you up to?

Me: Not much, out for a bit. What about you?

Him: Ok, have fun!

Me: I am, hope you're having a good night too.

Him: About to head out to the bars for a bit.

Me: Sounds like a good time, have fun. Enjoy yourself.

 

No response back, no big. Trying to be supportive of his decision while still taking time for me. I would really like another opportunity to work on this relationship with him, but he needs to flat out tell me that's what he wants. I was second guessing myself thinking I missed an opportunity last night, but the fact is he has to tell me what he wants. I can't be guessing and prying it out of him.

[mhowe]

You didn't miss an opportunity --- he was just checking in. You were polite. That's it. If he doesn't talk about the future, you can be he isn't ready to address it.