Do we still stand a chance?..Really need advice

[lostforher]

I'm writing this thread because I'm really at a lost for what to do regarding my recent break up with my girlfriend. Any advice would be must appreciated...

 

We have been seriously dating for the past 4 months, 2 of which we were together every day and inseparable, then she moved 3 hours away for school so we decided that we couldn't be without each other and that we would make it work. Before we started dating we were friends for years, best friends for the past year. When I say friends I truly mean we loved and cared about one another as much as two friends could.. She was dating someone else during the majority of our friendship, but we always had a thing for each other and felt a deep closeness unlike anything I've ever felt before. Our relationship was what most would call perfect, we never fought and still maintained that level of friendship we had before we starting dating, which was very important to both of us.. We told each other things we have never said to anyone else before, and we fell deeply in love. We also already knew each other well and trusted each other without doubt.. When she moved things went on the same way for another month or so, I would go visit her any chance I got and vice versa. The times we spent in each others presence were absolutely amazing and we couldn't get enough of it. We missed each other every second we weren't together. Our problems began when I started worrying about how we were going to keep it together until I got the chance to move to where she was. I became insecure and lost the confidence that she really loved me as much as I loved her. Which in hindsight should've been obvious to me, but I couldn't handle the distance.. We started having little fights about things that would've never bothered us had we still lived in the same place, and I mainly started them. She became annoyed and aggravated and said I was smothering her and that we spent more time talking about our problems than we did conversing about real things. The times I went to visit her still remained perfect, we were still just as happy and close as we had ever been. But the times apart became not so happy anymore. She eventually said that dating me "wasn't what she thought it'd be" and broke up with me. This came 3 days after I spent an entire week with her during which we still continued to be happy... She told me how in love she was with me and how she never only feels right when I'm there. So needless to say, I was confused when she ended it... I tried to reason with her and then eventually begged her to give us another shot because I'm so in love with her and truly believe we could be something worthwhile. In retrospect I shouldnt have reacted to the breakup that way but I wasn;t thinking clearly..I know she still loves me and still has feelings for me even though she won't admit it, we were just too close and needed each other too badly for it not to matter now.

 

So my question is this, what do I do now? Is there any hope of getting her back into my life? I'm prepared to do whatever it takes..

[Angler]

Sorry to hear you're hurting.

 

So when the break up happened you did the begging and pleading, and expressed your love and desire to get back together - that's a normal reaction, but hopefully you didn't do it too much, and you're not still doing it.

 

So my question is this, what do I do now? Is there any hope of getting her back into my life? I'm prepared to do whatever it takes..

 

There's something you can do, and it's going to take a ton of effort, but if you're prepared to do whatever it takes....

 

Do absolutely nothing.

 

It's so hard to do, and takes much more effort than any type of "winning her back" actions might, but right now it's the best thing you can do.

[lostforher]

This has been the main thing that I've heard can work for me.. Let me ask you this..

 

So we broke up on Thursday night of last week, over the phone because she was away.. So I did the begging and pleading thing for a while that night, and then tried more reasoning and asking her what exactly happened to us the day after, getting less and less emotional about it as time went on. So she came into town for a friend's baby shower on Saturday and I asked her to please meet me for coffee to break it off for real, face to face. She said she would but not to think anything will change, because it wouldn't. So I did my best to remain cool and collected as we had our coffee, we of course talked about it more and I further asked her why we couldn't work it out and she didn't want to talk about it anymore. She said she still loved me, but wasn't sure if she was still in love. Before our meeting was over she jumped into my lap, gave me a long hug and kissed me on the neck.. and didn't seem uncomfortable about doing so.. So after she left I went home, ended our relationship on facebook, and proceeded with no contact. Two nights later I get a fb message from her asking if I was there, luckily I wasn't. So the next afternoon I get a text from her asking how I was, and in a moment of weakness responded. We went back and forth a few times, she eventually asked if we were still going to be friends..this gave me a sign that she missed me so I tried again. I told her I thought about it alot and that I know what I should do differently, and that she cant deny what we had. This time it was with a lot more confidence but I know I shouldn't have brought it up again.. I couldn't help myself. She shut me down again saying thats not what she wants anymore.... So any insight on her texting me so soon? maybe the coffee shop thing? and is there still time for No contact to work, or did I ruin it already?

[antigen]

She made it clear that she only wants to be friends yet you refuse to accept that and you seem to think that you ruined the one chance you had and that by going no contact and staying there longer will somehow get her to change her mind and she'll jump back into your arms. I don't see anything in your story that leads me to think that is even remotely true.

[Angler]

It's been less than a week - still very early days...heck some people go on with the begging and pleading for weeks and months.

 

But you learned something right? You felt confident, brought it up, and got shot down. Don't bring it up again.

 

Try your best to dismiss the coffee shop hug and the "friends" text. Now's not a time to be friends. I am usually against being friends with an ex, but because of the timeline (good friends 6 years, involved 4 months) I'd say one day you could be friends again. But, fi she brings it up again, be strong, tell her you can't be friends right now.

[lostforher]

The fact that its been less than a week means I have more of a shot right? I forgot to mention that she has no real friends down where she moved and that I was pretty much her only outlet for anything at all. She relied on me for company and I'm the only person that she has in her life that legitimately cares about her. She really valued that... So i'm thinking that once she realizes that she has no one she'll begin to think about how great we used to be together and start to doubt her decision.. I guess its more wishful thinking but I just can't see her being able to get over me that easily..

[Angler]

The fact that its been less than a week means I have more of a shot right?

 

Not necessarily, it just means you've had less time to do the dumb instinctive stuff that will push her away.

[imonlyhuman]

NC dude. anything short of that will continue to push her away even more, been there. and no, you guys can't just be friends, if she asks, and she shouldn't contact you unless she'd like to reconcile. do what's best for you and your heart and ignore her.