Goodfellas Posted November 3, 2011 Author Share Posted November 3, 2011 I kissed 2-3 guys and tried to get intimate but just ended up crying, I was pushing myself but it wasn't working. I often wonder if this is where my ex is at. No way of knowing though because I don't plan on asking. Link to comment
fortune Posted November 3, 2011 Share Posted November 3, 2011 2 year relationship. I am the dumpee. 2 weeks later I slept with an ex from years ago (that I had stayed friendly with via Fb, and he would call me occasionally). We did it again the week after that. I desperately wanted to be distracted from the pain of the break-up, I think I was still in shock. And I was comfortable with this guy. It was risk free because I have absolutely no interest in pursuing a romantic relationship with him. 4 months post BU (Halloween) I slept with a guy that friends had invited to my party. He wants to see me again. I felt good for a couple of days, you know kind of excited about the new guy...but tonight I have cried a few times...it's rough. I don'T regret it though, it is a nice distraction, I don't feel it has set me back. I am hoping it will just open my eyes a little that there are other fish in the sea. It was really nice to have a couple of days of excitement that I have not felt since the BU. Before this BU I had been single for three years, and I think I might have kissed two men...I had never had a one night stand before. I don't think it is going anywhere with the new guy, he is also a few months into a BU from his wife of 2 years... Link to comment
Goodfellas Posted November 3, 2011 Author Share Posted November 3, 2011 fortune - You cried a few times yet have no regrets. Care to explain? By the way, I envy that 'excitement' of someone new, especially because I think my ex had that about a month after we ended. I can't wait for my turn, but won't rush it. Link to comment
threestars Posted November 3, 2011 Share Posted November 3, 2011 I was the dumpee(male). I went about 2 months before i dated someone a bit, went as far as to her wanting sex but that's when I backed out. I don't think it was because of my ex, more so I wasn't entirely into the girl enough on that level to go that route because I didn't want anything serious with her. Went on another date a few weeks later with someone new, the girl was cool but this time I was too focused on the fact that I had moved the rest of my belongings from the apartment I shared with my ex the previous day. Then around the 4 month mark I hungout with a girl I had befriended while with my ex, but we never did anything were just friendly. We ended up hooking up quite extensively and I was able to do so without even thinking of the ex. I live pretty far from her so nothing has amounted other than continuous friendship. I really think moving along can be a quick process if you happen to meet that right person. But often from what I've noticed, people are too down initially to make a connection with someone they could potentially really like. That would be from a male standpoint though, a lot of girl friends have told me they can't emotionally handle being with another person physically so quickly(leads to crying while hooking up if it does happen). Link to comment
Goodfellas Posted November 3, 2011 Author Share Posted November 3, 2011 threestars - Thanks for the personal account and great insight into both genders in that post. I wonder how common that is, where the person feels they're ready until it's showtime, then they back down and/or cry. Link to comment
threestars Posted November 3, 2011 Share Posted November 3, 2011 No problem! A few friends said it was mostly after, the realization of what they just did. My ex and I broke up for 3 months at one point during our 4 years, she saw someone for the last 2 months of our breakup before deciding she missed me etc. They never had sex but she said she cried once things got beyond making out(something I really didn't want to know). I really hope to never be the guy in that situation because it would be so demoralizing and disturbing hah. Link to comment
vel2011 Posted November 3, 2011 Share Posted November 3, 2011 God it's 2 and a half months since break up of 2 year relationship. Love of my life. I was the dumper but had some regret and change of mind after. Anyway I couldn't even consider kissing anyone else never mind anything else...it's way too soon...does that make me weird?? And he tells me he can't consider it either. Doesn't make you weird at all - I'm 3 months our of 2.5 year relationship (she ended it) and don't feel any interest in other girls yet. Doesn't help that I've never seen anyone as attractive as her. Out of interest, you say you were the dumper. Why did you dump the 'love of your life'? Link to comment
Goodfellas Posted November 3, 2011 Author Share Posted November 3, 2011 Doesn't make you weird at all - I'm 3 months our of 2.5 year relationship (she ended it) and don't feel any interest in other girls yet. Doesn't help that I've never seen anyone as attractive as her. Out of interest, you say you were the dumper. Why did you dump the 'love of your life'? I'm with you on this one. I am just now starting to feel I may be ready to hook up/meet others. Although, I'm still in the unfair stage of comparing potential girls to my ex. I'm also wondering the same thing, threestars. Link to comment
fortune Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 fortune - You cried a few times yet have no regrets. Care to explain? By the way, I envy that 'excitement' of someone new, especially because I think my ex had that about a month after we ended. I can't wait for my turn, but won't rush it. The new guy was in my head 75% the ex 25 % for a couple of days...but it wore off , and by the time wednesday evening came around the ex was in my head like 80 % and the waterworks started. The good news is today seems to be more of a new guy day then an ex day he he he...I honestly do not understand how it fluctuates sooo much. The crying is not new I have actually been crying steadily for the last 3 weeks. I guess I was hoping the hook up would get me out of this crying extravaganza. Moral of the strory, new guy doesn't erase the ex. They are competing for space in my brain ! Anyway you will definitely get your turn, and sooner then you think Link to comment
Goodfellas Posted November 4, 2011 Author Share Posted November 4, 2011 fortune - I totally know what you mean. Sometimes I feel like I should be charging my ex rent for living in my mind free of charge haha. I wonder how much of your hope the new guy would erase the ex had to do with being the dumpee. Link to comment
fortune Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 I'm with you on this one. I am just now starting to feel I may be ready to hook up/meet others. Although, I'm still in the unfair stage of comparing potential girls to my ex. I'm also wondering the same thing, threestars. OOOH I did do some automatic comparing ex vs new guy...He is not as tall and tough looking...the act itself was different...that kind of thing. New guy is more of an intellectual wordly kind of guy... But you know what ? I think wether a few weeks or a few months maybe even years pass you always make some kind of comparison. Maybe the difference is that it does not necessarily put you off the new person it is just different. Link to comment
fortune Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 fortune - I totally know what you mean. Sometimes I feel like I should be charging my ex rent for living in my mind free of charge haha. I wonder how much of your hope the new guy would erase the ex had to do with being the dumpee. Gee good question. Don't know. A girlfriend of mine was the dumper, she has been with a new guy for like 8 months, and she compares all the time. It is not looking good for the new guy. She ended it with her ex, because she was fed up with long distance I think, and maybe he was not going to commit. I think she still loves him. I have a feeling that even dumpers who are convinced they did the right thing compare also. I wonder... Link to comment
Thorshammer Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 I am ready for a new girl. I cant wait to snatch the blankets in the middle of the night, or carefully lay out how I am going to scare her in the middle of the night... But I am cool right now, I have no rush. I had a chance with this hot chick at a party, but 3 years of being inactive with women gave me serious shyness. She would have made me forget about eeeverything, even my own name. I felt like a fool when I walked out and saw her eyes beaming a hole through me as to why I didnt approach. Eh, I am more heartbroken about that than about some chick who left me 3... or was it 4 (?) months ago. Link to comment
fortune Posted November 16, 2011 Share Posted November 16, 2011 Here's an update. A couple of days after the hook up I wrote the new guy an email and gave him my number. He wrote back right away and we set a date for last saturday. He came over we ordered sushi wtched movies, drank wine, had a great time, loads of conversation and laughs. We slept together four times..He stayed over, and he left sunday afternoon at two because he had a meeting at three. We kissed and he said he had a great time. I said me too. It's tuesday and I have no news. Ugh... I have mixed feelings. I don't know what I am ready for exactly. I think he is really cute, funny, etc...I don't feel like contacting him because I figure if he is still interested he will contact me. He is not shy at all, seems like the go getter type. But I would be thrilled if he wanted to see me again. I figure if he does not contact me by tomorrow, he probably is not interested... Link to comment
Goodfellas Posted November 16, 2011 Author Share Posted November 16, 2011 fortune - Kind of wish I didn't read that update haha. Ah well, I'm not about to generalize your situation to my ex's potential sitch. Any tears shed since the second hook up? On a side note, a business meeting on a Sunday is fishy. Link to comment
AnnaN Posted November 16, 2011 Share Posted November 16, 2011 It's been 3 weeks after bu, actually 3 weeks ago was the last night we spent together and the next day he decided he wants to be alone. I know it's too soon, but today the idea of dating again, with some stupid things I saw that my ex did on facebook, make me feel better and moved the hope for reconciliation further. I haven't dated for the last 4.5 years, that was a long ago... And this guy looks cute... but what if I end to like him? I am difficult in liking people and he looks like he could be one... Link to comment
Eocsor Posted November 16, 2011 Share Posted November 16, 2011 It's been 3 weeks after bu, actually 3 weeks ago was the last night we spent together and the next day he decided he wants to be alone. I know it's too soon, but today the idea of dating again, with some stupid things I saw that my ex did on facebook, make me feel better and moved the hope for reconciliation further. I haven't dated for the last 4.5 years, that was a long ago... And this guy looks cute... but what if I end to like him? I am difficult in liking people and he looks like he could be one... You're out of a relationship for three weeks and you think datings a good idea and that he could be the one???? Time to rethink that. Anyone you date now is just a rebound or a revenge date to try and get back at the ex. Have some compassion for other people. You'll just end up hurting others at this stage. Link to comment
AnnaN Posted November 16, 2011 Share Posted November 16, 2011 You're out of a relationship for three weeks and you think datings a good idea and that he could be the one???? Time to rethink that. Anyone you date now is just a rebound or a revenge date to try and get back at the ex. Have some compassion for other people. You'll just end up hurting others at this stage. Not the one, just someone I like. Link to comment
Silverbirch Posted November 16, 2011 Share Posted November 16, 2011 A bit more than 6 months for me the dumpee - I already knew the new man as a friend for quite some time. The dumper - well have good reason to believe it happened before the relationship officially ended. Link to comment
replytome Posted November 17, 2011 Share Posted November 17, 2011 I was dumpee, live in ex of 1.5 years, and as soon as she ended it I booked a flight to Sweden to hook up with my backup. So 3 weeks post BU. Long story short, I couldn't get it up. Link to comment
fortune Posted November 17, 2011 Share Posted November 17, 2011 fortune - Kind of wish I didn't read that update haha. Ah well, I'm not about to generalize your situation to my ex's potential sitch. Any tears shed since the second hook up? On a side note, a business meeting on a Sunday is fishy. I am sorry ! The update was meant to give you some hope... No tears since the second hook up (yet!) As I said I had a really good time. If I had met this guy after being single for a very long time, I probably would have thought that I had met the one. But because I am just in the very early stages of getting the ex out of my system, it's as if there is not enough room for me to get overly excited about the new guy. My expectations sort of stayed on neutral leaning towards positive. It is hard to explain, so I don't know if I am making any sense. He could turn out to be just like a transition guy to gaining dating confidence. What I can say is that I had a lovely time and I am grateful for it. If he calls, I would be interested in seeing him again. If he doesn't I will be slightly disappointed, but still very glad that I had the nerve for the second ''date''. I had kind of decided that I could allow myself three dates with a person. After the three dates if I realize that I am more messed up than I thought, I can end things with the new person (so as not to mess with them, that would not be fair). I did not get a ''fishy'' vibe when he said he had the meeting. But I agree with you that objectively it could be fishy LOL ! Who knows ? To be honest, I kind of did not know how to get rid of him at two in the afternoon so I was glad that he had to leave. I knew it was a gamble. I was worried it would make me miss my ex more. And I can't say that it did. But had he been an ass, or if It had not gone well, I am sure I would have missed my ex lots. Like I said it's a gamble. What can I say I am trying to move on as best I can. Chin up Link to comment
Goodfellas Posted November 17, 2011 Author Share Posted November 17, 2011 No need to apologize, I was being a suck, fortune. Good for you on finding that distraction! I originally made this post as a way of gauging when others moved on having my ex's recovery in mind. I was in the "how could she potentially hook up so soon after breakup" mode. However, 2+ weeks later I am more focused on my recovery and know that people heal at different rates with different methods. Link to comment
purrbaby Posted November 17, 2011 Share Posted November 17, 2011 It's been just over 3 months since my BU and I was the dumper. I hooked up with a new guy in a band I met several weeks ago. Well, we hung out Halloween night at a bar, had some drinks, and were both really feeling each other. We ended up having crazy good sex in and on my car, in our Halloween costumes, in the middle of the desert at 3am. It was JUST what I needed, I was ready for some fun (especially since my ex was a total bore in the sack). We've hooked up a few more times since. He knows I'm not looking for anything and he isn't either, other than maybe casual friends with benefits. I'm so glad I did it. It was the "push" I needed to feel like I'm finally over the relationship that is now gone and in the past. Link to comment
Goodfellas Posted November 17, 2011 Author Share Posted November 17, 2011 Steamy! My ex was the bore, I'd suggest new positions but she wanted to stick to the ol' faithful way. We'd try them then she'd find some excuse to not do it anymore. Does this define a 'bore', does this sound like your ex, purrbaby? Link to comment
Silverbirch Posted November 17, 2011 Share Posted November 17, 2011 I was dumpee, live in ex of 1.5 years, and as soon as she ended it I booked a flight to Sweden to hook up with my backup. So 3 weeks post BU. Long story short, I couldn't get it up. Hey Hugs Boreed, LOL, more of the truth comes out! LOL. Anyway, missed you man and hope you been well. Link to comment
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