A girlfriend of a depressed man. What should I do?

[Beautifulugly]

Me and my bf have been together on and off for a years now. Hes 27 & im 21. I love him with all my heart and would do anything for him. Weve been thur alot but weve left the past in the past. Hes come to clean to the fact that hes depressed, unhappy, knows who he wants to be but doesnt know how to get there. He doesnt have the will or power to change. When we were together at the beginning it was magical we rushed it moved in to fast and things starting falling apart. He has a 8 & 5 year old. I think now all of thr mistakes we made then have been faced and fixed except now it has hiy him hard. Everything the past the future the present. His ex wife of almost 10 years left him for drugs. Cheated. Abused him and even left the kids for him to keep as now he has full custody. Our beginning was beautiful no one has made me happier. I know the real him and thats y I stick around he has cheated. Has said horrible things and weve been physivslly apart for 4 months... Now that I know itd NOT ME idk what to do to help. Its hid midlife crisis and I hate to see him hurt.... Id take the pain away if I could. Id die for this kid. Love him till I die ........ But idk what to do. What not to do. How I can help. Has any man been thur this? What could anyone done differently? ...help me

[Ms Darcy]

You indict his ex for cheating on him yet he cheated on you. Really, I think you deserve better. He can't give you the consistent love you want and deserve.

[Lithp]

The only thing you can do is be there for him with love and support while he goes through this. You can't get him help, though you can encourage it, and you should. You can't force him to face his issues, that is all on him. When you're depressed, it's comfortable to be that way. It's scary to face reality, and face the fact that you are in control of your own happiness. When you're depressed you don't consider that there is hope or help for you, you just want OUT. No one can fix you when you're depressed, and no one can fix your situation, but it helps to know that you have people who won't turn their back on you.

 

In saying that, to be in a relationship with someone who is struggling with depression can be emotionally and mentally draining. A lot of people end up getting dragged down into it because after trying for so long you realise there is not a thing you can do, and that is painful. Don't let that happen to you, and if you feel it is, you need to leave. Tell him you love him but he needs help and until he starts making those changes for himself, you can't be in his life. It's heartbreaking to walk away from a situation like that but sometimes it is necessary.

[abitbroken]

At 27, this is not a midlife crisis. This man has possibly not healed from the hurt of being left by his ex and his priority should be the children he is raising and has to figure out how to be a single dad. I am not doubting your romance was special, but the honeymoon is over - he is not sure what he wants. He cheated on you, you are apart and you want to know how to get back together? Why? I would leave him be, He has much to sort through right now and can't give you the relationship you want.