eternalsunrise Posted October 31, 2011 Share Posted October 31, 2011 I need some advice guys...I feel really bothered about something but not sure what to do or if I should do anything at all. This post is about my X husband. I've been in 3 relationships total and I'm 34 years old. My first real relationship, I got married to "Chris" at a terribly young age (19--I know, it's nuts!). We were together for about 5 years. We divorced amicably and went our separate ways. - The reason was primarily because I wanted to have children and he pretty much said he was not going to ever have another child. Yes he had a baby with his Ex right before I met him. (I was the absolute best stepmom to his baby, by the way!) I was resilient, afterall I was only about 25, and ready to find the man of my dreams, someone who would have a family with me, too. Well, let me speed this up...three years later after I got cheated on and dumped by who I thought was the love of my life, I contacted my X-husband. I don't know, I think I needed to figure out about myself like what was wrong with me. I took getting cheated on far worse than the mere stigma of getting a divorce. I was so incredibly heartbroken. Devastated is more like it. I think I had a mental breakdown. I have never loved anyone the way I loved "Mark". Ever since then...I've considered my X husband Chris a true friend...he and I have talked a lot over the years since I contacted him after my breakup with Mark who cheated on me. We don't talk all the time or consistently, but we at least seem to say hi a few times every six months or so. Meanwhile Chris got married and was married for a few years. He did confide in me towards the end of their marriage that they were going to get a divorce. I was stunned really. I thought him tying the knot again meant he was pretty sure about her. I know for me, I err on the side of skepticism about getting married again (don't get me wrong, I want it so much but I'm sooo cautious). Anyway, so the reason for their divorce was again he didn't want to have any more kids. She did. Well, she accidentally got pregnant and it was right after he got the courage to file for divorce. When he originally told me this I admit, I was shocked considering one of the reasons he didn't want to have kids with me is because he was scared it would screw up his child's life, that his child was already sensitive and having another child might make her feel left out. He also feared that something would happen to he and I and he would have 2 kids not in their nuclear family. I think he created a self-fulfilling prophecy. He ended up having the child and still got a divorce. Just unbelievable the whole thing. I managed to stay way far at a friendly distance of course. It's been about a year since he's been divorced. We've talked maybe twice. Well then he called me the other day and we talked for a while. Then I sensed he was flirting with me or something. It was weird considering I barely even remember any feelings like that about him. I don't feel anything other than friendship with him. I feel like he disrespected the friendship boundary by flirting with me. And after all we'd been through, the entire reason we got a divorce to begin with...does he think that he can try to get back together with me NOW? I can't believe how much he screwed up by getting a divorce *again* and on top of that, he had a child. So his worst nightmare came true afterall. I just want to yell at him, you made your bed now lie in it! I admit I'm angry. I felt nothing really until that moment when he flirted with me. How dare him. Ughh, what an awful feeling it gave me... I felt like our friendship was in vain. Flirting with me was like taking a knife and stabbing me right in the heart. Like he thought so little of me that he would do that however aware he was about it. He should know that would be a really bad move. When I was so young, 24ish years old, I could have started a family and never been a "divorced woman". But here I am, divorced, 34, no husband, no kids. I really can't believe it. It makes me really sad that I didn't make it. It's not too late is it? Ughh, I know it's not. I do I really do. It will be okay. But seriously, talk about depression! Did my X husband really just flirt with me...sloppy 3rds, huh? I don't think so. It made me start doubting my integrity to have even remained friends or something. I don't know. He's not normally like that. But he just about ruined our friendship. That's what I'm wondering, I think it may be time to not have that every six months friendly hello phone call with him anymore. I just feel like dirt now about it. I'm also embarrassed that I have this post here ...I feel like such a loser. Do you think I should never talk to him again? I feel like maybe there is a huge step of personal growth that I need to go through by closing that door forever....even though we were just friends. What do you think? Link to comment
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