KYRiverGrl Posted October 29, 2011 Share Posted October 29, 2011 Hello all, this is a very nice forum. It is good to see that I am not alone in this. My 11 + -year relationship ended about a month ago. Back in 1999, a friend of mine at work and I decided that we liked each other. He was married, and I told him that I liked him but knew he was not available and wanted him to tell me that yes, he was married. HOWEVER, he told me that he liked me too ... and the craziness began. He eventually left his marriage to be with me, which I have always felt guilty about. We moved in together in 2001. Once I started living with him, he changed. He was so nice and perfect before, then he started becoming controlling, he'd snap at me for the stupidest reasons, he would get all bent out of shape if I got my hair fixed the way he did not like it. He was very good to me in many ways -- he never ignored me, he always bought nice gifts when we were out, we always had a good time during vacations and we had great sex. However, he never breached the subject of marriage. When I brought it up he'd either brush it off or get nasty. It was like everything had to be on his terms, my needs be damned. He did not get along with my daughter and she eventually moved out. I almost left in 2004, but he talked me into staying. I was in bad shape financially and could not afford to anyway -- I was dependent upon him because of my own lack of monetary discpline. By the beginning of this year I had enough. I began the process of getting out of the house. I was looking at apartments, etc, and became much more money-savvy ;-) Back in the summer I told him that if we don't get married by the end of the year I was leaving -- and at first he seemed pretty understanding about it, then when I breached the subject again he began to cry and begged me not to leave. He then said that we would get married by the end of the year. I told him okay ... but thought about it for a couple of days and realized that he really did not want to get married -- he was just trying to get me to stay. I knew that the controlling-ness and emotional indifference was not going to change either. I needed to sort things out, which required space. So, I told him I was moving. He got very upset and told me that I was the only one he ever loved; that no one would love me the way he did. When I moved I gave him the option of staying together and he said yes. We dated for a couple of weeks and it was really nice ... I had the space that I needed and I still had him. At the end of September he went to Virginia Beach with a friend of ours, to get a Hypnotherapy certification. I had no problem with him going with her ... we were all friends. A couple of days after he left he quit calling me. I panicked and tried to reach him to no avail. I had a sinking feeling in my stomach that something was going on between them but brushed it off, thinking my imagination was running overtime. When he got back he finally called me and we went out to dinner the next evening. I asked him why he did not call or return my calls, and he said that it was because I left and that I would not be there when he returned. I asked about our friend -- did anything happen between them? He said no ... and I started crying and told him that I was sorry I hurt him. I left for home. He did not call me back. I few days later our "friend" called me and informed me that her and him were dating. I was stunned and did not know what to say. I emailed him the next morning asking why he did not tell me about this, and if he was so unhappy about me moving why didn't he break it off before dating her??? He said he didn't want to hurt me, lol. Hah, what he did -- the lying, the evasiveness, the dumping me like a dog he did not want anymore, the utter betrayal -- hurt 10X more than breaking it off would have. Then, I let loose and cryed my eyes out in the bathroom downstairs (I was at work). He treated me with such disrespect by dumping me for her ... I understand why he'd want to move on but damn he moved on so quickly ... I so hate what he did. My emotions went up and down, and I emailed him telling him that I understood why he'd did what he did, but he handled it horribly. I also emailed his new gf and wished them luck. I tried my best to be as spiritual as possible, but I was also feeling very hurt and bitter. FB ... lol ... I kept on going to his page and her page. As of last week he still had our pics from over the years posted on his page. I decided to deactivate my FB account so I would not go there again. He is no longer a contact on my phone and email. I no longer go to the church where he goes to, and I can pat myself on the back because I have been able to resist the temptation to call, text and email him. Going off of FB helped alot. He did text me the other day at work about a friend who died suddenly. We texted for about an hour, he asked me how I was. I told him fine ... of course him texting me gave false hopes that he's thinking about me ... lol Maybe he does think about me, and I think about him constantly. I know that it is over, but my heart still yearns for him. I know that my heart will eventually forget ... but no one can get over an 11-year relationship in a month. Bastard, he has that new gf. He did not even have the inconvenience of changing his FB status to "single" ... he went straight from me to her. It is also funny that, over the past 6 months or so, she began hanging out with us on a regular basis. I am thinking now that something has been going on with them for some time. That hurts, too. Hurts becasue it was totally under my nose. I know that in many ways I had to coming karmically because I broke his marriage up I learned my lesson ... ugh .... what a fool I was. That is my story. Sorry for the book! lol I know I will be okay but I still miss him horribly. I have lost about 20 lbs since the breakup because for a while my appetite went kaput. I am wearing jeans and slacks that I have not been able to get into for the past few years. That is one good thing about it, I guess! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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