saraflem Posted October 31, 2011 Share Posted October 31, 2011 Hi All, I was in a 9.5 year relationship that wasn't right when I thought about it "deep down". We got along brilliantly and were quite happy on the exterior. But there were some fundamental issues of trust (no matter how hard I tried I couldn't 100% trust him due to him cheating on me a year into our relationship and "rumours" from an apparently trustworthy source (Girlfriend of his best friend) that he had sex with other people). We met when we were 19 and these issues happened in the first five years. I think he grew up a lot in the second part of our relationship and really settled down. But he never had my full trust and I would always maintain a small barrier so as not all of my feelings were given to him. We also had some sexual incompatabilities which resulted in me never wanting the sexual side of our relationship. The saying that I loved him but was not in love with him definitely applied in this case. In 2009 we had a rough patch and this resulted in me kissing someone else who I had known for a few years. I thought that at this stage it was time to end the relationship - if you are desiring other people it should ring warning bells!!! I think part of it was a "pay back" as I knew that he had done these kind of things to me. We managed to have a big talk about our relationship (he did not know about my infedility) and decided to have a fresh start in a new city and we got engaged. I was happy then as I realised we have been through a lot and we were (in parts) compatible and wanted similar life goals etc. However the growing niggle that we weren't meant to be together got bigger and bigger and there were some actions by him that were inexusable - I told him that I was not happy with his behaviour but I dont think he realised how serious I was and unhappy I was. The growing realisation that I didnt love him and didnt want to be with him kept getting bigger and bigger and the fundamental issues (no trust, no sexual desire, no love) seemed to me to be the right reasons to end it. The fact that we were best friends was not enough. I am certain I made the right decision............ I ended it 8 months ago and we have not seen each other for about 4 months. However I cant forget him - recently everything that I see reminds me of him - I go into Starbucks and remember his order, I go into the supermarket and see the things he used to buy, I went to IKEA and had such vivid memories of being there with him. I have stories that I hear that I think about telling him, I just keep thinkingabout him. I also keep hoping he is happy and wonder what he is doing now (no FBook contact or anything so not sure what he is doing). I would love to e.g. go to our favourite restaurant one more time or something similar - I dont feel any romantic loss or longing for him - I just miss his company so much and miss the things we did together that we no longer do. I have started dating and see so clearly that the "romantic" side was definitely wrong in our relationship - I just miss our friendship so so so much - is it normal?? Link to comment
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