Confused feelings

[Nightingale93]

I've been dating my boyfriend for over a year now. We've had issues, like every relationship. There's been times before I've doubted if I wanted to stay with him. We've gone on two breaks in the past, first one lasted two days before I started missing him and the last one lasted less than a week.

 

I have an issue where I compare our relationship to what is considered "healthy" or "normal". We don't have sex that often, maybe twice a month. I have no libido, thanks mostly to birth control and stress of course. I feel like I'm too afraid to let myself be attached to him. He's a great guy and cares about me a lot so I don't understand why I feel so down about our relationship. *

 

Also, when I see my friends' relationships end I feel like I want to end mine. Why? I don't understand. We get along great, I enjoy his company. I have myself so strung out on this ideal "normal" relationship crap it's like I'm talking myself out of wanting to be with him. When I see these couples talk about how much they love each other all the time and they kiss all the time it makes me feel like crap. We aren't all over each other anymore, and I don't have much desire to kiss and have sex all the time in general. *

 

This all started after I was put on birth control. I've gained weight, lost my libido, and just haven't been happy due to these things which has made me think negatively about myself and my relationship. I told him one day I don't feel sexy anymore. They have me on a higher dosed birth control. We've spiced stuff up in bed recently, but one problem I have too is I've never orgasmed with anyone during sex, which makes me feel inadequate. I don't know how to from the inside, only the outside.

 

These are such confusing feelings to feel. Maybe it's depression or anxiety, both which I've always had issues with. But I don't want to hurt him and possibly lose the best thing that walked into my life. We spend a lot of time together, and he's the only person I ever hang out with. Maybe we need space, time to miss each other? Any insight on what may be going on? I can't seem to put my feelings together.

[pl3asehelp]

Birth control pills are pure evil in my experience. Sure, you won't get pregnant, but your libido is dead so you won't be having sex anyway. Have you tried or would you consider trying an non hormonal IUD or diaphragm? Putting hormones into your body is going to mess with you physically and psychologically.

[Nightingale93]

I have just recently thought about getting an IUD. I started out on a low dose birth control but had breakthrough bleeding so had to change. I'm planning on going in soon and seeing if I should try to find a lower dose that won't give me breakthrough bleeding and if that fails just get an IUD. Before birth control I had a high libido and now I barely ever even masturbate so I assume it's not my partner. I feel like without wanting sex in my relationship it's causing a strain on my end. I'm the type of person who needs sexual excitement along with strong companionship. If one of those two things are missing, I feel lost.