Coming out your shell?

[Ready4anything]

So I'm kinda of interested in this guy. Back in April when we first met out with a group, we exchanged numbers. He send me texts like "what's everyone doing this weekend?" "where is everyone meeting up?" so I just assumed he wanted to hang out with us as a group. Send him texts inviting him out but somehow it never worked out so the end...

 

This past Sunday we bumped into him out and I gave him a huge hug and squeeze. Yes I was a bit more forward and affectionate this time. It might have been the liquid courage, but I really thought he was cute. We talked and he asked why I never called him back and we went back and forth a little about it. Basically two none forward people and it just fell through. I had my arms around him he had his arms around me. Next thing I knew he went in for the kiss. We hung out the rest of the night made plans for last night but he had to cancel because he was sick.

 

He's not good about calling or texting and when we do exchange text it's very short. I decided to text a mutual friend, D, of ours who he grew up with him to see what his game was. Is he extremely shy? or Is he just not interested? D said that he is extremely shy unless alcohol is involved, which explained the moved on Sunday.

 

My question is that if he guy genuinely likes you and wants to get to know you, wouldn't he come out of his shell regardless of the shyness?

[LaKings55]

Not necessarily. The fear of rejection can be really debilitating. One would think he would be more confident in this situation. Honestly, you're sending all the right signals, so it's up to him to pick up the slack. However, each person is different, so if he's not making any moves, I'd just drop it. We men have to learn confidence somehow, and it often takes hard lessons for that to happen

[XxJustMexX]

Girl... This post makes me laugh because I was in your shoes not too long ago doing a lot of brain racking trying to figure out my boyfriend...

 

My boyfriend of 2 months is STILL like this and he's STILL not fully confident with me. And we live together! (Well, not together, he rents a room from me.)

 

I tend to ramble so I'll be as quick as I can and let you in on some of the things I've learned about shy guys. It can take them months, if not a year to get fully comfortable with you... and this is AFTER you're officially dating. So ya, if you're not even dating yet, be prepared to do a lot of the legwork. I myself have a lot of work with my guy, but trust me, it's worth it!

 

My guy was secretly (or so he thought it was a secret, it was completely obvious to me and our friends told me anyway) in love with me for a few months and I finally had to take initiative and initiate everything or else nothing would have ever happened with us. My shy guy STILL has trouble looking at me, is nervous around me, seems to always be intimidated by me, etc... But he's also the sweetest most loving guy I know. I pay attention to his actions more than anything else because of this. He's a pretty quiet and if I didn't know he was shy, it would come off as indifference. But then again indifference is one of the biggest giveaways of a shy guy interested in you.

 

If I were you, I'd take initiative and initiate things with him. I find that taking the lead with a shy guy works well. I kind of "wear the pants" in our relationship until he can get more confident with me so to speak... Are you comfortable in asking him out yourself? Maybe something blatantly obvious... like a 1 on 1 date? Don't beat around the bush, don't invite him out with friends. Just be straight up and ask him out on a date.

[XxJustMexX]

Oops. I didn't even answer your question. I know I'm not a guy, but since I've been in your shoes I hope my words would be valuable...

 

As for them breaking out of their shell because they like you... NOPE. My boyfriend was madly in love with me for months and the only times he was able to be open with me was when he was drinking. Otherwise, when sober, he'd sit there staring at me, fiddling, acting like a little kid trying to get my attention, ignoring me sometimes, coming over as much as he can so he can see me... But he was NEVER blatantly obvious about it. The only reason it was obvious to me was because I know a little bit about shy guys... If I wasn't aware of the way shy guys work, I'd have thought he was just a goofy nice guy.

 

So ya. No... don't expect that a shy guy will just hop out of it and ask you out... Again, my guy and I have been together for a couple months, and we'd crushed on each other for a while before that and he's STILL not fully confident with me. It takes them a while. Me personally, I think the wait is worth it. I know no matter how shy or quiet my guy is, I know he loves me by the way he treats me and all he does for me. Try looking into his eyes... it's the window to the soul. Eventually he'll get confident with you, it's just hard for most women to have that much patience. I myself run out of patience sometimes but then all it takes is for him to look into my eyes and give me the most innocent sweetest smile and I realize all over again how it's worth it.

[Ready4anything]

Thank you xx. I was wondering if I should just say something like "hey I like you and I think we should hang out together." I wouldn't mind inviting him over to my place even because I'm pretty good friends with one of his long time friends. I don't come accross as too aggressive or forward. In most cases, I can play cool and not worry about reaching out because the guys always been the ones setting up dates and calling.

 

How do you think I should initiate things? I don't want it to fade like it did last time.

[XxJustMexX]

Thank you xx. I was wondering if I should just say something like "hey I like you and I think we should hang out together." I wouldn't mind inviting him over to my place even because I'm pretty good friends with one of his long time friends. I don't come accross as too aggressive or forward. In most cases, I can play cool and not worry about reaching out because the guys always been the ones setting up dates and calling.

 

How do you think I should initiate things? I don't want it to fade like it did last time.

 

I think with some shy guys, forward is the way to go. Men period have to have blatant obvious in your face comments... no hints... hints don't work, especially with someone who's shy and a bit insecure. If you hint, in his mind, he'll just ask a million questions. He'll think "is she just being nice"... "what are her intentions"... "does she REALLY like me?". So ya, be straight forward. You can definitely be forward and nice at the same time, without being aggressive.

 

I gotta get off the computer for a bit but if you have any other questions, feel free to PM me or ask here and I'll get at them later. Also if you would like, try reading up on my posts from July this year and forward because all those posts might help you in dealing with a shy guy. I've basically asked a lot of questions here and I've gotten lots of good answers from others.

[LaKings55]

Men period have to have blatant obvious in your face comments... no hints... hints don't work,

 

I love the assumption that we men are all just simpletons, lacking in the ability to read people.

[XxJustMexX]

I love the assumption that we men are all just simpletons, lacking in the ability to read people.

 

My apologies if that's how you took it. I'm basically just relaying the message I've gotten many times here from men in these forums. I can't count how many times men themselves have said that.

 

Also, it has nothing to do with being a "simpleton". It's been proven that men and women think differently, therefore women should be straight-forward with men in order to get their feelings accross as men literally do not think the same way women do. Women mostly use their right brain, and men their left. As men think more "logically", they tend to not pick up on emotional cues... therefore women should be straight up and direct when it comes to showing men what they want. My apologies if that offends you, but it's the truth.

 

Last of all, men are constantly complaining about how women shouldn't hint because men aren't mind-readers. I would assume with all these complaints, a man would be happy to have women know this fact so there's less confusion in communication between a man and woman... Correct?