My friend invited me AND her tomorrow in the same car to ride together othercity

[Esbe]

its only been a little over a week, she doesnt yet. I barely found out we were both invited. its not even like my friend cares about us getting together so its just gonna be like me and my feelings. i cant back out now because i this is the worst time to be weak

 

what do i do, how to act, help!

[Esbe]

over a week we broke up i mean

she said she felt i changed then after a week of not talking we ended up at the same party and texted me the next day she didnt make it seem like she was avoiding me and she said she missed me but not much more

[abitbroken]

Explain to the friend that you had broken up . maybe the friend doesn't know. Maybe other arrangements can be made.

[Esbe]

she does shes just like lets all be friends you guys just be friends yay. she doesnt realize how strongly i feel for this girl. in a way i almost want to go, I miss her, I want to do the right things to progress our situation, im just afraid im going to just not be able to help but * * * * ing up.

[Wutdo]

Bring a book, read, pretend she doesn't exist. Why? If she broke up with you, then she probably doesn't care about your feelings for her, except out of guilt for hurting you, if that. She said she misses you? This'll sound harsh. Big f'n whoop. She misses you being there for her. Nothing more, nothing less. And she'll replace you at some point.

 

Not sure why you have to drive with them in the first place. If you don't have to go, then don't. Not being around her will help you more, emotionally. This is like being dehydrated and tied up with a glass of water just out of reach. Why torture yourself? Or you can be a manly man for a day and pretend nothing phases you.

[Mephisto13]

I'd warn your friend about the breakup (if he doesn't know yet, he might change his mind...if he knows, it's on him) and of the potential downfall of having both of you in a closed space for many hours. I'd take the high road and be civil, and NOT bite at any of the comments from your ex that will likely start a massive fight.

 

Else, you could also have a major blow out for the duration of the trip...which will in the end hurt everyone, but also teach your friend not to do what he just did (if it was intentional, because if he didn't know about the break up, then it's not really his fault).

 

Still, everything is emotionally raw with you due to the recent break up. I dunno why you would put yourself in that position. Nothing good can come of it...because you're not getting back together.

[Esbe]

i dont have money to drive myself and it would just be gay to stay home on halloween because of a girl thats no longer my girlfriend. blow out isnt really something that worries me because shes really laid back and as long as I can just keep it together I wont set her off. I want to get back with her and i fear this too soon to spend so much time together. if this ends up being negative I want to minimize the damage. any tips?

[Esbe]

who knows though she my ex said a while ago a bunch of her friends are going. If she still ends up going with us, AND she moved into MY friends house where i was supposed to move in with her in a couple months, then im just confused. Does it sound like shes unsure of a total break up?

[camus154]

Tips? Sure. #1, forget about this girl. Forget about getting back together with her. This is what all dumpees feel, and it almost never turns out well.

 

Tip #2, hang out with other friends.

[Esbe]

the friend is a female by the way. "friend" in this whole post is the same female.

[Esbe]

people have done it, I cant just not try. no one with anything helpful? i mean thanks everyone anyways, but I have to at least try. and the point of today is going to be damaging my chances the least. i tried to get another ride. No one i know is going, or has money for gas and neither do I. plus my friend has been my close friend for 8 years. I dont want my ex pushing me out of spending time with my friend. Shes been helping me out alot lately

[camus154]

Why do you "have to try"?

 

Everyone says this. Every dumpee thinks they stand a chance at making things happen again. And so very little actually do.

 

If none of your other friends are going (to where?), then go somewhere else.

[Esbe]

hollywood, and thats the thing theres not much TO do but focus on myself. Out of so many guys that were trying to get with her, we met and started dating in two months. I know if deal with my depression with other things in my life that i was SO convinced was coming out of our relationship, shell come back to the strong happy person I was. She thinks ive changed but ive lost myself.

 

I want to know how to keep cool, not do anything stupid, whats innappropriate. i dont even want to attempt being with her again until im sure i can give her what she deserves again. I just dont want to damage everything beyond repair tonight

[Esbe]

when i get that sick feeling, the one that makes me behave in this weak disgusting way that i i hate that is not who i am, It almost always overcomes me. I dont know how to deal with it. im hoping i dont get it but i dont know if i will or not

[Mephisto13]

You're trying to get back with her. She dumped you and wants nothing to do with you.

 

You say you want to focus on yourself, when your focussing on her and how to get her back. Just know that any mention or talk that will "set her off" will damage things beyond repair (if she's so laid back, why would be go off at something that you say?). I'm thinking it's already beyond repair...you're just not seeing it. Do you might need one other reminder or reinforcement that you're not together anymore?

 

As for your other friend, you can also spend time with her when she's not hanging with your ex.

 

And that feeling? That's hurt, that's remorse, that's acceptance and slowly healing. It's going to hurt a lot for a while, and even more when you keep seeing her and seeing her rebuff your advances. It'll hurt so much you won't want to see her anymore because each time you do, it hurts.

 

That's why there's No Contact. With NC, out of sight, out of mind. It helps with the addiction that is "your ex".

[Esbe]

I see what you're saying but i feel my situation just isnt understood. I know i started focusing on myself to get her back, but then i started feeling really good and like myself again and its onlly been a week. and she doesnt get set off, i apologize, she gets like....weird. she like emotionally shuts down and gets quiet and start thinking all this weird * * * * . She has a huge problem with communicating her problems to me and they got worse as our relationship suffered. im her first real relationship and shes opened up to me in the first month we were together than she has to anyone else in her life. I know things about her no one knows about her.

 

I dont know, I thought the getting back together was going to be more about getting back together, and theres a chance there is no upside for my situation today.

 

* * * * it. lets do this

[Esbe]

the getting back together forum*

[Mephisto13]

Just remember, it takes two to get back together.

 

 

 

Good luck.