He is very insecure about his rebound... what should I do? Help!

[Aru]

Please, first of all read my story (signature).

 

Long story made short. 7 year LDR. I dumped him, went on rebound, I realised I wanted to be with him, he didn't want to anymore and is now on a rebound. So I'm the dumper and dumpee at the same time.

 

He is very insecure about his rebound, he says he wants to keep in contact with me because I am one of the most important persons in his life. He is afraid he won't stop comparing us, or that he will see in her what I gave to him. He said he would never forget me and loves me so much. He is afraid he'll regret it and lose me, but he needs to try because he doesn't want to reconcile with me, he feels he can't trust me anymore. He also told me that he owes her a try because she is in love with him and helped him when I broke up with him, that she is very nice with him and has been very patient.

 

I told him I was very happy for him, and I wished he was really happy. I made him promise he would be happy. He couldn't promise it, he said he would try, but he wasn't happy... he thought she was a great girl and he could fall in love with her with time, he really liked her but that was all. I told him I didn't want to be in a relationship with him anymore (so that he didn't feel guilty or bad), he said he didn't believe me. I asked him not to contact me until I was prepared. It could be months, years, or never... he was so sad. He asked me if he missed me a lot he could call me to hear my voice. I said no. He told me he was convinced I would move on before Christmas and he would like to see me then. I said no, I didn't want to see him. I repeated I wanted him to be happy and said goodbye.

 

What do you think about it? I really want him back... what should I do?

[EgoJoe]

Uh it's not your problem, plus: you dumped him and he "moved on" sorta. NC for perspective and to heal.

[Aru]

But do you think I stand any chance?

[Lenny70]

So, even though you want him back, you told him that you dont want a relationship with him, that he shouldnt phone you to hear your voice, that you dont want him to see you christmas, and you dont want to see him!

These are similar things my ex has said to me, im not in a rebound but i want her back... These comments would, and have made me give up on her!

It seems like your saying these things to help him move on, but... If you truly want him back, why do you say those things?

[sonypirates]

You're sending him mixed messages. If you want him back then tell him specifically/exactly what you want. You're the dumper in this case.

 

You do not get someone back who you dumped by convincing them you made the right decision ("I don't want to be in a relationship with you, don't contact me, you'll be happy in a relationship w/o me"). All that would really do to me is make me want to do NC and wait for you to contact me while you get your head straight on what you want. In what you told him you without a doubt show you don't want a relationship with him or even anything to do with him, but you want him to try to pursue you when you dumped him? That would only happen through manipulation (push/pull factor) but it will only complicate reconciliation based on how it was done.

 

Right now all you're doing is screwing with his head which is the opposite of making him happy, you're just making things so much worse for him.

 

If you're absolutely certain you want to work on things you need to tell him. Please only do this after you're for sure in your desires. I might go so far as to say you said those things because you attempting to get him back somehow. He has trust issues with you - show you've changed and be straight up with him. The mixed messages have got to stop though. He says he feels he can't trust you and why should he if you send mixed messages? I know if I had trust issues with someone and they kept sending me mixed messages that would only worsen my trust issues.

 

I briefly read your first story just now and in that post it seems like he was still upset at you and attempting to be vindictive. He now seems to have moved past the anger stage.

 

My advice since you're the dumper: Set aside your pride/dignity and tell him straight up what's been going on and what you want. Get it all out. You dumped him and he deserves to know how you feel. Be specific. After that go NC and wait for him to contact you. Since he's in a relationship and she's technically a rebound it might help to read this thread. . Had to add that you need to take the steps I previously said before taking the advice from the thread I posted. He needs to know how you feel and what you want and have no confusion about it all before you go NC.

[catfeeder]

What can possibly be gained by keeping yourself tied to a LDR?

 

With millions of people in the world, why not give yourself the chance to heal and the opportunity to operate freely and find someone with whom you can experience an actual loving and CLOSE relationship?

[Eocsor]

You're trying to accomplish two different things here. On the one hand you want him back but on the other hand you are pushing him away in order to try and heal. You can't have it both ways. You owe it to him to either be totally in or totally out of his life right now. All you are accomlishing right now is screwing up both of you. You need to get off the fence with your intentions.

[Aru]

I will call him on Wednesday and tell him the truth. What I want and what I need. Then say goodbye and back to NC.

 

I just don't know how...