KYRiverGrl Posted January 20, 2012 Author Share Posted January 20, 2012 The past couple of days I have been really missing him. I feel tempted to email or text him asking how he has been. Someone PLEASE help talk me out of it! Please. Link to comment
notrick Posted January 20, 2012 Share Posted January 20, 2012 just as i was quite proud of my NC, and as always she contacted me today by mobile phone chat, very polite, very distant, just to ask me a couple of things of something i sold her in the last days we where together and sent me kisses, then by curiosity checked her FB and saw a bunch of sad songs, and a post that said something like this a book everyone will read sooner or later, the name of the book " how to forget the person we love"... tired of these mixed signals she gives to me anyway everytime i see that she is suffering or her life is not as good as i expected ....i feel great.... i know this is an illusion but what the hell...at least it boosts me for the rest of the day She probably misses you. Doesn't mean she wants to get back together. When your SO leaves, s/he has a powerful wish that you could go back to being friends without the relationship aspect. She either doesn't understand that won't happen or is failing to uphold her end of it. "No contact" also means you don't accept her attempts at contact. Link to comment
notrick Posted January 20, 2012 Share Posted January 20, 2012 The past couple of days I have been really missing him. I feel tempted to email or text him asking how he has been. Someone PLEASE help talk me out of it! Please. Don't do it. It's like picking at a scab. If you do it, it takes longer to heal. And (also as with a scab) once you've done it, you realize that it actually made you feel worse. Link to comment
KYRiverGrl Posted January 21, 2012 Author Share Posted January 21, 2012 I had the strength not to All that I had to do was remember what happened last month. I don't want to go through all of that pain and humiliation again! Link to comment
davidharvey Posted January 25, 2012 Share Posted January 25, 2012 " My emotions are so up and down. I don't want to feel like this for months or years. I am not ready to date anyone yet, because I know I'd just use any guy as a rebound and I don't want that. It seems so unfair that he was able to move on instantly to this woman but I am alone and crying. Or, at least crying sometimes. It sucks!" in responce to my post the other day i read through all your related forums and i want to ask : ive been living for her for a long time and often she depends on me too make her smile and make her feel good about herself and building up her confidence was hard and making her feel confident in her appearance, so me walking out could affect my girlfriend in a very negative way. and i still love her , i dont want to hurt her and put her in a negative place? And i dont want her to loose all that confidence what you think ? Link to comment
KYRiverGrl Posted January 25, 2012 Author Share Posted January 25, 2012 in responce to my post the other day i read through all your related forums and i want to ask : ive been living for her for a long time and often she depends on me too make her smile and make her feel good about herself and building up her confidence was hard and making her feel confident in her appearance, so me walking out could affect my girlfriend in a very negative way. and i still love her , i dont want to hurt her and put her in a negative place? And i dont want her to loose all that confidence what you think ? Walking out on someone always hurts, whether it's for a justified reason or not, and it's hard on both dumper and dumpee. You say you still love her -- as a lover, as a friend, or for her "just being there" for you? If she depends on you that much to feel good about herself, then there's co-dependency going on. Not a healthy recipe for a relationship. I depended on my partner to feel good about myself, which eventually made me miserable because I lost myself in the process. I eventually moved (as you know from reading this thread) and he moved on to someone else ... and yes it devastated me emotionally. But ... in many ways it was a gift because I was forced to look deep within my own essence to find the beauty there that does not need anyone else's confirmation. Your gf is in the same boat judging from your post. Has she indicated that she needs space, or is she hanging on -- and doe she know that you are thinking about walking out on her? Keep in mind that it is always nice to have someone smile at you, tell you that you're beautiful, and giving support. Those actions are normal to a healthy relationship. At least from a woman's perspective, lol ;-) It's not so healthy, however, if she can't make herself feel good without you constantly by her side. I can't tell you to walk out on her or stay with her ... those are your choices to make alone. If you plan on walking, please be respectful and be upfront with her. Women hate lying and evasiveness as much as guys do. She will be hurt for sure -- there's nothing you can do about that. Being dumped always hurts. There's no way out of that. If you still love her, and if she loves you, then perhaps things can be worked out mutually. It might be a good idea to talk to a mental health professional or relationship coach. Good luck David! Link to comment
KYRiverGrl Posted February 4, 2012 Author Share Posted February 4, 2012 About 1.5 mos. NC. I am feeling better for the most part since the incident back in December, but depression has set in, followed by anger and then followed by acceptance -- it keeps on going in a circle. The depression has to do with alot of other things besides the ex (indeed the ex is a pretty small part of it). One thing that bothers me -- will I ever love again? Sometimes I feel that I don't have a chance against all of the young beauties out there (I am 50) ... but then again a deserving guy would look past things like age and beauty and see and appreciate the person within. I know I have a lot to offer. I also know it will be A WHILE before I can open myself to another person ... I have too many long-standing issues to work out. I have been having dreams about him every night again. Last night it was a really weird dream. I found myself in the same buildings with the ex, but he was always in a different room and did not make an attempt to reach me. I felt like I was over him romantically but wanted to be friends (this could pertain to the future). Anyway, I found myself in a street corner and he was ahead of me, he saw me and walked into a drugstore. I talked to a friend of mine telling her I wanted to talk to him, and she told me that he did not want to talk to me, that if I made any progress it would be merely inches. Anyway, I followed him in the drugstore and caught up w/him. He turned to me and told me that he did not want to be around me. I told him that I wanted to be friends, and he said "that's not what I want." He then told me to stop bothering him and leave him alone. I walked away, crying because he did not want to be friends with me. I then saw the one friend I was talking to earlier, and asked her why he did not want to be friends. She told me "because he knows ... that you are going to be married!" I retorted to her "but I'm not even dating anyone!" Remember this is a dream I had last night ... not real life. That was a very vivid dream. I love dreams and feel it's important to analyze them. For the past few days I have been doing meditation exercise of letting him go, letting my feelings for him go, releasing everything so I can move on. That is when the dreams started again. I have had a couple of dreams where I was back with him, and I was either without legs, or so short that I could not reach things I normally could. This was telling me that when I was with him I had no stature, that I could not stand on my own two feet, that I did not have a leg to stand on. Our subconscious tells us, through dreams, in common-sense terms. When I was with ex, it was all about him. He overshadowed me, and expected me to just be there, my own emotional/mental/spiritual needs be damned. Now that I cut him off from my life (blocking FB/email, and telling him never to call me again) he may harbor resentment against me. He has put the blame on our BU on me, not realizing that his actions (or lack of them) carries most of the reasons why it did not work. I know I had a part in it as well, but he did not appreciate the inner me. For us women feeling appreciated for our individuality is extremely important. The NC is hard. He was unemployed and I heard last week, from another friend of mine, that he is employed now. I wanted so bad to text and congratulate him, but good friends talked me out of it. Last night's dream could be telling me that he is pissed that I cut him off -- but I had to because if I contact him again it would just suck me back into where I was back in December. He was trying to use me as a "backup" in case things don't work out with the new gf ... or was trying to use me to get closer to her, or perhaps just a booty call (most exes miss us sexually w/o having any intention of getting back into a full relationship). Perhaps, in the future when I meet someone who DESERVES me, and someone who treats me right, it'll totally piss him off. I don't know, but judging from this dream, I could never be friends with him. It is sad, because we shared alot over the years, but more and more his true colors have been revealed by both my dreams and the things he has done since I moved here back in August. Someone who does not need to be in my life, and someone who is so selfish that he wants to hang on to me despite the fact he's in another relationship ... perhaps in the future he'll be single again and still want me. The dream suggests that by that time I will no longer want to be anything but friends with him. Dreams are cool. I will be analyzing this one for some time ... it was a goodie! Link to comment
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