iowan Posted October 29, 2011 Share Posted October 29, 2011 I'm lost, not sure what to do. I love my husband, but he won't stop thinking and talking about something, and I'm afraid he'll never forgive me. History: -We started dating when we were very young, I was 17 and he was 18. Ten years later, we're married (have been for 4 years). The problem is that I was immature when we were first together, and it took me some time before I knew what I wanted, or even who I was. When I was about 21, I had doubts about our relationship, and wondered if I still had feelings for the guy I dated before he and I were together. I wondered this in a journal, which he found earlier this year. When he confronted me about it, I didn't know what to say. It was so long ago, in my mind, and it had no relevance or bearing on our current life together. I apologized, and apologized, and we talked about it for months. He asked me if I ever cheated on him. I did not, and told him so. He asked me again. That hurt, deeply, answering that question, but I answered it. I just wanted him to feel ok. The only time we could be close was when we were physically intimate. He would search through my belongings when I was away from the house, and if he found something he didn't understand he would be furious. He would look through photos of us during that time, and would say that our relationship during that time was based on a lie. I never told him about these doubts, and he had no idea. I was afraid he would overreact, so I kept them to myself. I'm glad I did, because they were silly. My conclusion then was that I loved him, and wanted to be with him. Gradually, he stopped asking me about it. I was ready to move on. I have not had doubts like that since that time, when I was so young, and before we were engaged. I understand that he's hurting, and I understand that it's my fault. But I don't understand the intensity of his response. I have never cheated on him, have never thought about it. What he discovered was simply my innermost thoughts, and I didn't have those thoughts to hurt him. Eight months after he found the journal, he tells me that he thinks about it every single day. It's worse when he gets stressed, but it's there no matter what. He wants to go through every object I own with me, to make sure there's nothing else I'm hiding from him that I might have forgotten. Every time I think we have already done that, he thinks of another place where we should look. I do not know what to do here. I've asked him about going to therapy, alone or together, and he is completely against it. Will NOT consider it for a moment. It feels like he wants me to pay for what I did. I don't know how to take it back, and I don't think I should have to pay for this mistake indefinitely. I'm a good wife, I love my husband but this is bordering on emotional abuse. Everything is my fault, everything bad that happens is because I did this horrible thing. How can I move forward? Let him talk about it, or try to wait for it to run its course? How much longer will he be thinking about this every single day? Am I being unreasonable here, expecting him to get over it too soon? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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