Facebook Relationship Status -- Is this a Big Deal?

[littleL_RN]

Short backstory - Over the summer, my ex-boyfriend and I ended our relationship on amicable terms. As a result, I retained him as a friend on Facebook, along with a few of his relatives (sister, parents).

 

Not long after, I began dating again. Although I treaded carefully at first, resisting jumping into a new relationship so quickly, it just naturally progressed so that I had no interest in dating anyone else beside my guy. I'm crazy about him and have had no hesitation in introducing him to family, friends, etc.

 

When we had the "title" talk in recent weeks, we basically made it clear that we were exclusive. HOWEVER, he seems to be a little fixated on this Facebook status issue.

 

Still, I am a little weary of making that broadcasted 'In a Relationship' change on Facebook because I almost feel like it's throwing it in my ex-boyfriend's [and his family's] face. To me, it almost shouts, "Hey, I moved on! Ha-ha." This is especially true because my ex has had issues with depression, PTSD, etc. I always have felt that I had to walk on eggshells with his emotions, broken up or not.

 

Don't misunderstand me; I don't want my man to feel like a dirty little secret. I have no problem if he tags me at places, posts pictures of us together, put cutesy things on my wall, etc. That way, it could just be inferred that I am, in fact, dating him.

 

I'm just not sure I'm on board with the 'announcement' route right now. And I don't really know how to broach the subject with him. By no means does he bring it up unprovoked, but if we're talking about the subject, he'll say things like "I'd love the Facebook world to know that you're my girlfriend." And I feel that he's just waiting for me to say "Ok, let's put it up."

 

I know, this is such an immature thing to agonize about. But what are your thoughts?

[annie24]

well, seeing as how you and your boyfriend broke up about 4 months ago, i think it's more than reasonable to be dating someone new now - surely the ex and his family should understand that. i've never been asked to change my fb status, so i wouldn't know.

[Flyingpiglet]

I think it would be perfectly reasonable to change your facebook status, But if you're worried, you could always let the ex know you are going to do it in advance.

 

Its been a few months since you spilt up, you're entitled to move on!

 

But if you're not ready to anounce it over facebook... Then don't be presuured into it!

 

When I was on FB I didn't show my relationship status at all....

[OptomisticGirl]

I started dating my husband 3 months after my ex of 4 years broke up. He's never been a friend on facebook - he hated it when we were dating - but I'm still friends with his best friend. I'm sure it was a shocker when I changed it from single to in a relationship but hey, my life.

[laura40]

You are entitled to move on and it's your choice whether you change your status or not. I don't think you should be worried about your ex or his friends/family seeing it.

 

However, I don't get why people get so worked up over whether a relationship status is on Facebook. It's only a social networking site!! Sorry I don't mean any offence, I just honestly don't see why people get so worked up over it.

[PetiteGirl]

I think there's a privacy setting where you can select who can see your relationship status and who cannot.

[OptomisticGirl]

I think there's a privacy setting where you can select who can see your relationship status and who cannot.

 

Actually yes. Just like you can hide your family members now.

[Flyingpiglet]

I think there's a privacy setting where you can select who can see your relationship status and who cannot.

 

But why hide it... In this case, it shouldn't have to be a secret from anybody surely

[DN]

Why are you more concerned about your ex-boyfriend's feelings than your boyfriend's?

[littleL_RN]

You're right. I myself couldn't care less about the whole 'Facebook official' thing. You have people who make a mockery of relationships by constantly changing it to terms like 'It's complicated' and 'Widowed' (when they're obviously not), so I put little-to-no stock in social networking.

 

DN, I'm concerned about both guys for different reasons. I see my ex-boyfriend as something of a loose cannon emotionally because of his depression and I don't want to contribute to 'triggering' anything. And obviously, I care about reassuring my boyfriend that I'm fine with letting to our 400+ Facebook friends know we're together.

 

I guess I worry too much about stepping on toes.

[DN]

You're right. I myself couldn't care less about the whole 'Facebook official' thing. You have people who make a mockery of relationships by constantly changing it to terms like 'It's complicated' and 'Widowed' (when they're obviously not), so I put little-to-no stock in social networking.

 

DN, I'm concerned about both guys for different reasons. I see my ex-boyfriend as something of a loose cannon emotionally because of his depression and I don't want to contribute to 'triggering' anything. And obviously, I care about reassuring my boyfriend that I'm fine with letting to our 400+ Facebook friends know we're together.

 

I guess I worry too much about stepping on toes.

You need to set priorities. I think your current boyfriend is more important than your ex who needs to learn to deal with his own issues and he is not your responsibility.

[Day_Walker]

I dont think that changing your facebook relationship status is throwing the fact that you have a bf in your ex's face. The truth is that your ex is going to take the news how he is going to take it and you dont have any control over that, whether he founds out on facebook or hears it from some person.