7 Years Together - I made a mistake - Got Back - She left me

[JamesJamz]

We had been together 7 years, and lived together for 6 of thoese years. We first started dating at college, and things kicked off, a few later (5-6) months I went abroad for xmas, everything was going well, we emailed each other everyday, until just before new year, the emails stopped, I talked to her brother, and he told me she was with some other lad - I soon found out they slept together on new year night. I got so wound up, I made myself sick, I couldn't do anything about it, I was miles away. She stopped talking to me, wouldnt reply, so I gave up, got over it, by this time it was near the end of Jan, and I threw an 18th birthday party, invited her, and lets say we kicked it off again, and we were happily dating for 6 and a half years.

 

Till a couple of months ago, I made the stupid mistake of thinking I didnt love her any more, I had just finished uni, had a part time job, but didnt have the "student life style experience" - so i ended up going out down the pub nearly every night, she worked, so didnt really want to come out - this happened for just over a week, and i soon get the text saying "we need to talk" i come back to the house, she is sat there crying on the sofa, i talk to her, she asks "whats going on" i burst out and said i didnt think i loved her any more. She then packed her stuff and left.

 

So, about a month later, i realised what i had lost, another girl got involved with me, but i ended up going back to my ex. I told my ex everything what happened, she told me about this other guy she slept with, and i thought we had worked it all out, we were both happy again, doing things together, going places.... until a couple of weeks ago.... She started being distant, things were going really bad for me at the time too.... didnt get the job i was hoping for, but started a full time job else where, ended up bumping my car, and then the car failed its MOT (had to falk out a load of money for that - money I was going to spend on an engagement ring for her, cos I knew she was the one, and wanted to marry her)

 

She started going out, to her cousins (where I knew this lad would be that she slept with before), but I trusted her. Next thing I know, its saturday and i get a txt from her "we need to talk" - so she comes back from her cousins picks me up and we drive to the local park and talk, she says things like "i dont think we're working" and "i want to be single for a while" but i manage to talk her through, and we come home, have a bite to eat and then go to our friends house for a bit. Things went ok that night, she talked about things, but then said "i dont know" - the next morning, things didnt go too well... she started saying "i dont feel anything anymore" while i was trying to have a bit. I started talking to her, and she soon changed her mind and things went alright the rest of the day.... Until the Monday, im on the way back from work, and I get a txt message saying "its over - im leaving you" i rush back home, shes on the bed crying her eyes out, I tried to talk to her again, but it didnt work this time, i asked her to look at the picture we had on the side of us together, and asked her "tell me you dont love me" and she said "I dont love you" - at this point i stormed out the house before i did something stupid - by the time i get back she had gone.... again....

 

So, she doenst really talk to me over the next week, i sent her messages saying how much i love her and how much i care and how much i want her back.... she txt me saying when can i come pick up the rest of my stuff, saying her cousin wants to use her clothes as she broke her ankle or something. I find out she's at her dads that night, so went round with some flowers, and a tshirt I had of her brothers, gave her brother the tshirt, and tried to give her the flowers, she started crying, her dad turns around to me and says "ive hurt her too much - just go", i told her dad that i was planning on marrying her, i ended up putting the flowers on the floor, getting in the car and coming home. By this point her dad had rang my mam, said they were coming to get the rest of her stuff, and told her everything i had said.

 

So i get back, my mam's waiting for me to walk through the door (i didnt realise what had happened) she says "shes coming to get the rest of the stuff, ive called your mate to come pick you up to get you out the house) - they turn up before my mate does, in just sat on the counter in the kitchen, she walks past me and doesnt even look at me.

 

And that was it, she didnt txt me much any more, just a txt saying "im not coming back, leave me alone" - stupid me starts with the messages again, saying how much i love her, that ive changed back to who i was....

 

The next thing i know (less then two weeks after we had broken up) - she updates her facebook with in a relationship with the guy she slept with when i made the mistake of breaking up with her. My heart sank to the floor, i made myself sick again, couldn't eat, couldn't do anything but think of her, and then think of them two together, that made me worse. He lives down the road from me, and i see OUR car parked outside his quite often

 

Fast forward to last week, yes i had been pestering her for a week with messages, and letters, i know im an idiot - just hope ive not pushed her away too much - my mate rings me and tells me she spoke to him, saying that i dont listen to her, and to stop sending messages, its over. I log into facebook, and see she blocked me from seeing her at all.

 

So the other day, i sent her a bye message - and im going to let her get on with it, and try the no contact rule, as this is the last thing i can try. I'm hoping she's in a rebound relationship, all I want is her back, cos I knew she was the one, and I love her to bits. Just finding all this so hard.

 

I log back into facebook last night, and see she un-blocked me on Facebook - trying to figure out what she is doing, she spying on me (only been posting happy things at the moment to look like im getting on with things, going out and what not - which im trying to do, but miss her so much.

 

So im pretty stuck at the moment, not contacted her in a few days, trying my hardest to stop myself from saying things that pop into my head that remind me of the good times we had together, and I keep thinking i should send her the messages to remind her of the good times.

 

Is she even thinking about me at all? I went on a date last night, and it kinda ended badly as i started talking about the ex to her..... DOH

 

- Sorry for the essay

[Eocsor]

Well firstly, don't date right now. You are no where near ready for that. It will just end badly.

 

Secondly, leave her alone for now. Give her all the space in the world. Do not contact her. Give her a chance to miss you and work on yourself.

 

Third, do not FaceBook stalk her. It will only end up hurting you.

 

If you keep getting in her face it will only make it worse. Leave her alone. Period.

She knows how you feel and all any continued contact will do is push her farther away. If she wants to, she knows where to find you. Work on yourself with the idea that she may never come back. All you can do is be the best you possible and make yourself happy without her in the picture.

 

If in the future an opportunity presents itself and you want to give it a go, do so. But for now it's over so leave it alone.

[YesIAmConfused]

There is so much history now between you, and the fact that she is now dating the guy she slept with before .... well, are you sure you could live with that fact even if you did get another chance to be with her?

 

Seems to me that you are grieving for her, and because of this you are failing to see the reality of the situation. Might be worth projecting your thoughts into the future and considering how the scenario would play out if you did get back together again. Can you imagine how you would feel knowing she had been with him again?

 

I agree with the previous person, and you should take some steps back and stop everything you have been doing.

[JamesJamz]

Im trying my hardest to stop myself from messaging her - but she's the only thing i feel is worth fighting for - we had so many plans a few weeks before all this happened, talked about getting married, having kids and getting a house together (we were actually looking for houses).

 

I have lost too many good things, and this is like the only thing i can fight for but dont know what to do or how to do it.

 

Yes i should give her space, and let her miss me - but i find it so hard

[imonlyhuman]

one way to do it is to remind yourself that even though it's hard to not give her space, if u try to contact her or manipulate how she might feel in anyway, you WILL push her away even further, and you might lose her forever. you don't want that. so back off. work on you. work on not being dependent on her for your happiness. work on your relationships with other people in your life, your family, your friends. change the focus of your life from her to everyone else, including you, but her. you will get through this, brother.

[JamesJamz]

Well out of the blue (i didnt send anything) i get a snotty voice message from her/her new man taking the piss outta me, reading out messages i had sent her and having a right good old laugh about it - Childish if you ask me, just put me right off her, and never felt happier about myself.

 

Just shows her true colours really, now see who she really is, and what she has really turned into - she was never like this with me, but was with her ex before me, and is now doing the same thing to me - thought she may have grown up in our 7 years together, but as they say a Leopard never changes its colours, but can just hide in the grass for a while before pouncing.

 

Anyone on here who's from england, this new fella is a "Tory Toft" - anyone who doesnt know, he's into horses, fox hunting and what not - having a laugh at some of the comments my mates have said - saying that "they will not last long - i know his type - he will get drunk and end up sleeping with someone else at a hunt ball" lol

 

Put a tenner down saying i bet that happens, and she comes crying back to me - in which case I will see how i feel, but looking back, i will probably tell her to jog on - think im better off with out her IMO - she has shown her true colours doing this to me, just used me as comfort and free living, then moved on to her new hobbie of horses and hunting

[imonlyhuman]

sounds like you're definitely better off without her. NC, move on. you'll be a happier man. im not from england, but cool to know knew sayings from other places. tory toft, we got a word for that where im from, douchebags.

[EgoJoe]

Wow, pathetic on her part. She was projecting and then she had the nerve to enlist your own Mother against you. Women will side with women initially, my Sister and Mother sided with my Ex initially when things were "going downhill" until they realized how absolutely ridiculous she was being.

 

Thats so pathetic of her to do that and she's obviously avoiding pain. Now...for the hard part. Realize this, she is hurting too. She's choosing the easy way out of it but it will not last. Now is the time for you to be a MAN and remind yourself of this. Take the high road. Not to her face but for yourself. It's rough but when you step outside of Ego games and defense mechanisms. A whole new world will open up for you and the bounty of a fulfilling life has more potential than that of a shallow materialistic existence.

 

Post here, you can PM me too if you want to rant in private. I promise you will heal and that your suffering will not last forever. Perspective and knowledge comes to those who wait. I searched rampantly for answers to the situation I was in and they were either not enough or incorrect. It was when I let go as was searching for information with regard to another problem I was having that I found answers to my own situation. Send out positive vibes and ask for guidance. All the best, brotha!

[JamesJamz]

Well where I am at the min - I managed a week of no contact pretty much - but here in England it was Bonfire Night went out with friends, but this whole night reminded me of her, for the last 7 years we had gone to bonfire night together to watch the fireworks and what not, and all my mates had their partners there, and there was just me on my own.... I kept looking around and seeing kids running around with Light Sabres and what not, and I just kept thinking to myself that I was ready for all that with her, and that we should have been there with a kid. I ended up sending her an email there and then, saying how I felt about her (missed her, loved her, and wanted everything with her) but I also told her I didnt need her, and im moving on into the future with my life (with or without her) and that it would be nice for her to be there to walk into the future along side me.

 

The night before, I had to go and buy a loads of new clothes, as my old wardrobe is now way too big for me. I walked into where I used to work, and the girls behind the till were amazed at how much weight I had lost, and said "you look good". - This cheered me up loads.

 

Just been keeping myself busy all week pretty much, so didn't have much time to think about her and what not. She still hasn't said a word to me for nearly 3 weeks or so, and they are coming up to nearly a month together. No one has heard from her lately so no one knows what she's up to.

 

Is she really hurting too? Cos she seems pretty heartless to me, and some of my friends say im an idiot for wanting her back, but I knew she was the one, which is why I want her back.... But would have to work on the trust issue first if that point ever comes along.

[Ms Darcy]

It's actually best that she not communicate with you. You were/are clearly hurting and all over the place. You don't need more confusion.

[JamesJamz]

Just find it hard, we talked every day for 7 years none stop- then one day she stops.... We were part of each others lives, told each other everything that was going on (i probably told her too much in the end - which I feel pushed her away maybe)

 

One thing that keeps playing on my mind.... the week before her car insurance was due, she added me to it for the year, but then she also got stuff delivered to his house (some new shoes).... Why would she insure me on the car, but also think that she's going to finish me anyway :S

 

So many questions and no answers about what went on, think thats why im stuck, if she gave me answers I would know what to do, but then I think does she even know what she wants?

 

I remember when I finished her, she said "maybe we should both see someone else for a little while" - i remember saying "i dunno" cos I didnt knw what I wanted at this point in time, we took a break, and I found myself again, and knew what I wanted, which is why im finding this all so hard, as I found out and knew I wanted to be with her, and she just did all this to me?

 

I keep thinking maybe she's now trying to find herself, and see if i am the one for her or not - I dunno....

[JamesJamz]

Send her a friendly ish message the other day:

 

 

 

Im going total NC now, there is nothing more I can say, and like I said, I'm moving on with or without her.

 

Didnt get a reply yet (and im not expecting to get a reply) I just feel im another number to her now, I always did the chasing in our relationship, and I just feel if I go total NC, she will just move on, and forget about me. She is doing exactly what she did to her other EX's, just ignore them, they go away, and she moves on - i kinda got her from a rebound relationship in the first place, but I was the longest BF she ever had for 7 years, but I feel she's not even thinking about me, and seems pretty heartless to me tbf.

 

So anyway, NC starts today, I've nothing else to try, and I would like her back, but im not waiting for ever, I dont need her, and im moving on without her just fine.