Jim Wormold Posted October 31, 2011 Share Posted October 31, 2011 I broke NC after 5 weeks to call her. Some say you need a month for each year, others say 2 months NC, another 2 months for the ex to miss you. Be that as it may, I did it. Except (!) I never got through to her but left a message to say hope she was fine with flat and job search. Didn't ask her to call back. After a week she texted to say she would call at the weekend and that was when I decided not to answer her call. Which I did. On Sunday she tried again, except she did this with another number. I called this number thinking it was a friend and there it was, her voice. We actually joked and had a fun chat - no serious topics. I was totally on form- confident and relaxed, but saying I needed to go. Afterwards she sends me a text to say "we spoke, but also didn't speak. Dont know what to say. Sorry." I called this evening to clarify. Incredibly, that was a rejection message by sms!!! She then said we should meet someday to "talk" and it was crystal clear what she meant. Incredibly again - she said she would do so "when she felt like it". Since there was no point in hanging around and my self-respect would not allow this, I came clean about my process working on myself. The desire to have a 100% relationship of giving and not just receiving and the criteria for a 2nd chance (in case she had been influenced by friends that it doesn't work). I said I accepted and respected her decision, that I loved her and that I would not be calling again. I feel relieved and was totally not clingy or emotional in any way. My therapist actually told me my background with my father has ensured that I have continually blocked myself off from letting go completely in a relationship, explains the rejections when providing security. I guessed to her that she had switched off (burying feelings) in reaction to me, she thought this might be but nevertheless "feelings were gone". I think this has been the best for me in that I am not as upset as I thought I would be. I have started a process of forgiving myself and building confidence. I am not that bad looking, other women have been trying to see me, but I do still love this woman and needed to sort my life out first. Please dont tell me I called too early - I am over my guilt and self-loathing period Any anyway, now she knows I am moving on .. and improving. I am not helping her ego with the thought I am waiting. She may even enter her missing you phase fine because I am officially gone, if not, I am moving on. I somehow feel as if the grieving is over. Let's see if I get over her or not. Maybe it hasn't sunk in yet. Whatever. I am looking forward to a special relationship where I can give of myself completely. I want to grow now as a person. Anyone who can reject me by text is not worth given the impression that I am waiting.... Thanks for all your help and I welcome any comments! Link to comment
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