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How to let go and get rid off all " if I did or did not do this"?

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Short story...I fall for someone I should not. We kept in touch for 18 month - LDR, became intimate after it. He played hot and cold game all the time but I wanted him anyway. He was not perfect but I would give everything for having him in my life.

After all, he made me feel that whatever happened was my fault, he made me feel guilty and now I cannot stop blame myself and asking if I did not do this or did that, maybe he would feel same way about me.

When he got cold before, I always called, or emailed to him...Now it's been more than 5 weeks and I am doing nothing. I feel like rejection and harsh attitude towards me would be bigger pain than not knowing how he is doing or if he already forget my name. It hurts a lot. What to do? Should I contact him and make at least friends? I miss him in my life badly...

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I think it's common to second-guess ourselves after a break up. It's painful, though, because it keeps us focused on the past which we are helpless to change, and probably doesn't move us toward healing. I've heard it likened to trying to drive forward by watching the rearview mirror. It's not very useful, at least at this point. Maybe we get to a point where we can objectively (and painlessly?) review what we learned, but that probably comes later after we've significantly healed. Focus on your strengths now, and your stronger, better, healthier self in the future (or your desired destination/state-of-mind).

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Wow, hold your horses right there. Is that man and the way he is treating you what you think you deserve? U have gone without him for 5 weeks. He knows how to find you but has not bothered. Take those glasses off only then can u sob over your illusion and start the path to healing.


Good luck. I am doing it now, so can you. Trust me, u are looking for a quick fix. Make contact with him and u will have wasted your 5 weeks and shall be back to feeling frustrated, agitated and confused

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