Do you believe in KNOWING someone is the ONE??

[CookieMonster8]

I have often heard from friends, family and others that they just KNEW when whoever they were with was the one. I was curious to see how many of you just KNEW the person you were with was IT for you. How did you know? What was it that was different from anyone else you had dated previously?

 

I'm really curious as to what you all think about this. I have not had the concrete, for sure, 100% positive feeling of knowing so I want to know how people just KNOW.

[OptomisticGirl]

Personally I believe we all have more than one soul mate, each person is 'the one' for that period in our life. Some of us are lucky to find 'The One' and that be the last one we ever have. For me I knew my husband was the one because I never questioned his actions or intentions (and I had a huge thing with trust due to a previous relationship) and just the way he made me feel. Safe, secure, loved, adored... everything.

[Stay_home]

I believed in that theory once, but not really so much anymore. I see it now more or less like a book with empty pages waiting to be written upon...

[Seraphim]

It has been that way for me, yes.

[camus154]

Read through the break up forums. Count how many times you see something along the lines of "and I know I'll never find someone like that again, they were the one..."

 

Call me crotchety, but at this point in my life I believe the success or failure of a given couple depends much less on any supposed gut feeling of uniqueness and much more on how they practically match up personality-wise. Maybe the ONE is that person who just matches you in all the right ways, and maybe that feeling is your instincts letting you know. Maybe you'll have super-kids with DNA so hearty that from it we will procure a cure for cancer.

 

Or maybe people are like the weather, fickle with a chance of showers. Ask a person whether they know their partner's the one. Don't like their answer? Just wait a few days, a few months, a few years.

[mhowe]

Yeah, sure --- except I've know it 3x!!

 

Seriously --- the moment I met my current bf, 8 yrs ago (and it was in passing), I knew. We did not start dating for another 6 yrs.

[lukeb]

I think it depends on the person, for me there has only been one whom I truly loved, but I have been in functional relationship since. Some fall in love at the drop of a hat, some never fall in love.

[Batya33]

I think that some people are lucky enough to "just know" and others "just know" about 4 times a year on average ;-). I think most people fall into a grayer area where they feel that they are with the right person and that feeling is a combination of head and heart. It's easier if you "just know" but I never liked the "smug married" comments to single people of "oh you'll just know when you're with the right person". It depends on so many things -your personality/makeup/temperament and luck and timing. In a way it feels like more of an accomplishment when choosing a person to spend your life with is based on both head and heart because then you know you thought it through and there is comfort in knowing that you went through that process as far as long term potential.

 

I do think there's an opposite extreme -if you're using your head mostly to decide whether someone is the right person and focusing heavily on pros/cons lists and interviewing/interrogating your friends, tailor, grandmother, coworkers and florist about whether you are with the right person, chances are you are not with the right person or at least you need more time to figure it out.

 

Did I "just know"? When we got back together there were definite times of magic, can't explain it, powerfully strong "just knowing" feelings and equally powerful feelings of a "peaceful" just knowing. What really blew me away though -I'd been sort of the "runaway bride" for many years but on my wedding day even though I had been nervous about logistics the night before (it was snowing, for one thing, and I needed to take a taxi to the wedding venue) I was calm and happy at the same time before the wedding -my sister and I spent the 15 minutes before the ceremony in a back room hanging and joking around (and not nervous joking around either) and during the ceremony - it was the most natural and magical feeling combined I'd ever felt in my life - I didn't think of it as "just knowing" at the time and I really don't think of it that way now because in a way that would almost trivialize it to label it with a cliche.

 

Hope that helps.

[velvette]

"just knowing" is a by-product of the crazy hormone-riddled state we call love. or even infatuation.

 

I don't think you can ever REALLY "just know", because life is so unpredictable! I can easily say I "just knew" with my SO, since me and him both have never dated anyone else, were instantly attracted to each other and clicked, and have been together for 5 years/about to get married next year, but we could've just as easily broken up over and found other (possibly better?!) people. even in the future, we may get divorced; nothing is final. so 'just knowing' is definitely just a feeling, because nobody ever 'knows'. there are just as many people who 'just knew' and are happily married 50+ years, as there are people who 'just knew' and broke up in less than a year. so hey, whatever.

 

as for your thread question, logically I don't believe anyone can KNOW someone is the ONE, but I can still believe I've met my one. because hey, we're all emotional creatures right? I can't help my crazy by-product hormones.

 

 

p.s.

not to say trivialize 'just knowing', though! I still think it's an important feeling, whether or not it's correct. in order to get married to someone, I think both parties should honestly believe it'll last forever, even if it's a silly unpredictable notion. however, you can't base a new relationship's potential on whether or not you 'just know'. because how fast you're willing to 'just know' depends on how cautious you are, how many failed relationships you've been in already, etc. though if you STILL don't 'know' after 1-2 years, it might missing something crucial...

[sidehop]

"just knowing" is a by-product of the crazy hormone-riddled state we call love. or even infatuation.

 

I don't think you can ever REALLY "just know", because life is so unpredictable!

 

Pretty much what I believe; and agree with OG that there's more than one. It could've been your ex, that other girl/guy you missed the connection, etc. And at the end of the day and long-term, it's how two people keep the relationship alive. No soulmate or 'the one' will guarantee anything but two people working hard and if not sometimes fighting to keep the relationship strong.

[Firiel]

I don't believe in "just knowing." When I first started dating my husband, I knew something was different than it was in my previous relationships, but that different something was just that we were very compatible for each other-- we got along great, had similar senses of humor, just loved hanging out. I could have felt that for any number of men, some of whom would not have been right for me in the long run.

 

I think a lot of times the "just know" factor is a product of revisionist history on the part of the person in the relationship. For instance, my mom was telling me how she "just knew" with my dad and how she never had any doubts about him... and I was sitting there thinking, "That's just great, but I remember you telling me how you almost broke up with him for another guy AND how you developed a crush on his friend while you were engaged. Doesn't sound like no doubts to me." I'm not saying that every case is this extreme, but I think when a relationship ends up lasting, you tend to forget those moments of doubt because they seem insignificant in the long run.

[Batya33]

Yes yes the revisionist history for sure. I also agree that it's knowing that you want to be with the person forever despite knowing on a practical level that humans are fallible, have flaws, relationships can change for the worse -anything can happen! It's when that feeling and that knowledge coexist relatively peacefully that a commitment has a great chance of working.

[little_buttercup]

My ex-boyfriend and I both believed that you could love and have a deep bond with more than one person. That said, when we met and started getting to know each other, we both knew the other was the "right person". We connected on so many levels, we were best friends, we considered each other "soul mates", and it simply felt right. Sadly our relationship didn't last. I haven't dated in a little over a year and a half, but I hope that one day, when the timing is right, I'll find and bond with a special someone.

[Batya33]

My ex-boyfriend and I both believed that you could love and have a deep bond with more than one person. That said, when we met and started getting to know each other, we both knew the other was the "right person". We connected on so many levels, we were best friends, we considered each other "soul mates", and it simply felt right. Sadly our relationship didn't last. I haven't dated in a little over a year and a half, but I hope that one day, when the timing is right, I'll find and bond with a special someone.

 

That is why I take the "just know" with a grain of salt - it could be a very deep and genuine feeling at the time but whether it signals long term potential is another thing entirely.

[CookieMonster8]

Agreed. Love all these responses. I gotta say it's not what I expected at all and am grateful to all of you for being so honest. Maybe a lot of people are scared of being honest of coming out and saying it this way.

 

Thanks so much!

[velvette]

my boyfriend is in the camp of "just knowing". I pointed out we almost broke up two years ago, TWICE, but he waved his hand and said those didn't count. "just passing moments of anger" lol =__=

[CookieMonster8]

That's good news for you "Velvette"

[velvette]

ah well, it's just a perfect example of revisionist-history-delusion in action! xD

[Fudgie]

I don't really believe in "just knowing". I don't know, it just seems hokey to me.

 

I've known my boyfriend for just over 6 years now, but we didn't start dating until recently.

 

I remember when we met in person years ago (we talked on IM everyday for a year, met through mutual friends) I remember being very nervous that the friendship wouldn't "work" offline. He was nervous and stiff. I was nervous and stiff. We ended up warming up fine and we each blew off our friends to hang out with each other for the whole day at the amusement park. I remember thinking he was good-looking but nothing like "OMG I'M ATTRACTED TO YOU." I didn't even really want to be with him...I just felt relaxed and at peace. At the time, he had a crush on this girl, who would later turn out and be a biotch to him, and I was getting over my first love. He told me that he thought I was attractive but didn't feel a desire to be with me, just had a feeling that we were going to be really good friends, which we were. We are both naturally cautious and it has taken years for us to get to the point where we are very trusting of each other. He is less trusting than I am.

 

I look at him now and I think I do see a very possible, viable future with him but I've never been one to feel the finality of "He's the one", with anyone though. I think there are many people out there who can make us happy. it's just about finding the best possible one to commit to and sticking with it.

[Capricorn3]

For my husband it was the case. He told me from the moment he met me, he "just knew". A whole lifetime later we're still together, so for him it held true, lol.

[MD Geist]

I used to believe it now its a joke when I hear someone say there's someone out there for me or ill get married someday. What a joke that term is. There's nobody out there for anyone. Your lucky if you have a boyfriend or girlfriend but it doesn't mean everyone will eventiually get one of their own.

[quirky]

Yes I don't think there's someone for everyone either.

This 'just knowing' feeling I have never experienced it. Things close to it maybe, with my ex I felt that I knew him since forever. But that's because we had similarities that I recognised in myself since I was young.

Another guy I thought was the one when I was 21 I dunno, he just felt familiar and he still does.

But recently I have started realising that this feeling is something else. It's a deep level of trust and ease. I haven't found it with a boyfriend but after recent discussions with a friend I know how it should feel like..if that makes sense.

[lady00]

A guy once told me he would "just know" when he met the one (that's what his parents told him)...and I wasn't it!

[tommytoxen]

I have often heard from friends, family and others that they just KNEW when whoever they were with was the one. I was curious to see how many of you just KNEW the person you were with was IT for you. How did you know? What was it that was different from anyone else you had dated previously?

 

I'm really curious as to what you all think about this. I have not had the concrete, for sure, 100% positive feeling of knowing so I want to know how people just KNOW.

 

Yep. When you find the 'one', you just 'know'. It's so cliché, but so true.

 

My one and I have just celebrated our one year anniversary, and are preparing our plans for handfasting and looking for suitable property to move in together so we can have a baby.

 

I was engaged before, but I was merely going through the motions with her. I didn't particularly love her, I was just content with her. Was better than being alone.

 

When I met my current fiancee, however, it was just different, an explosion went off in my brain and ever since then I've had tunnel vision. It's all about her, and a year later, I'm as faithful and inlove with her as I was that very first day I met her. She's my best friend, my lover, my confidante and my soulmate.

[dobbin]

i used to but not anymore.

 

i have only ever truly loved once, that is my ex. he made me want to be a better person. he was a my best friend. he was my confidante. he was my lover. i gave our relationship everything i had but now it's gone. no one will ever compare to him. we were each other's first everything.

 

i read that guys will only marry when they are ready to settle and it doesnt really matter who they settle with...whereas girls want to marry only those they love and will wait it out (for a reasonable time)...is this true?