Disaster Posted October 31, 2011 Share Posted October 31, 2011 So it started earlier this year that I developed a crush on this girl. Problem is, I'm already in a relationship of 2 years. Its an LDR, and even though it's not perfect, lately it was going really well, and I was already with my mind set and working on moving to her town. But last night I talked to my crush for a bit and she was really friendly, etc, and got her phone number and she told me she would be at a concert today. It was such a bitter sweet feeling: finally doing something about it, but feeling so crappy cause things were kinda looking up for me and my gf. I haven't told my gf, but I will, just don't know how or when (well I guess it should be ASAP). The dilemma is that I didn't think this girl would give me her number, or want to hang out (and even now I suspect she's probably not looking for a serious thing, but I am...), and still don't think it will work, but I want to find out, but at the same time, I still love my gf, and was working on moving to her town, and even visiting soon (I still have to find a job, which is why I haven't moved quite yet, but have applied to a few, just they haven't got back to me, and I know I could apply to many more, and was working on it by fixing my resume, etc), but I know this relationship won't last forever cause there are many things against it, even if I solve the distance issue (i.e. she said she might move out of the country next summer, to a place much farther away). Please help... I've never been in this situation before and never thought I would. Part of me thinks/hopes things will not work out with this new girl anyway, and I should just keep it quiet for now, but then another part of me is disgusted and things I should be honest, no matter what... Extra details: I first started crushing on this girl back in February, but she disappeared and with time I got over it. One or two months ago, she "reappeared" and this was during a rough patch I went through with my gf, who was mad at me for a few days. When she decided to talk to me again, I told her about the crush... But back then I wasn't sure I wanted to do anything about it except, like I said, for closure's sake. Link to comment
RedDress Posted October 31, 2011 Share Posted October 31, 2011 Well... from what you've described, it doesn't sound like you've cheated or anything and I really don't think that it's a crime to feel attracted to other people. Maybe getting her number was slightly shady since you know your intentions are not pure... but I really don't think you have anything to confess. I think this is really just a case of deciding (NOW - not after you cheat) which girl you want to be with. Really? You don't seem convinced about either of them and you aren't confident about either of them working out. So... I'm not sure it matters much. I guess the bigger question is... why are you moving and changing your life around for a girl who isn't even sure she's staying put? AND you are attracted and wanting to be with others? I think the LDR is dead... Link to comment
offplanet Posted October 31, 2011 Share Posted October 31, 2011 If you were sure of getting the crush, you would probably leave the LDR, right? Don't hang onto the LDR just because you don't have anything better yet. Link to comment
Disaster Posted October 31, 2011 Author Share Posted October 31, 2011 Well... from what you've described, it doesn't sound like you've cheated or anything and I really don't think that it's a crime to feel attracted to other people. Maybe getting her number was slightly shady since you know your intentions are not pure... but I really don't think you have anything to confess. I think this is really just a case of deciding (NOW - not after you cheat) which girl you want to be with. Really? You don't seem convinced about either of them and you aren't confident about either of them working out. So... I'm not sure it matters much. I guess the bigger question is... why are you moving and changing your life around for a girl who isn't even sure she's staying put? AND you are attracted and wanting to be with others? I think the LDR is dead... Yes, I am a mess. Well I was planning on moving there to be with her, but I did also kinda want a change of scenery at some point (just not sure when, and if I don't get a job over there, it might take a couple of years. Although I'm thinking about joining a master's program and if I decide to pick one from her town, that would speed things up. Thing is, I haven't found one that has what I want over there). Maybe it's for the best... She doesn't deserve to be kept waiting. And yes, I don't want to cheat... I would definitively tell her before it got that far. It would be a double betrayal if I let it go that way, for both girls... If you were sure of getting the crush, you would probably leave the LDR, right? Don't hang onto the LDR just because you don't have anything better yet. I don't know about that... I sometimes think yes, I would leave the LDR. But often times, lately, I was thinking that my girlfriend has been very supportive of me, and at least for the moment I thought nothing was worth leaving her (cause the fact that she's likely going to move next year was a bridge we could've crossed if/when we came upon it). But now I don't know. Whatever the outcome, I will tell the truth before anything truly develops... Link to comment
Disaster Posted November 3, 2011 Author Share Posted November 3, 2011 Thought I would post an update. I saw the new girl briefly the other day, but I don't think she's going to end up being girlfriend material (according to what I've heard from 2 different persons she's just more of a party girl than I'd be looking for and I think I've outgrown going out with party girls). I mean, I guess I'll find out if she comes to this party I invited her to in a couple of days. But the last two days I've found myself wondering sometimes that even if she is girlfriend material, how will it feel for me? I've found myself almost crying when I think of leaving my gf... I might not be cut out for this jumping from one relationship to another one. I anticipate that if I leave my girlfriend, for this girl (If she is girlfriend material... or any other girl that is, for that matter) that the sadness will win and I will actually end up being alone. Which isn't the end of the world at all... Just makes me very indecisive and depressed (which probably makes me unattractive anyway). The other possibility (and most likely one) is that either the new girl loses interest or just doesn't want a serious relationship, and we never get past maybe getting a cup of coffee and just become friends or something (I could use female friends anyway... since I only have like 1 besides my girlfriend) and I wouldn't lose my girlfriend and risk being sad... But maybe I'm getting ahead of myself. It's been anxious times for me since my last visit to my girlfriend. Trying to figure out what I want to do (to move or not to move, to break up or not to break up, to forget about the new girl or not, what masters program to attend, etc). Link to comment
lalalollipops Posted November 3, 2011 Share Posted November 3, 2011 wow you're selfish. Dump your gf if you're unsure you want to be with her, don't let her be the 'safe option' Link to comment
Disaster Posted November 4, 2011 Author Share Posted November 4, 2011 That's what I felt. It doesn't matter. I will never go out with this new girl (long story) and will probably never see her again (unless she happens to be hanging out somewhere that I end up going to with my friends or something. Even then it will be a while cause I will be out of town for a bit). I never did go out with her (or even got to ask her out for a real date), and I never did anything physical with her, so even though I technically didn't cheat, I feel like crap. My only consolation is that it just resolved itself through circumstances. I did feel selfish, which is why I posted here desperately, feeling like crap. I will see how things develop with my current job, but if I find something better in my girlfriend's town, you better not even doubt that I'll take it... After all, 2 months ago, it was what I desperately wanted to do: move to her city... I'm starting to feel like that again. She's mad at me at the moment cause of an argument we had... Hope she'll forgive me. If not, I think I might move to her city anyway cause I love it there. Would just be even better if she's there too... Link to comment
foolmeonce Posted November 4, 2011 Share Posted November 4, 2011 Its an LDR, and even though it's not perfect, lately......things were kinda looking up for me and my gf... (and even now I suspect she's probably not looking for a serious thing, but I am...)...I know this relationship won't last forever cause there are many things against it...this was during a rough patch I went through with my gf...Please help Whoa!! slow down...you ARE looking for a serious thing? So that comment shows me you dont view ur current as serious, BUT, u are going to pick up and move to be with her...KNOWING the relationship is doomed from the start? Look...we only live once...if after 2 years you dont see urself w/this girl & arent in a serious relationship...you would be CRAZY not to explore/give other options a try. You could end up dating this girl and totally click w/her after a month, two..heck maybe a year! BUT....you obviously dont feel that way from what u've said about your current 2 year relationship. No offense...but if it aint there after 2 years...it never will be. Take a chance and dont miss out on something that could be really great! Link to comment
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