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Ultimatum to ex


nestorZ

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Don't delete your Facebook, either unfriend or unfriend and deactivate.

 

I would suggest unfriending and carrying on with your life. Don't look at her pictures or anything. I'm proud of you for ignoring. You'll start to see patterns with her contact now that you are returning to an objective view of reality. Biggest lesson to learn: never let the emotional whimsy of a girl affect your view of reality. They may not like it but they'll respect you for keeping it real.

 

If it helps you can post what she said and we can do a "dissection" of whats going on with her. Not necessary but it may help. I can be objective of it but you'd be surprised by what other females who are grown up and well grounded have to say. They don't play when it comes to flakes.

 

Keep your head up buddy!

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Yes, don't deactivate. Then again, I still haven't even taken my ex bf's relationship status off, it still says we're in a relationship! But don't post anything about the breakup, keep sane and she'll respect you. I'm still holding onto something that doens't exist but that's my weakness im still working on. Facebook is awful! I look at his profile several times a day, thank god he doesn't ever post anything. I'm back on Day 2 of NC (again). Hang in there and show her how much she's missing out and move on with your life (even if you have to fake it til you make it).

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She cant be with you cause a whole lot of problems ? Mmmhhh...thats a classic and doesnt sound about just right. Usually these lines like "wanna be with you but got whole lot of problems" or "my life is complicated " or "i am messed up now"...equal to "not you and not now" or they just seeing someone else on the side.

You can believe whatever you want (or whatever she is trying to induce you to believe) but fact is that no problem is big enough when you share with another human being you care for or love. But it is a good punch line to keep you on the side...and an educated one cause messes up with your brain power

And about the ultimatum...i was under the impression that relations are based on free will and respect and ultimatums represent quite the opposite : obligation, pressure, unwanted/unsolicited conditions, and the list goes on.

I would just move on, i wouldnt fight for or chase a woman who wants something that is not me...dont let your ego be your adviser on this one.

Otherwise, step aside and check for yourself if she will contact you to be together...you will get tired waiting in that cold corner...

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My fb deactivation isn't about her, I always do it a month before a big exam so I could concentrate on studying. (fb is waaay too addictive)

 

Don't delete your Facebook, either unfriend or unfriend and deactivate.

If it helps you can post what she said and we can do a "dissection" of whats going on with her. Not necessary but it may help. I can be objective of it but you'd be surprised by what other females who are grown up and well grounded have to say. They don't play when it comes to flakes.

Sure, I'd appreciate any thoughts or possible explanations. I try not to analyze anything myself beacuse I know I'm too young to know these things (20), so it's great to hear what the experienced people have to say. Thanks!

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You can believe whatever you want (or whatever she is trying to induce you to believe) but fact is that no problem is big enough when you share with another human being you care for or love. But it is a good punch line to keep you on the side...and an educated one cause messes up with your brain power

Yea, I'm starting to realize this myself... If she really wanted me, she'd be with me because I would support her through her problems.

I must accept NO for an answer and live with it

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Thats my boy!!!! you will see pretty soon that that kind of behavior doesn't add up, rationally or emotionally but can cloud your judgement ONLY cause you show interest on that person thus they see you as an easy target.

I got this nasty behavior than when confronted with these kind of situations I usually take off without saying bye

It's all a play, the need for attention and to make you dig into your feelings so you go and ride on your white horse to save...who ? she is all coolio with another dude!! Thats what we call The Quixote syndrome

Stay cool, focus and sharp...any doubts, please drop a line and lets dissect all that jambo jambo together with the rest of the ENA coolios

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I just want to give you some more detail, if it helps.

 

We were together for about 6 months but were separated the last month (summer vacation).

We heard from each other every day and it was great but she started getting a bit distant.

Then, she broke up with me saying that she needs space and time. So I gave her that by going NC.

 

Lately she told me that the reason for our BU was my behaviour and that I wasn't a man of my word, which is nonsense because she's the one who changes her opinions almost every day.

 

I was sure she had someone else, but all my friends who go to school and out with her, say she isn't seeing anyone.

 

She often contacts me about random things and gets quite uncomfortable and insecure when talking serious issues, and she kinda runs for cover behind these walls she tries to put between us.

Then again, whenever she gets drunk she starts telling me she loves me, she's acting stupid to me and that she needs me desperately. In the morning, it's all over again, like nothing happened.

 

At this point, I'm really fed up with her behaviour and I'm beggining to think she's horribly immature and can't have a normal relationship. She did tell me a long time ago that she has serious trust issues, so maybe she simply isn't gf material at this point.

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I am ok myself with being suspicious in general but that never stopped me of enjoying or trusting someone cause i got feelings for her, my guard goes down till reasons are given to be suspicious. We usually got this effect on good people who loves us and trust us that we can come up with stories and mess up their heads at our own will and that is why it is so important that when confronted with this situations to take one step back and see how ridiculously we are behaving at some one else will. No shame on that cause you never expect this coming from people who you love but it is fact from life that we all get surprised from time to time. Trick is to know when to retreat and recognize the fight is not worth the effort. Damn!! every time i get disappointed by a woman I end up with someone better and prettier...cause i allow it to happen so start giving yourself the chance to meet someone better and prettier...you will also get harassed by phone with all sorts of invitations...cut the rope and send the witch away, Mr. Oz

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It's incredible how now I feel guilty for distancing from her and subconsciously blame myself for this, look for my mistakes...

 

Amazing how love can make you deluded. But I gotta keep marching on. This is like breaking up after breaking up.

 

Sorry if I'm spamming a bit, but I feel much better every time I write something here.

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Keep writing if it makes you feel better. I don't have anything better to do (and its my day off today! just doing laundry) and I keep refreshing this website. I wish I even had the option go ignore him to make myself feel better, but he hasn't contacted me since the last time I seen him, ugh. It's not spam, and better to write it here than to her.

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I agree with everything l2relax said except that I don't think you should tell her anything. I think you would do well to not meet up with her and start ignoring her, completely.

 

For as long as you need. Come here, PM me or whatever. You don't need to announce NC or anything. You want to be a man? Set boundaries that she will suddenly be aware of when you're not there anymore. Don't meet up, don't talk to her and don't explain anything. You're a man so be a man.

 

I agree with Ego...don't meet her, she thinks she has you where she wants you, break away form her, think of yourself here, you meet and you're back at square 1, take back some control and leave her standing...i met my ex 3 weeks ago, for a face to face, the night before i met him my gut was telling me not to do it, i wished i'd listened and not gone, i set myself up for (another) fall there's no point to keep going back, keep rehashing everything..leave things as they are, stop hooking up with her and go REAL!! NC.

 

You've wasted too much time and energy on this already, If it's meant to be it's meant to be, leave it in the hands of the universe.

 

 

love

 

loulou x

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Bloody hell.

 

I was studying in the library and guess who shows up? She usually never goes there.

 

She started talking to me, and I said I'm busy, trying to learn here, please excuse me.

 

She continued asking questions about my lack of communication with her and so forth... Then I simply told her that I have other things to do in life and I really don't have time for many people in my life, especially not her after our recent past.

She then said I'm being immature and that she feels betrayed. I looked at her and calmly said "well, what can you do about is, that's life" and picked up my books and moved to the other floor of the library.

 

At first I wanted to go in and explain that it's all her fault and that we can't maintain this sort of relationship and all that stuff... But I really felt fed up with this mess and simply blew her off. Feels quite good, actually, I'm kinda proud of myself

 

Time for some nice long NC.

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Now she's sending me messages about me being immature and hurting her.

 

Ridiculous.

 

I feel a bit bad and very lonely atm, but I'll go to sleep now to prevent any unwanted actions.

 

 

Oh yes, one more thing.

 

I've heard experts (or so they claim to be) swear that the best way to go is to keep contact with her but not initiate any, and just be very upbeat and happy about life and never mention our relationship or anything.

They say that, even though it hurts a bit, it makes you stronger in the process and gives you better results in the long run. What do you think about that? I dunno what to make of it.

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I may be rocking the boat here, but I do think you are playing the same game as her.

 

You are angry, she is angry... and both have not had time away from each other. I tell you this because I am in the same situation, and it is a continued pattern. She tries to talk to you, you push her off... then she gets mad because what is she doing? Reacting based on your responses. Someone has to stop the train of destruction somewhere, and if you want her in your life.. .it has to be you. Either way, pull up your big boy pants and be the better person. Reconciliations and or closure does not happen when either will not let things go.

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