Feeling Numb....

[O-shen]

I just dont know what to do really. I just keep saying to myself i need time and to wait it out. I have read so many post's on here that are simmilar, so i know i am not the only one to feel like this. I have had 2 weeks off work, and although i went on a trip for 1 week, ever since i have been home, i have barely left the house.

I just dont have the motivation. I cant be bothered socializing or talking on the phone, even to my family. Everyday i wake up, i just cant be bothered getting out of bed. I have simply lost my lust for life.

 

The worse thing is, things AREN'T that bad. I have a good job, which just yesterday i was informed i have been promoted to assistant manager, a good car, money in the bank, No debt whatsoever, I am healthy, fit and reasonable looking. Ever since my break up some months ago, life has been a rollercoaster, but has now settled into a dull ebb, which i know i have helped initiate.

 

I have smoked ciggarette's for 15yrs now, and since returning from my trip, i have quit cold turkey. I have bought patches, but havent needed them so far. I also bought a home gym, and even though i spend most time in bed just chilling, i make an effort to go out and push myself for at least an hour every day. So is not as though i have NO motivation, and have lost all hope, i guess i just feel like i am just doing what i have to do. Normally i would be impressed with some of my latest efforts, but i just dont care, i just do them without thinking.

 

I guess, summed up, I am still hurting over my ex and i know in my head i have mentally written off the rest of this year. A few weeks back i was going out and getting drunk as, and i soon realised, this wasn't going to fix my problems. I even managed to have a one nighter with someone 10 years younger than myself, who also messaged me after wanting to catch up again, but it was then that i realised i wasnt fixing myself, and politely blew her off.

 

I guess i'm not really asking anything, just venting. I said it well to a friend the other day, that when i am in a relationship - i do "chill" well. But when i am single, i am jumpy and agitated, and its hard just to take time out and just chill alone. I am doing it though, and i am gathering knowledge about myself and certain situations i have been through. I just wonder when i will be normal again, happy and laughing, and enjoying life, instead of just enduring it.

[mhowe]

It will happen soon enough buddy! Maybe part of the problem is 2 weeks off from work gave you too much time to think. And maybe your new promotion will get you more responsibility at work so you've got other stuff to focus on.

 

The gym in the basement (I have one too), no smoking --- all awesome. You are just in the "fake it til you make it" phase. I know it feels like going thru the motions, but as long as the motions are in a positive, forward direction.

 

There a saying: "Sometimes you pay the fiddler, and sometimes you dance for free" Right now, you're paying the fiddler, and not even getting to dance. Better days are coming!!!

[O-shen]

Cheers mhowe. I think your right with the fake it til you make it saying.

 

I guess i will just continue with the motions and sooner or later i will find myself smiling again without thinking.