Didn't see it coming.. How do I sort myself out??

[NPG]

Hello everyone..

 

I am hoping you guys can help me understand and ultimately, deal with this sudden break up!

 

Apologies in advance for the length...

 

So, I was with my girl for 6 months, we knew each other from work a few years ago, and we crossed paths again. She had just been dumped, and I was hanging about with her and making her smile. Before I know it, we are in love. Having great fun, being with each other all the time etc. However, I felt she became a bit needy, so I kinda backed off a bit. She seemed very insecure, and emotionally unstable at times. We had booked a holiday, but during the month before we decided on friends. However, on holiday, we had the time of our lives. Great fun and sex, and I realised that this girl was for me. I told her how I felt, and she wasn't very forthcoming, so I accepted it reluctantly, and did my best to enjoy the rest of the holiday. Funnily enough, as soon as I was accepting it, she came round. She said not too rush her, and not to upset her again. (by becoming distant)

 

We came back together, and spent every minute possible with each other. Great fun and sex continued. We talked about the future, she told my parents our plans, and very soon her family member was due to have a baby. We talked about how great it was gonna be etc. She had to go to the doctors for things that were crucial and I supported her all the way.

 

I was certain all was well.

 

Until approaching a weekend very recently, she was meant to come away with me but admittedly was not very well, so I went alone with her blessing. Her contact was very very minimal and the baby was born, I got a generic text that was sent to everyone.

 

I thought I was being too needy, so I left contact until I heard from her on the monday. All seemed well, she asked if i'd like to go with her to see the baby etc. I saw the baby, held the baby, it was great. She asks me on the way home if I'm feeling broody, and then 2 minutes later, she tells me I am "more like a brother and shes not happy".

 

I was stunned. I told her I was devastated, asked if there was anyone else etc. No she said. She said she was "about to make the biggest mistake of her life". I said not to do it, but she said she "didnt know that" yet.

 

She said can we still be friends on fb, and will i still message her. I said I couldnt be friends with someone I loved.

 

She left the car. I made no contact other than to say on her blood test results day that I hope all went well. She replied that all was cool xxxx.

 

Imagine my horror 3 days later when it comes up on the news feed on FB that she was "in a relationship"!!

 

I was upset, angry, but thanks to friends, did nothing. Did not retaliate. I had accepted her decision and thought "well if you dont want me" I will not contact you. No point in begging and pleading is there?

 

I don't have concrete info that she is in a relationship, but it wouldnt surprise me.

 

I just cant understand how it could change in 4 days. She was with me all the time so wouldnt of had time to see anyone else!! Just shocked. Gutted. Been sick every morning since, but still have kept my pride and not contacted her.

 

She text today to ask for something back. I replied "yep no worries"

 

I hope I have covered it, any questions, please ask.

 

Did not see it coming. I worry its me, but I have no regrets. Done an awful lot for her etc. She was forever complimenting me on how great I was etc.

 

I just keep telling myself its her loss, and that I couldnt have done anymore. And we were always on great terms, so why would she want to hurt me with the fb update?!

 

I just wanna be able to dust myself off and forget her. Difficult though.

 

Thanks for listening.

[threestars]

My guess is she reconciled with the ex. That's the problem with being a rebound, you're either golden or you're a rug...more often the rug it seems. I don't know how people can bounce between relationships so quickly to me it doesn't make sense at all to be able to get close with people like that and suddenly revert to a former. The only positive you have is, it's over, the relationship is done. You won't be getting back together. That probably hurts much more initially but in a way it's better than having an ex that's also single and further bickering or hope will continue. In this case there's no hope or bickering so you do save yourself some grief down the road. Otherwise in terms of sorting yourself out, try to spend more time with friends and keep busy with whatever hobbies you have, occupying your mind with other things is just about the only hope for sorting yourself out.

[camus154]

First of all, about this whole Facebook crap. You said you weren't going to be friends with her on FB if you weren't together. And then guess what. You didn't delete her, did you? And now here you are talking about how she's "hurting you" with FB updates.

 

If you don't want to be hurt by FB updates, then don't be her FB friend. Seriously, why is this so hard for people to grasp?

 

Ok, moving on.

 

While you were having "great fun and sex" with this woman, did it not ever bother you that she was, in your own words, a bit unstable, insecure, and clingy? This didn't happen over the course of 4 days, guy. She was never really wanting what you wanted out of this (unless that was "great fun and sex").

 

Sorry man...chalk this up to a lesson learned. I think you were blinded by all the great sex you were having and didn't really think about the situation you were actually in.

[threestars]

in your own words, a bit unstable, insecure, and clingy?

 

This summarizes a large majority of girls. Otherwise your response was quite smug. Most people aren't relationship experts and most relationships are nothing more than lessons to be learned.

[camus154]

This summarizes a large majority of girls. Otherwise your response was quite smug. Most people aren't relationship experts and most relationships are nothing more than lessons to be learned.

 

Well, thankfully you're here to offer the OP much more sound advice

[threestars]

Essentially calling someone a fool is what you consider advice? Hrmmmm.... I guess my point is, most posters are going through some sort of emotional distress, why worsen it with an arrogant response? To each his own.

[Mephisto13]

Sorry to say that you were the rebound guy. Nothing to do here, just move along. It sucks, but dwelling on it will only prolong the pain.

 

No contact. None what so ever. That's no email, no texting, no FB, no phone calls, nothing. Don't even try to be friends with her. She should be cut out of your life completely.

 

It'll be tough, but rewarding in the end.

[TheLizard134]

I would have to agree, you were a rebound. I can say this cause I just got dumped as a rebound for a woman coming out of a nearly 4 year affair with a MM. She came at me like a freight train and I didn't pay any attention to the signs. After 5 months it was over cause 'we didn't think alike' but I know that doesn't cure the pain. I still think and ponder 4 months out of it. My best advice is to rid yourself of everything that reminds you of her, all text messages, all emails, block her on facebook or deactivate your account for a while. It is the hardest part but it will help you to heal faster.

 

My ex didn't go back to her affair, that I know of, but I know we aren't going to be together and I have accepted it, now I just have to move on. SUCKS, but that's the way the ball bounces . . . errr, rebounds.

[TheLizard134]

I would have to agree, you were a rebound. I can say this cause I just got dumped as a rebound for a woman coming out of a nearly 4 year affair with a MM. She came at me like a freight train and I didn't pay any attention to the signs. After 5 months it was over cause 'we didn't think alike' but I know that doesn't cure the pain. I still think and ponder 4 months out of it. My best advice is to rid yourself of everything that reminds you of her, all text messages, all emails, block her on facebook or deactivate your account for a while. It is the hardest part but it will help you to heal faster.

 

My ex didn't go back to her affair, that I know of, but I know we aren't going to be together and I have accepted it, now I just have to move on. SUCKS, but that's the way the ball bounces . . . errr, rebounds.

[TheLizard134]

I would have to agree, you were a rebound. I can say this cause I just got dumped as a rebound for a woman coming out of a nearly 4 year affair with a MM. She came at me like a freight train and I didn't pay any attention to the signs. After 5 months it was over cause 'we didn't think alike' but I know that doesn't cure the pain. I still think and ponder 4 months out of it. My best advice is to rid yourself of everything that reminds you of her, all text messages, all emails, block her on facebook or deactivate your account for a while. It is the hardest part but it will help you to heal faster.

 

My ex didn't go back to her affair, that I know of, but I know we aren't going to be together and I have accepted it, now I just have to move on. SUCKS, but that's the way the ball bounces . . . errr, rebounds.

[NPG]

Thanks guys. It probably is her ex. I have so many questions but I don't really need to know the answers. If its not the ex and the grass was greener, I don't expect that will last long. The reason I say this is her last few boyfriends have left her. The thing is, we had such a great connection in regards to slang talk, laughs, and totally bounced off each other. She was really keen on me and on her birthday night we went out as a group, i got drunk, and was being eyeballed by her exes mates so went off for an hour. She keeps bringing up that I left her on her birthday night which I explained and had made up for. She also mentioned that she couldnt get out of her head that I had a one night stand with a girl she hates, even though this was 5 years ago, before i even knew the ex existed.

 

The thing I find hard is that she was telling my unwell dad our plans etc, and he was happy to know his son was happy etc. And taking me to meet the baby and then dropping me hurts a lot. I didnt rid of her on fb straight aaway as I thought she may contact me soon after. I did when I saw the status and removed her family too, which i feel bad for, but hope they understand. I'd even been taken to meet her dad who she hadnt seen in a long while.

 

Yep, you are right, i know its over. Its just the manner in how it ended, did not see that coming at all.

 

I have de-activated my account and i feel a release. Have I gone about it in the right way, ie, reacting to nothing and not pestering and pleading?

 

I hope one day she realises that I wasnt so bad after all.

[camus154]

I have de-activated my account and i feel a release. Have I gone about it in the right way, ie, reacting to nothing and not pestering and pleading?

 

100% absolutely.

 

I hope one day she realises that I wasnt so bad after all.

 

One day you won't care what she thinks of you.

[NPG]

Thanks Camus.

 

You can understand why I'm so shocked. I have been sick every morning. Its not like me. She was always saying what a c**t her ex was for just walking out on her. I'm thinking pot kettle!?

 

If somebody had said at the beginning of the month that it would be over by the end, i would have laughed! She has devastated me, and I hope one day she will realise. I sit here thinking of her with someone else, but then without being crude, i think "I had my fun" and it helps.

 

I also have those "god am i gonna be single for the next 3 years". my mate put me on a dating site, not sure if thats a good idea?