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Have I done something wrong?


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I find myself in an odd situation with a girl I work with (not sure whether to stick this here or in friendship and friends). Background as follows.


I work in a museum as does this girl and I had been trying to make new friends there (myself being new), a bunch of us were going for a night out, but most cancelled so it was just me and the girl, I asked her if she still wanted to go out, it being just her and me and she said yes. So we went out and had a meal then went for drinks afterwards, out for 6 hours or so in the end (I was running out of conversation by the end) Anyway we were getting on fine, chatting away, she said she was sort of seeing someone (implied it might end soon) anyway this didn't bother me as I was just looking to get to know people there and see what came of it and was perfectly happy to just be friends. So anyway the night went well or so it seemed and while there was probably going to be no romance there was a good chance I was making a new friend.


So fast forward a week and I send her a text asking how she is and describing something funny that happened at work. While we both work the same museums trust we generally work in different museums so we don't run into eachother that often. There was nothing flirty or forward in the message, but there was also no reply, I began to have a suspicion that something might be wrong. A week after that she was in the same museum as me and I went to say hello as I was leaving for the day and there was a definite atmosphere or awkwardness so I left. I later thought it was just me over analysing things or being paranoid, but today I was working in the same museum as her again and again went to say hi and again there was definite awkwardness, a sense that I was not welcome.


Should I send her a message asking her whats wrong, asking what I might have done to upset her or just leave it. I'd rather sort out any problems and move forward rather than leave something hanging over my head. I've put this topic in this section because I suspect the problem may be that she thinks I'm trying to woo (love that word) her. I can go into more details about the night out if that helps. Basically I just want to understand what I've done and how to get out of it. While I was attracted to her its very much a casual thing and I was not going to pursue it and was fully intending to just be friends, now I don;t know where things stand.

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Just leave it.


I'd put money on what happened--her boyfriend found out where she was that night and that it was just the two of you. He wasn't happy about that and now she feels awkward around you.


Just leave her be and see if she warms up to you again in the future. If not, no big deal.

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Yes- she might think you are trying to woo her. If you want to be straight up, just tell her you understand that she is "seeing someone" and that you respect that. She might feel like you are being disrespectful (if she does in fact think you want her) to her boyfriend. So, make it clear to her and she won't have to worry anymore. Maybe you should have other people around if you hang out again, just to reinforce the idea until she gets it in her head.

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I have actually experienced this, from her side, before on a few different occasions. I was not in a relationship, but I did turn down a guy I just didn't feel any attraction towards. I was kind but clear. However, he continued (and has continued even now!) to always be in my space, always try to sit close to me whenever possible, always try to get invited to events I'm attending, always trying to befriend my close friends, always trying to "connect" with me. I understand that he may very well just be trying to be friendly and amiable about my rejection of him, but I defintely feel it has an ulterior motive in this case; that he's in a way pursuing me without overtly doing so. Just trying to be in my space and elbow his way into my world in unnatural ways. And honestly, I feel very disrespected by him, because I made myself clear but he hasn't respected that boundary I set.


If he had just remained a casual acquaintance I occasionally crossed paths with like he was before he articulated his interest in me, I would have no problem befriending him. However, it has gotten to the point that I dread seeing him because he is always around now, always trying to talk to me, always trying to be where I am.


Now, I'm not saying you're doing this, but this may be how she's perceiving it. Did you see her often before you two accidentally spent several hours one-on-one? Were you chatty before that? Or, in your attempt to reconcile the awkwardness, are you trying to be more friendly than you ever were before? That could easily and honestly be misread by her as you persuing her against her wishes, and she might be trying to create some distance because it makes her uncomfortable.


I would say at this point, let her be the initiator of the friendliness. If she seeks you out and strikes up a conversation with you, be perfectly happy (not overeager though!) to chat with her. But don't seek her out, at least for now.

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We would generally only run into eachother a few times at work each week where we would previously chat quite a lot. I am not making any special efforts to contact her, but I am saying hello when I do see her largely because I think its silly to pretend I havn't seen her and acknolwedge the fact. I think its probably best to do as you say and let her talk to me if she wants. Whilst I'm slighty disapointed things have suddenly gone weird, I'm not massively concerned as I am making friends with others there and while being attracted to her had not got into any particular crush type situation. I think I will have to put this one down to experience.

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