11 months since break up! mine and my friends discussion on the ex

[diddums]

So next month it will be a year since my ex left me, its gone really quick to be honest. Although this has been one of the busiest years of my life so far which im very greatful for as well.

Anyway on with the point of this thread, so from my previous posts, I did quite a bit to try get her back(all the typical stupid things) and then just went NC from February.

Broke NC after 2 months as she contacted me, then went back to NC and havn't spoke to her since April/May. (check previous posts for more details of those few months)

 

I've been working on myself to become a better guy, having fun, seeing friends, got life on track doing the things I love and have time for. Yet as I have noted in previous posts, my ex contacts me every 2-4 weeks or sometimes every week. Just with a hi, or a question which she knows I can answer(but so can google) such as asking what the name of a author was for my favourite book(google gives the answer apparently she didnt trust it -__-) or my favourite which happened 2 months ago "why are you not talking to me, you doing this makes me regret that year I spent with you" yet for a week later to say hi and try act like she hadnt sent that message(every message sent via facebook).

 

So to my amazement she kept this up from April/May up till September! She then stopped, I thought she finally got the hint(even though I explained my reasons for NC) only for 2 months later (last week) to get her message me saying Hi again!

Now I told my friend about all of this, he listened to what I had to say and read the messages. His thoughts on it all was she is slightly in denial and her sending that angry message was just proof she still cares as well that she constantly keeps sending a message of some sort or a question to try get some reaction or reply from me. Like he said why would she care if im not talking if she dumped me and then went with another guy 2 month on wards. She gets jealous as well at the thought of me with another girl which is a clear sign to even me.

I dunno what to say about his thoughts and ideas I can see what he means but ive been working so much on fixing myself and I happy with myself now, yes I care about her still alot but she has a bf and I dont have to prove anything to her.

 

She is a odd girl but from what I worked for myself she hates being alone, always has always will. Her father died when she was 12 which I think has created this feeling of loneliness, as well she hates her self and blames herself for his death. Yet it wasnt anything of her fault that he died from a disease. The loss of a father and the only man she has probably ever trusted in her life gone I think creates the gap she trys to fill with a boyfriend that hopefully can become the man she trusts everything with.

Most past boyfriends left her after 2 months or so and caused huge amounts of distrust(she said to me after 4 months that she thought I would leave her after a 2-3 months like every other), I was her first love and became the figure she always came to or looked for in anything almost like the only man she trusted so much she trusted me with her dads belongings, she left me after once she started hanging around this guy(current bf) but said to me one evening, she always ends up thinking of me when she with is with him, she told one her friends she missed me, she got angry that i didnt wish her happy birthday. I think she has just had a case of GIGS as this guy is nothing like me more or less the opposite. But I can see the attraction in a new guy that lives closer, shows some interest in a few things she likes.(my ex wouldnt go out with this guy as long as I kept telling her how i felt as she didnt want to hurt me, she left me as well I believe as she didnt want to cheat on me, she told me she had times in past where guys came onto her at partys when I wasnt around and they came close but she always stopped herself because she thought of me) She tried to save what we have by leaving me before she made it worse by doing something stupid.

 

But like my friend said, if she really didnt care for me. Why message me every 2-4 weeks to say hi or question? why get jealous at other girls or the thought? why show anger towards me about our past and use it as some sort of tool to make me break NC, when she left me! Why generally try talking to me if the current bf is better?

Could she really be like a child that wants a new toy, trades her old one for it because she thinks it will be better, only to realise she was wrong?

Or is it human nature, wanting what we cant have?

 

Bit of a weird post but Im hugely into how people think and have found my ex to be a interesting subject, some people will say I may be getting my hopes up but to be honest im not at all fussed haha.

[DN]

There are some people who think they are starring in the movies of the life and everyone else is either a minor character or an adoring fan. She removed you as a minor character and now you are supposed to be an adoring fan who cannot live his life without his idol. But you aren't fulfilling your new role properly - so she is giving you a hint every now and then, hoping that you will become the fan - or even a new minor character "the ex-boyfriend that she unselfishly cares about and to whom she throws a bone just so he won't pine away from unrequited love.

[diddums]

A lovely way to put it