Ex girlfriend problems

[jamesarney]

Hi This is my First post,

 

about a month ago i made a new friend who set me up with a single girl.

 

me and her started getting to know each other and it all seemed good.....until we got together as she was being a nightmare.

 

i have recently broke up with my girlfriend after being with her for a month, and am having problems with her.

 

she did not like me talking to other girls and asked to go down my phone everytime i saw her, but did not let me down hers. that was not a problem for me as i didnt have many girls numbers on my phone (other than my mum and my sis and her), i did get a few texts relating to college work (im 16 by the way) and they were from girls so i said i would not contact them, so i deleted them and that was that.

 

after about 3 weeks of being with her me and her made love she is 17 and im 16, and it was both our first times.

 

every time i had a phone call in from whoever (mainly my mum) she would come up to me while im in the middle of a conversation with my mum asking who it was and if i did not reply then she would start getting angry at me.

 

so 6 days ago i got told by my mate robert to go get some spray paint with another friend. i went off to get spray paint for robert and about half an hour later i got told from robert to ditch my other mate who i have know a lot longer than my girlfriend and robert and his girlfriend. so instead i ditched my girlfriend as i had had enough of her and ditched robert and his girlfriend.

 

after that i turned my phone off and went to the nearest city with my mate and did not think about them at this point i was ready to break up with her because of all the problems and being with her was a big mistake.

 

for the rest of the day i left my phone off until about 10:00pm and all this miscalled texts were flooding in from o2 and then she rung again so i pressed red.

 

i didnt have any texts or credit as i used them up on her so i recieved a text after that saying " its your girlfriend remember me" and a load of abuse because i went to see my mate and his brother (his borther i have known for 6 years and have never had a problem) followed in caps you AHOLE (but the full word).

 

so i ignored it left my phone off for another 2 days

 

after theese two days had past i made up with her and it all went well.... for about 5 minutes as she went and messaged one of my really old friends through facebook saying i was very secretive about them and is there something going on between me and my friend, she got really annoyed by this and sent me the message so i messaged my girlfriend and said what do you think your playing at and she started acting innocent so i ignored her, she rung me many times while i kept hanging up, so then she put a message on my facebook wall saying answer the f***ing phone and i didnt so then she texts me saying its really important, so i answer it and she started having a go at me again so i started having a go at her and hung up turned my phone off for another two days and told her through facebook we are finished.

 

she kept coming back saying she has done nothing wrong and i was telling her what she did wrong and telling her that if she dont trust me there will be no relationship.

 

she kept messaging me through facebook as phone was off.

 

i went my mates girlfriends house with my mate on friday who i was told to ditch and he rung robert put it on loudspeaker and now robert wants to fight me and steal my bike from my mates house after i bought if off him for £20. i have not got a problem with most people but he is one who would put me in hospital as he is known in the town he lives.

 

so after staying there the night and being attracted to another girl who i really liked (but i was scared still worrying about robert), i did not tell her.

 

i left my mates girlfriends house at 2:30pm and rode my new bike back to mine (i live 7 miles away from there).

 

as soon as i got back to mine there kept being phone calls to my mums phone so my dad answered it and it was robert....he wanted to meet me and he said he had my bike (but he didnt as it was in my garden) so i said no and kept saying no and was pressurised to do so, but i did'nt as i knew he was after me.

 

anyway they ended up at my doorstep knowing i lived there as they were knocking on every door i was in my lounge being quiet and my dad said i had gone out, (3 people walked up my drive (its a reallly long drive) and one went back down) so they were asking when, where and who with ( the two people on my door were robert and his girlfriend) so i was bricking it as they now know where i live and they kept ringing my mums phone again. my mum texted my ex and she said i was not hear and she kept asking me on facebook do i still love her so i replied of course i do but i dont. i want to let her down gentley and not have robert after me for dumping her.

 

any help on getting her to move on please would be appreciated

 

thanks James

[LaKings55]

Unfortunately, this is common in youthful relationships, people often confuse infatuation for love and do not know how to conduct themselves. She seems obsessive and clingy, and the only way she'll learn is to completely cut contact with her and avoid her at all costs. Eventually, she'll figure it out. I'm always amazed at how seriously young people take short relationships, if you can even call them that. One month is nothing, that's the very beginnings of a dating relationship, technically not bf/gf at that point. I don't consider someone my girlfriend until I can truly say that I have some level of honest feelings towards them, which takes time to develop, say 3-6 months or so. Even then, I hate labeling anything. But different strokes... Anyway, just let her go, cut all ties/contact, and let her learn in her own time that she needs to move on. If you're no longer involved with someone, you have no responsibility towards them. Of course, exceptions do exist such as divorced couples with kids, and so on.

[jamesarney]

Thank you for your help on solving this, the slight problem is if i dont contact her at all then she will keep contacting me then contact my mum then come to my front door knocking for me.

 

so im not sure what to do about that.

 

Thanks

 

James

[LaKings55]

Well, you could get a restraining order, but that's a little drastic. Just have to keep on ignoring her, and tell your friends and family to do the same. We can't control the actions of others, and only she can be held responsible for her own.

[jamesarney]

ok thank you for you help, i just hope it works.

[LaKings55]

Well, your hands are kind of tied here. I'm assuming you harbor no more feelings for her, which is good, because it gives you only one option, just ignoring her and ignoring her some more after that. NC as a permanent solution in this case. Go get a new cell phone #, call your local phone company and see about getting her number blocked, or at least getting Caller ID at your mom's home, so she can screen calls if she doesn't have it already.