mannaguy Posted November 13, 2011 Share Posted November 13, 2011 Im just venting a bit here so... Ok space I understand..in this r/s its been "I" that have asked for space.And I never really got any..only rage and threats to leave when ever I broached the subject. Finally after 9 months I started to get very angry.I did not communicate my anger very well.Im prone to letting it build and then blowing and saying stuff I dont mean. I need help in that area & Im getting it. But I was dealing with my GF who had a drinking problem and suffered from anxiety & depression. I handled that pretty good for about 4 months.Then we had a series of break-ups.Stress started to build in me. At some point (7 months) I made a promise to myself to not be the one anymore to threaten breaking up whenever there was a fight or actually doing it. Even after a very drunken night where she attacked me verbally & physically.She then 'quit' for good. I did not leave.I felt it was her rock bottom.I gave her alot of space to decide how she wanted to get better.I wasn't on her case all the time. However I was still concerned and feeling traumatized(PTSD!) We had counseling in place-she found a therapist-I have one. But I started losing control of my emotions (the reverse of what it had been like) and lashing out(after her last bout of booze).I'm so sad about that and full of regret.I know it goes deeper than her as well.But in truth she did traumatize me 3 times and it was very scarey. So after my last rage(last week) she said 'she cant do this'-'need space'. I still asked to speak to her to try and get some closure.And I also tried really hard to not contact her. With in the last week its gone from emotional telephone calls (both of us crying).. to her totally ignoring me.But last night I pressed her: I asked "Are you breaking up with me?".She still could not say it.But I am now ready to accept it and ready to move on. Im feeling angry that this may be another emotional blackmail as she's done time & time again.That has caused me to panick. Well its a 'Beautiful Mess' to be sure. So there is my vent. Thanks Link to comment
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