Can't get over ex wife - suggestions?

[Rflook]

Hi,

 

Posting here as not really sure what else to do. Two years ago my wife and I split, we had been together as a couple for six years, got married and six months later I found out she cheated on me a few months into the marriage. I kicked her out of the flat we were in at the time, she went to her folks, we went to counselling, she never moved back in and finally she called it a day as she said that she didn't think it was fair on me if I was with her.

 

Anyhow, cue crying, drinking lots, taking drugs for a short while and giving consideration to suicide. Managed to get though it though had to go on meds and still broke down badly from time to time. Anyway about six months after this happened I started dating a girl (still am), and two months after that my ex wanted to know if we could try again. At the time I told her no, I didn't want to run the risk of going through the hell I had just been through all over again and I wanted to see where this new relationship was going to go. Don't get me wrong that was not an easy decision to make and it still haunts me to an extent.

 

Ok so now Im in a better place emotionally, financially and health wise. Basically I should be happy right? Problem is at least once a week I think about my ex, it's not even a conscious thought, it will often just spring up at me. It's a hard feeling to describe, like an emptiness in my stomach which makes me want to cry - though I haven't done that for over a year now. I'm not sure if I miss her or I miss what we could have been, it sounds cheesy but all of our friends I have spoken to (and believe me I have spoken to them all in depth), all said they never saw it coming and we were perfect for each other. Don't get me wrong we had arguments and our lives were not perfect, but for the most we were happy until something went wrong and instead of communicating it all blew up.

 

So here is the question, how do you finally move on and let go of that 'thing' which is stopping you from going from 99% to 100% over the break up?

 

Grateful for any advice/suggestions

[camus154]

By letting it go. The next time thoughts of your ex pop up, acknowledge them for what they are and then move on (mentally speaking).

 

Who cares why she pops up once a week? That's not terribly often, really. Treat it like an urge for a cigarette if you quit smoking--don't dwell on it and your thoughts will eventually drift elsewhere.

[Mesemene]

You're going to miss the relationship you wanted with her long after you've stopped missing "her." It's normal enough. You had a dream, a goal, and she shattered it. Even after getting past the realization that she can't offer you what you need, it still hurts missing what you thought you had, what you saw in your relationship, and how it was destroyed.

 

The pangs of shattered dreams can pop up from time to time even years later - acknowledge them, say goodbye to them, and keep moving along.

[GotMyLifeBack]

You're going to miss the relationship you wanted with her long after you've stopped missing "her." It's normal enough. You had a dream, a goal, and she shattered it. Even after getting past the realization that she can't offer you what you need, it still hurts missing what you thought you had, what you saw in your relationship, and how it was destroyed.

 

The pangs of shattered dreams can pop up from time to time even years later - acknowledge them, say goodbye to them, and keep moving along.

 

I strongly agree with this.

 

Hey Rflook, just make sure you don't add to your struggles by punishing yourself for not getting over her as fast as you (or others) think you should. It works out differently for everyone. Getting over someone we deeply love is a wild ride and accepting the ebb and flow of your thoughts and feelings will be to your advantage.