marshallmog Posted October 26, 2011 Share Posted October 26, 2011 i have posted on here with another couple of threads regarding my BU.. but short of it.. BU 5 weeks ago ( kinda mutual) 1 week in and he is dating someone he met on dating site.. He likes her cause he has now deleted his profile and she hers.. its a LD relationship so he only gets to see her at weekends.. at first i was ok with our BU.. i thought like he did that with all the problems we had had that maybe it had come to a natural end.. we both agreed we loved each other but the spark had gone.. but i really couldnt understand how he could move on so quickly.. Last conversation with him was 2 weeks ago.. we spoke for about an hour... He said.. I know you want us to be together but its not gonna happen i have moved on and you need too as well... He said i will always be here for you... but then told me about this woman he was talking too ( actually he was seeing her).. So i decided NC and havent since had contact with him even though i had agreed to be friends.. Now this is my question.. we have broke up numerous times in our 7 year relationship but he has always wanted back.. but this time is different.. He is doing things he never done in our previous BU.. (unless i dont know about them).. and he is saying things he never would of said before like.. He wont ever want to get back with me... So its been NC now for 2 weeks.. yet sunday i got a txt from him and he had sent me a rude joke!!! i didnt reply and still NC.... but do you think all hope is lost in him ever wanting back again (because of his change in attitude and him seeing another woman)..Sorry to post again but i am having a really weak moment.. please reply x Link to comment
indea08 Posted October 26, 2011 Share Posted October 26, 2011 honey, live your own life. be happy as your own person. don't focus so much on what he's doing or you're going to feel like you have to compete to have a better/happier life than he's having. he's jumped into something so quickly, chances are it won't work out. and by that time, hopefully you'll be happy and strong enough to either ignore him when he says he misses you, or you've healed enough to allow a really, healthy second chance. Link to comment
Eocsor Posted October 26, 2011 Share Posted October 26, 2011 I think you have to respect this: "He said.. I know you want us to be together but its not gonna happen i have moved on and you need too as well... He said i will always be here for you... but then told me about this woman he was talking too ( actually he was seeing her)." Go on with your life and heal yourself. Who knows what the future will bring but treat it as if you are done for good. I was with a woman for 14 years in an on again off again relationship. Eventually it did end for good. Yoyo relationships just aren't healthy and they cause you enormous stress because of the uncertainty. treat it as a blessing in disguise and move on. Link to comment
loulou37 Posted October 26, 2011 Share Posted October 26, 2011 I tell you what, i would f him off!! what a total arsehole, sorry, to go out and find someone else after all them years with you... You need to move on from him, he has no bloody respect..you can't be his friend, friends don't sh@t on each other like that, they take each other's feeling in to consideration. loulou x Link to comment
marshallmog Posted October 26, 2011 Author Share Posted October 26, 2011 omg please give me much needed advice now please he has just messaged me on FB and said.. Hi.. hope your keeping well and looking after yaself with a kiss.. what the f should i do x Link to comment
loulou37 Posted October 26, 2011 Share Posted October 26, 2011 omg please give me much needed advice now please he has just messaged me on FB and said.. Hi.. hope your keeping well and looking after yaself with a kiss.. what the f should i do x dont bloody talk to him!! Link to comment
loulou37 Posted October 26, 2011 Share Posted October 26, 2011 omg please give me much needed advice now please he has just messaged me on FB and said.. Hi.. hope your keeping well and looking after yaself with a kiss.. what the f should i do x your not ready yet!! Link to comment
marshallmog Posted October 26, 2011 Author Share Posted October 26, 2011 i so want to reply.. yeah good ta hope you are too.... because i feel if i do nothing he wont contact me again... but i do know that if i do reply then im stroking his ego.. this is so so hard love ty for all your support.. x Link to comment
loulou37 Posted October 26, 2011 Share Posted October 26, 2011 i so want to reply.. yeah good ta hope you are too.... because i feel if i do nothing he wont contact me again... but i do know that if i do reply then im stroking his ego.. this is so so hard love ty for all your support.. x you need to let him see what life is without you, he'll just think you're always there for him. loulou x Link to comment
Mesemene Posted October 26, 2011 Share Posted October 26, 2011 Ignore it - and disable your FB profile if you aren't willing to block him. He's hunting in new pastures - so this is either 1) a way to see what you're up to, 2) checking because he feels guilty or 3) seeing if you're still on the back burner. You don't want to make him feel better. You don't want to be his convenient safety net. And you don't want to be panting at his feet, available for the taking if his current dating relationship doesn't work out. That leaves you with one option - cut him off. Trust me, if he decides he's REALLY had a change of heart, he won't rely on a silly FB message to get your attention. Don't pour salt in your wounds. Block him out, and go for a walk or run without your phone. Take yourself away from any temptation. Link to comment
loulou37 Posted October 26, 2011 Share Posted October 26, 2011 Ignore it - and disable your FB profile if you aren't willing to block him. He's hunting in new pastures - so this is either 1) a way to see what you're up to, 2) checking because he feels guilty or 3) seeing if you're still on the back burner. You don't want to make him feel better. You don't want to be his convenient safety net. And you don't want to be panting at his feet, available for the taking if his current dating relationship doesn't work out. That leaves you with one option - cut him off. Trust me, if he decides he's REALLY had a change of heart, he won't rely on a silly FB message to get your attention. Don't pour salt in your wounds. Block him out, and go for a walk or run without your phone. Take yourself away from any temptation. Listen to mesemene!!! she gives good advice!! Link to comment
loulou37 Posted October 26, 2011 Share Posted October 26, 2011 i so want to reply.. yeah good ta hope you are too.... because i feel if i do nothing he wont contact me again... but i do know that if i do reply then im stroking his ego.. this is so so hard love ty for all your support.. x Have you replied already? Link to comment
marshallmog Posted October 26, 2011 Author Share Posted October 26, 2011 ty messemee .. it will take all my strength to not message back cause as far as he is concerned we were supposed to be friends.. however having said that he knows how he has acted during the past 2 weeks.. not calling or texting like he normally does or come to see my son play football... so what should i expect if he does have a change of heart though.. Link to comment
loulou37 Posted October 26, 2011 Share Posted October 26, 2011 ty messemee .. it will take all my strength to not message back cause as far as he is concerned we were supposed to be friends.. however having said that he knows how he has acted during the past 2 weeks.. not calling or texting like he normally does or come to see my son play football... so what should i expect if he does have a change of heart though.. Well done! you don't need to be his fall back girl. loulou x Link to comment
marshallmog Posted October 26, 2011 Author Share Posted October 26, 2011 no hun i havent in a way im glad he done it on FB it doesnt seem to need such an immediate reply does it so that gives me a little time to gather strength.. funny thing is when we last spoke he said to me i have de activated my account i dont want to be on there anymore... Hes so thick really cause he hadnt he had only changed his password but he hasnt been on there at all during the last 2 weeks yet today he goes back on and leaves me a message.. that along with the txt on sunday... hmmmmm maybe things are not going so well with his new woman.. he would of seen her at the weekend and it was sunday he txt me.. can i just say thank god for this site i dont know what i would do without it.. x Link to comment
Mesemene Posted October 26, 2011 Share Posted October 26, 2011 He knows where you are - if he honestly has a change of heart, I'd expect something a lot less lukewarm than a "how are you" FB message. If he's sincere, you won't be left wondering - because he'll put himself in a position that leaves no doubt, and directly tell you he wants another shot. You don't want a breadcrumb that would put you in the position of begging for another chance. You NEED him to come to you with absolute certainty that it's for you, and not as a fallback plan, or to salve his conscience. Otherwise, you'll always question in your heart if it had been up to him, would he have ever cared enough to put himself out there for you. If he brings up the friends card - just tell him that since he's moving on with his life, you need space to get over the relationship before you'll be able to sincerely just want to be friends, and if he respects you, he'll give you what you need. Link to comment
marshallmog Posted October 26, 2011 Author Share Posted October 26, 2011 i love u messemee... ty your right... stupid thing is he has done all this to me before.. started off with the message he just sent me then.. i miss you.. then begging txts.. so why when i know this has all happened to me before does it always feel like the first time when it happens again.. and i feel so stupid for being weak and even thinking about wanting to be with him after all he has ever put me through... I love him.. thats the only excuse i have . We all want to feel like they care and they want u back.. yet i hate it when he makes contact but crave it too... it makes me feel mad.. I wish he would leave me the f alone x Link to comment
marshallmog Posted October 26, 2011 Author Share Posted October 26, 2011 why do you think he would make it clear to me though if he wanted another shot??? could it not be that he might think im not interested... Or is it in his make up that you are saying that that is what he would do.. Is it because he is the one holding the ball in the court..?? link removed Link to comment
Joanne19852010 Posted October 26, 2011 Share Posted October 26, 2011 When i was posting...someone told me my ex has all the control and i think the same apply's to you...by not answering you are taking some of the control back from him...he knows you will answer...the only time i would consider thinking about another chance if it's face to face and he gets on his knees and begs you. I'm struggling without my ex but about two weeks after we broke up...he said he was coming back whilst arguing with his new gf...and i just said great like a fool...he didn't come back...i wish i had said no because that would have given me some control and he would of realized he was loosing me. Link to comment
Mesemene Posted October 26, 2011 Share Posted October 26, 2011 why do you think he would make it clear to me though if he wanted another shot??? could it not be that he might think im not interested... Or is it in his make up that you are saying that that is what he would do.. Is it because he is the one holding the ball in the court..?? link removed Mainly because - while he might hope to save some pride by making you come to him - that's not a complete commitment from him emotionally - it would mean his pride still means more to him than you do. If he REALLY wants that shot enough, and really respects and loves you - nothing will stop him from saying "I screwed up - what can I do to make it up to you, and give us another chance?" Link to comment
Airbag Posted October 27, 2011 Share Posted October 27, 2011 Mainly because - while he might hope to save some pride by making you come to him - that's not a complete commitment from him emotionally - it would mean his pride still means more to him than you do. If he REALLY wants that shot enough, and really respects and loves you - nothing will stop him from saying "I screwed up - what can I do to make it up to you, and give us another chance?" Don't really agree with this. Some people are just too stubborn to admit they've made a mistake. They keep telling themselves that they made the right decision, but actually are just fooling themselves. This is especially true with young adults. Link to comment
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