Lonewing Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 What if a guy has had several casual sexual encounters in the past but is no longer interested in this….. approach.? I different past view doesn’t mean a difference in the present. It's a mindset, an attitude, and a habit. In otherwords, you don't just "turn it off" and decide to do something different because you just wake up one day and say "wow, I'd like to just have one girl for the rest of my life" after living the "Girls are like a box of chocolates" lifestyle. Link to comment
Angel_325 Posted October 28, 2011 Author Share Posted October 28, 2011 Shikashika, I understand your point and respect it, however, I disagree. Being a bit more on the conservative side, I do think that sex and values go hand in hand. Viewing sex as something outside of a committed, long term relationship means his values are too different from mine. You may not understand it because you have a different view, but to me having similar values/moral is very important because it can affect other things in the relationship down the line. I guess I am just more conservative than most people you will meet and therefore most people just don't understand me. It's not so much the number as their attitude towards sex. Those who view it as something very special and as a way to take the relationship to an even more significant level will have fewer partners, in general, than those who don't view it as something extremely special in a relationship. Link to comment
Lonewing Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 Since we're arguing the definition of promiscuousness, we'll just dig it up and see what it means in the first place... I believe the definition we're look at is number 3. Partner A: 03 Sex partners Partner B: 10 Sex partners Partner C: 46 Sex partners In this data sex, B is more promiscuous than A and C is more promiscuous than B. Now if we throw in the duration of the relationship, AKA how established the relationship was before sex occurred, we could incite the 4th definition. A casual partner, afterall, is a partner you didn't Plan on sleeping with, but did so anyway because it came along and you could and you did. No relationship involved. If you're having sex with your partners after the first date, then you are more promiscuous than the person who is having sex with their partner after the sixth date, but less promiscuous than the person who is having sex as the first date. If you're waiting to know the person for a month before having sex, you're again more promiscious than the person who waits three months, but less promiscuous than the person who waits three hours. I don't think there's any room for much debate about this - it's an empiracle definition, as objective as you can get. Now getting into the subjective...I'm 30 and this number still matters to me. It's not just an age thing. Age can dampen the meaning, for me, but it's still a limiting factor. You're 50 and you've had 45 partners? Ok, maybe not a bad thing, but I'm still wary. You're 18 and you've had 45 partners? Get the h*** away from me. They're called bad chocies - and I don't want a person in my life who routinely makes bad choices. Yes, I know, I'm choosing/judging/punishing someone for the choices they made in their past, and we shouldn't judge people based on their past behavior, but in all seriousness, it's all we really have to go on, now isn't it? And this decision we make, this will hypothetically be a person we will be in a relationship with for the rest of our lives, even if we don't stay married...so then I think it Does matter. What, we should go by your word? Right... Link to comment
Stay_home Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 It's not so much who you have sex with, but how you go about having sex and sharing the goods with others. And in my personal opinion, the woman who lives the life of a jazzebelle is just not my cup of my tea or my kind of woman. I haven't been with a lot of women (sexually) and there's a reason for that. I've dated a ton, but I haven't slept with very many of them. Just as Lonewing said, it's a lifestyle, just as it is for the promiscious woman who is giving the goods at the drop of a hat. Which is one of the main reasons that I don't ask this question anymore, I don't want to know the count. I just want to know that she's clean. Link to comment
Miss Firecracker Posted October 28, 2011 Share Posted October 28, 2011 I don't know how many partners my husband had. Young people do lots of things. I had quite a few partners in the years before I married. Has no bearing at all on my marriage. I have never even considered sleeping around since I took vows. Link to comment
tyr72 Posted October 29, 2011 Share Posted October 29, 2011 Yes, I know, I'm choosing/judging/punishing someone for the choices they made in their past, and we shouldn't judge people based on their past behavior, but in all seriousness, it's all we really have to go on, now isn't it? And this decision we make, this will hypothetically be a person we will be in a relationship with for the rest of our lives, even if we don't stay married...so then I think it Does matter. What, we should go by your word? Right... Maybe I'm misunderstanding what you're saying here, but I think you absolutely have to trust them at their word. One, because you don't really have a choice. If they really wanted to lie to you they would just tell you they slept with 1 person instead of 40. Two, if you start off the relationship believing that they can't be trusted, then you are setting everything up for failure - and why would you even consider dating someone you believe to be a liar? Link to comment
Unknown1607307972 Posted October 29, 2011 Share Posted October 29, 2011 I think I'd be put of being in a relationship with a guy with a huge number of previous sexual partners. Before anyone thinks I am really judgmental, it wouldn't necessarily be because I felt what he did was wrong. I think sex doesn't have to involve love and if people want to have casual sex then it's ok as long as they use protection and they are both clear that there's no strings attached. I however would feel uncomfortable being in a *relationship* with someone with so much previous experience as my number of partners is low, I've been in two long relationships and I am 22 so I haven't been with many people. I therefore would feel that he and I are not really on the same level when it comes to sexual experience. When I was a virgin I decided that the first person I slept with would also be a virgin so I knew I would be on equal grounds with him on my first time, and that's exactly how it panned out when I lost my virginity. Now I don't mind if a guy has been with a couple more people than me but if it's a very large number I would feel different. I know someone's past doesn't always mean anything but that's just the way I feel personally. Link to comment
Lonewing Posted October 29, 2011 Share Posted October 29, 2011 Maybe I'm misunderstanding what you're saying here, but I think you absolutely have to trust them at their word. One, because you don't really have a choice. If they really wanted to lie to you they would just tell you they slept with 1 person instead of 40. Two, if you start off the relationship believing that they can't be trusted, then you are setting everything up for failure - and why would you even consider dating someone you believe to be a liar? The only things worse than liars are thieves and murders. In otherwords, if they're starting a relaitnship off with a lie, it's already sunk. If they're lying to make themselves look better, well, sorry, but no amount of lying is going to change your spots/stripes/freckles. Your actions will begret your past far sooner than your words, or those words spoken by your friends - or past partners. Paths have funny ways of crossing... Link to comment
cameroon85 Posted October 29, 2011 Share Posted October 29, 2011 Sometimes sex doesnt involve emotions for a male, i've been with girls before just for fun when I was younger-purely physical Link to comment
Miss Firecracker Posted October 29, 2011 Share Posted October 29, 2011 Sometimes sex doesnt involve emotions for a male, i've been with girls before just for fun when I was younger-purely physical Girls are capable of experimenting same as guys. I went through a stage of that, after being hurt by someone. Link to comment
Beautifulugly Posted October 30, 2011 Share Posted October 30, 2011 My bf has a number over 80. Hes not proud of it but it is what it is. Its in his past what can I do? Ilovehim. Link to comment
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