Success4me Posted October 31, 2011 Share Posted October 31, 2011 Hey all, I used to prowl these forums often(although never joined) looking for hope when my ex gf broke up with me and thought I would come back to share my story. Back in March of 2010 my gf of a little over a year broke up with me(she was 24, I was 25). The last 3 months of our relationship we both started working alot and hardly ever got to see each other(even though we lived together). We both turned into people we didn't like and were unhappy with our lives. So one day she comes home and tells me she can't do this anymore. She doesn't know who she is anymore and what she wants and feels lost and felt like she was killing me(I had been losing sleep the last few weeks before b/c I knew we were in trouble). At first I told her that I was going out and when I got back I wanted her gone and never wanted to see her again. However I was 20min into my drive when I turned around and talked to her before she left. We talked about how we both felt the same way, unhappy with our lives, lost ourselves etc... it was a 2 hour talk and then she left. I was devasted the first 2 weeks, I cried, sat around feeling bad for myself, and doing nothing. B/c we had a apartment together(she moved out but kept paying her half of the rent) NC was not a option. However I only contacted her for apartment reasons, and if she ever contacted me for non apartment reasons I was always polite and never rude, however communication eventually dwindled to near nothing after about 6 weeks. After my 2 week "mourning period" I got up and got my life back(something that I think everyone needs to do who is going through a break up). I worked out and got back in shape, quit my job and completely changed careers. I started voulnteering and going out again and pretty much just became the person that I wanted to be. I slowly thought about her less and less. After about 3 months I even had a new gf(although short lived) About 8 months after our b/u she texted me asking how I was doing. I texted back and said I was doing well and suggested we meet up to catch up. That following weekend we did and had a great time(turns out she had dated someone else as well), and continued to hang out a few times after that. on the 4th or 5th time she bought up our old relationship and we talked about what happenend and she told me that she never stopped wondering about me and I told her the same. We kept talking and found out that we were both different people, and I asked her if I could take her out on a first date. I explained that I had no desire to pick up where we left off, but start something new. We couldn't forget our past, but we couldn't let it get in the way either. She agreed and here we are almost 1 year later and we are still dating! I hope this helps some people, what worked for me was moving on( I never even considered getting back together with her). Don't just sit there feeling bad for yourself, get out and live the life you want and become the person you want to be and life will take care of the rest. Link to comment
Deciduous Posted October 31, 2011 Share Posted October 31, 2011 Wow. Amazing story. It sounds like you both grew a lot during the time you were apart. I'm really happy for you. Deci Link to comment
Lenny70 Posted October 31, 2011 Share Posted October 31, 2011 Congratulations, well pleased for you, i wish you all the best and good luck for your future, and thanks for taking the time to come back and share your story Link to comment
Robin2904 Posted October 31, 2011 Share Posted October 31, 2011 This is a great story thank you! I am kind of at the place right now where I began talking to my ex again...its really tough for me not to pick up where we left off. Trying to be patient and not scare him away though. Thank you for sharing your story- I'm hopeful this will lead to where it has lead for you! Link to comment
Thorshammer Posted October 31, 2011 Share Posted October 31, 2011 Textbook way and you did it natural. Link to comment
jolbell69 Posted October 31, 2011 Share Posted October 31, 2011 It's great to read a success story, and I am very happy for you!! Good luck for the future!! Link to comment
Goodfellas Posted October 31, 2011 Share Posted October 31, 2011 Awesome story, thanks for coming back to spread the positivity. I know you're new people and didn't want to pick up where you left off, but has the topic of "being intimate with others" come up? Link to comment
Success4me Posted October 31, 2011 Author Share Posted October 31, 2011 Awesome story, thanks for coming back to spread the positivity. I know you're new people and didn't want to pick up where you left off, but has the topic of "being intimate with others" come up? It did come up when we first started to hang out again, but I didn't pay much attention to it b/c a) I had been others as well b) I treated it like a new relationship, She was auditioning for me as much as I was was for her. Link to comment
Tomuch2hope Posted October 31, 2011 Share Posted October 31, 2011 Too many BU storys on here. Nice to read one with a happy ending. Link to comment
Goodfellas Posted October 31, 2011 Share Posted October 31, 2011 It did come up when we first started to hang out again, but I didn't pay much attention to it b/c a) I had been others as well b) I treated it like a new relationship, She was auditioning for me as much as I was was for her. Good on you for truly treating it like a new relationship with a new person. People keep telling me, and I feel it too, that my ex and I will reunite when the circumstances change. I don't pay much mind to it, but if it were to happen, I often wonder how I'd handle this situation (her being intimate with another) Link to comment
learning2relax Posted November 1, 2011 Share Posted November 1, 2011 Unless you are really young, it is most likely that your ex was with people before you. That didn't bother you at the time, it was in fact, expected. Granted, no one wants to think of their ex with someone else. Dumper or Dumpee. It doesn't matter. There is a part of your ego that wants them to pine for you even if you no longer want to be in the relationship. If reconciliation takes place, the best chance for success is if you have had enough time apart, both heal from the past and move on. Thereby making it a new relationship. Yes, it is a weird dynamic as there will be a familiarity that you would not have with someone that you have never been in a relationship with previously. But it needs to be new. The past needs to be in the past. Otherwise the chances of it truly being successful will be slim at best. You can't harbor resentment about the breakup and you can't harbor resentment about the time that they were not with you. You were broken up and both free to do what you wanted. If you chose not to, that was your choice. But if your ex made different choices, that was her choice and she was free to do so. Perhaps a better way to look at it is this.....even though you don't want to think of your ex being with someone else, and I get this and agree, if they were, and it gave them perspective on what they gave up or lost, and they found their way back to you and you both have a new chance at a new relationship, isn't that best in the long run? Wouldn't it be better for the relationship if they actually got a chance to realize what they might otherwise have taken for granted? Isn't what you want in the long run? This is where we all have our own personal growth to look after. We have to look out for our own health and happiness. If in time, the path we are on crosses with that of our ex and there is another chance for a relationship with a fresh start where both have grown since the end of the previous relationship, that would be a great outcome. If our paths never cross or they do but we are not both in agreement, that is the best outcome for us for where we are at. Everything happens for a reason. This includes the breakup, the relationships that either of us have with another, etc....... You have the best opportunity in front of you to grow from this experience. Link to comment
Goodfellas Posted November 1, 2011 Share Posted November 1, 2011 learning2relax - Yes she was with (one person) before me, but there's a sense of pride being shot down if she's with someone after me. I don't know what it is, but I'm okay with thinking of her with her ex, but not with future people. Great insight on ex discovering theirself during time apart, I had never thought about it like that. Link to comment
hopelost Posted November 1, 2011 Share Posted November 1, 2011 learning2relax - Yes she was with (one person) before me, but there's a sense of pride being shot down if she's with someone after me. I don't know what it is, but I'm okay with thinking of her with her ex, but not with future people. Great insight on ex discovering theirself during time apart, I had never thought about it like that. I don't know how I would deal with this either - if I ever get a chance to be back with my ex again, but knowing she gave herself to someone else during the time apart. I do understand what learning2relax is trying to convey, but still...this would be a very tough demon mentally to fight. Link to comment
Vaglar Posted November 1, 2011 Share Posted November 1, 2011 It's a hard pill to swallow, but as you detach yourself emotionally from your ex, you can start to accept that she's gone and she may be doing intimate things with someone else. It's unbearable when your feelings are still raw though. Link to comment
HopeArises Posted November 1, 2011 Share Posted November 1, 2011 It did come up when we first started to hang out again, but I didn't pay much attention to it b/c a) I had been others as well b) I treated it like a new relationship, She was auditioning for me as much as I was was for her. She must have known you were serious about never contacting her again, hence the reason she finally broke down (after 8 months) and contacted you. Not all ex's contact the other, so many times we have to take the initiative and do it. I'm happy for you though man. Good stuff and keep up working on yourself. Don't lose that now, or ever! Link to comment
AngelAmber Posted November 1, 2011 Share Posted November 1, 2011 thats so wonderful to see positive stories on here as well gives me some hope, but also at the same time i realize that im moving on anyway, iv been doing a bootcamp outdoors gym thing this month, its my birthday in 17 days, hopfully getting a puppy in a few days, going on holiday for most of december (13 days out of cell contact over new years) so hopfully time will go by a bit quicker and il be able to move on or by some small chance eventually reconcile with my ex keep going strong &good luck success4me Link to comment
.thumb.jpg.a7437edbcaa5924fb077b36bf6653986.jpg)
.thumb.jpg.619cbf9ada685acba712967edfb3e7aa.jpg)
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.