Confused and I really need an outside opinion...

[jcorn88]

So long story short, we were together for 2 and a half years (engaged even) and I got too comfortable. I had that expectation that every day when I'd come home she'd be there. We had a friend living with us though, one who we basically had to parent because he wouldn't clean his messes, had to get rides to work all the time, and generally made no contributions to the household. I realize that it put a strain on our relationship in that it caused us to not be able to spend time together because he worked late shifts. With all of the money issues because of that, the house not staying clean (I stopped doing my part too, I'll admit), and the overall stress factor of her having to deal with the house, school and work, she ended up leaving. Basically, I screwed up the best thing to ever happen to me.

 

Over the course of the past several months, its been a long and strange journey. Things that I needed to change about myself are still applicable whether she is here or not. I realize that now. I still have to change, regardless of the situation.

 

We were cool at first. We would talk occasionally, just catching up and being friendly. We worked at the same place so its not like I could have avoided it. A few weeks passed and I found out that she had started into another relationship. I never brought up anything that had happened. I never questioned her about getting back together. Our boss at the job was a friend to both of us. She (our boss) told me that after meeting this guy that she knew that it wouldn't work out. Several people have gone out of their way to tell me the same thing, although I never asked. Everyone told me that it was just a rebound and not to worry about it.

 

A couple of weeks ago we had a falling out. Things were said that we both regret (more on that in a minute). It was ugly and I wish it never happened. I ended up getting transferred to another location. I had no choice in this matter, but it meant that I would hardly see her anymore.

 

This past week, after finally getting my friend out of my house, she started talking to me again. (I hate that I had to kick my friend out, but for me to change for the better I had to change my environment. I could no longer be around him, he was too much of an influence. I'm trying to get my life together and he is not.) Due to the nature of the business that we work for, our stores HAVE to stay in contact with each other to successfully operate. She started sending me messages and calling me, just to talk. Granted this was on the phone lines and messenger system between stores, no personal phones. A few short days later, she's calling me and texting me personally. I just wanted us to get along, so I really didn't have a problem with it. She said that she wants the same thing.

 

This past Sunday on my off-day, I went to her store just to help out a little bit. We ended up talking and hanging out for several hours. It happened again on Tuesday. This whole time she's been calling and texting me everyday. Tonight as I was closing the store, my old boss called me and said "Josh, before you say anything, just listen. You're about to hear something that is going to confuse the hell out of you, but don't freak out... she wants to talk to you." She ended up asking if I'd like to get dinner. We meet up, have dinner and go out for coffee. We spend roughly 3 hours just talking. She keeps hugging me and she hasn't made any mention of him. I've been told that she and her new boyfriend haven't been spending any time together at all.

 

What do I do in this situation? I still love her, but I don't tell her that. I try to not bring anything from the past up, as I don't want to make anything awkward. I'm extremely confused right now. I hate to sound cliche but do I wait it out and see what happens? I would, as childish as it may sound. I just need some opinions on this, yall.

 

 

 

Oh yeah, sorry about the wall of text.

[O-shen]

Kudos, i think you have done well.

 

You admit your part in the breakup, and furthermore are taking steps to better yourself.

And not to get her back, but for you, excellent work man.

I know if i was ever in your situation i wish i could stay as composed as you have been.

I would be either opting between waiting it out for a while and see what happens.....or............casually as possible ask what she thinks would make her happy or something to that extent. Asking that isnt confessing your love or even saying you want her back, its simply asking what would make her happy. Her answer may help you out ,without having to devuldge how ou feel just yet.

[Thorshammer]

If you feel you were slipping in growth, and you see it now, then more power to you. Getting rid of bad qualities is always an attractive quality. But, make sure this is warranted, I read your message and it seems she's stressed, and to top it off she gets into a relationship with someone else right after (you never put a time-frame on that so I am assuming). A good partner is a person who communicates, and doesnt associate stress in their life with the person they love. I can never take anyone serious if they jump into a new relationship after me, especially if I think they left me over "stress". And I certainly dont think its appropriate for her to take you out to diner if she has a boyfriend.

 

Otherwise, you are doing alright. Dont mention the relationship unless its something positive, talking about your friend or the issues will return the whole vibe back to negativity, dont change the mood, dont associate yourself with anything bad, even for a second. I would also start to date and not put your hopes up so much on her, she did leave you when you were together, anyone can bet she can just drop off attention to you now knowing there is no commitment now. If she really didnt like him, she would leave him, its that simple. Until this guy is out of the picture, focus on yourself, and better yourself, and date around like she did, because she had no problems looking for a replacement.

 

And if you guys get back together, always be busy, fun, and never put all your problems on the table (work, life, friends, etc.). Fix them, and move on. Adding to the stress of someone stressed, and they are not strong enough to stand by you, will just scare them off.