n4mele5s Posted October 30, 2011 Share Posted October 30, 2011 I was wondering if you guys can help me with this situation. It is going to be a very long story so if you have any questions feel free to ask me. So about 6 months ago, I met this amazing girl where I spend time to talk to and developed a relationship together. Unfortunately, she was in a relationship in the past where she was engaged with her ex but he left her cause he was not ready for it. His reasoning for that as we found out later on was that he was going through midlife crisis. She was heartbroken and left to the dead. Few months later I appeared and developed this connection with her. Sadly, her mother wants her to get back with her ex cause they have been through alot together for two years. She was pretty stress due to the decision she has to make. Being an idoit, I messaged her friend and asked her what I should do to make her feel better in this situation but her friend told her about everything. As a family oriented person, she chose family and I respect that. However, she still wants me to around and she still talks to me like how we use to talk when were in a relationship. For example, she uses " She even took the initiative to message me. All these things being said, the guy is living with her family in the same room. She continued on with the stress and this caused me pain to see her this way. So again, I asked the friend about how she is feeling. Unfortunately, this led to a miserable mistake ( I ADMIT IT) and her not talking to me. For the last time after seeing her being somewhat lovely dovely with the guy on facebook, I tried to have her answer my question which is if she really wants to be with the guy. Unfortunately, she said she has no choice and she is sticking with him. Then i told her that I should stop talking to her. All she said, go do what you got to do. Its been a week but it bothers me that she said she has no choice. Anyone want to help me and tell me why this is bothering me? Thanks Link to comment
Moontiger Posted October 30, 2011 Share Posted October 30, 2011 Her attitude, that she has "no choice" but to be with this guy is immature. We all have choices and some are harder then others. The bottom line is, if she TRULY wanted to be with you she would be. IMO, based on this story you dodge a bullet. Take sometime to heal and objectively look at the entire situation. Link to comment
shortest_straw90 Posted October 30, 2011 Share Posted October 30, 2011 What does she mean by she has no choice? Link to comment
n4mele5s Posted October 30, 2011 Author Share Posted October 30, 2011 Basically her family see this guy as the right man for her even though he left her completely without working things out with her. Honestly guys I already gone through the first step by admitting that we cant be together. Unfortunately, this part of her saying that she doesnt have a choice somewhat bothers me. Link to comment
Moontiger Posted October 30, 2011 Share Posted October 30, 2011 I can understand why it bothers you. I'm not sure had to word this so forgive me if this comes of wrong, you seem to buy into the idea that she had "no choice". Look at the title of you tread. There was no "force" here. Her family may have guilt tripped her, tried to influence her, etc, but SHE was the one to choose, she picked, she could have walked away, its all on her not her family and not her fiance. She is taking zero responsibility for this and you seem to be, like I said, buying into that. I think it will help you to re-frame this whole thing in your mind. Like I said, there was no force here, it was a grown woman making a choice. Link to comment
n4mele5s Posted October 30, 2011 Author Share Posted October 30, 2011 I was more towards the expectation that she says "I want to be with this guy so * * * * off" but she pick the other route. So I told her we need to stop talking period. Link to comment
Princess123 Posted October 30, 2011 Share Posted October 30, 2011 She is emotionally unstable. She has a choice she is using the "no choice" thing as an excuse. It's probably bothering you because you may be stubborn and annoyed that she won't admit what she really wants. You clearly can tell she is dancing around something. Cut off all contact. Link to comment
n4mele5s Posted October 31, 2011 Author Share Posted October 31, 2011 She is emotionally unstable. She has a choice she is using the "no choice" thing as an excuse. It's probably bothering you because you may be stubborn and annoyed that she won't admit what she really wants. You clearly can tell she is dancing around something. Cut off all contact. Makes sense thats probably why. But how could you tell shes emotionally unstable? Link to comment
abitbroken Posted October 31, 2011 Share Posted October 31, 2011 The only scenario I can see is if she was from a very traditional family who sort of set her up with her ex fiance as someone else from her country and expected them to marry - but even then she has a choice. It is very lame to "side with family" over being with someone you don't want to be with. Yes, sometimes family can't get over a child's ex for awhile but they eventually come around. I suspect she has the spine of a piece of a spaghetti or really truly wanted to get back with her ex fiance but wanted to do it in a way so you wouldn't feel bad. Link to comment
n4mele5s Posted November 1, 2011 Author Share Posted November 1, 2011 The only scenario I can see is if she was from a very traditional family who sort of set her up with her ex fiance as someone else from her country and expected them to marry - but even then she has a choice. It is very lame to "side with family" over being with someone you don't want to be with. Yes, sometimes family can't get over a child's ex for awhile but they eventually come around. I suspect she has the spine of a piece of a spaghetti or really truly wanted to get back with her ex fiance but wanted to do it in a way so you wouldn't feel bad. But in a way shes already do stuff to hurt. So why not just say it out for her to be with me? Link to comment
n4mele5s Posted December 28, 2011 Author Share Posted December 28, 2011 hey guys thanks alot for helping me out with this... ive been doing very well ignoring her. unfortunately, her bestfriend messaged me and told a lot of stuff. She basically was telling the truth that her parents did force her to get back with him but for now she is just friends with him. She was also trying to push me away by showing that everything is good with her ex fiance. Also, she told her friend that she will get back with him but she has to wait for the "right time" to get back with him. She can't even talk about me to anyone at all cause she just doesnt want to and feels very uncomfortable to talk bout it (gets very emotional). Last but not least, shes doing stupid things that will probably ruin her future and career but the guy wont do anything to stop her cause hes "very understanding" once again thank you guys it seems like in the end im not going crazy! Link to comment
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