Complex and Mixed signals... Help please!

[nafutbol]

I'll try to make this as short as possible.

 

My ex girlfriend broke up with me 3 months ago. She moved to a new city after college and I'm currently about to start a new job in a city nearby. Our plan was to move to the city she is currently living at, but I won't be able to find a job there until at least 6 months to a year. We dated for almost 2 years. She broke up saying we had different personalities, my attitude was the pr and she wasn't happy. I am 25 and she is 22. I was irritated the last few months because I thought that she was not maturing after college, and felt like she was still stuck living the college life. She began a new job but doesn't make any money because it is commission based and continues to live off of her father's allowance. So I said a lot of things that I shouldn't have when I was drunk. Such as, "your not a tall blonde model, you have to bring something to the table or you won't be able to have a relationship". I know that was wrong but the past is the past and I apologized.

 

I was really heartbroken and did all the things I shouldn't have done after the break up. She was my soulmate and I told her that. I would contact her and try to send her logical text messages on how both of our lives are changing and we can make it work once we begin our new careers. I sent her flowers and a teddy bear on our 2 year anniversary saying that this date still means a lot to me and I just want her to be happy. I talked to one of her friends and she said that she is just trying to get her feet underneath her and then will come back. I don't know if this was just a lie that was trying to make me feel better or not.

 

I was in her town and I asked to take her out to lunch. She said sure but just as friends. We had a great time. I became sick later that day and asked to spend the night and she said sure, if I had no other place to go. I had a talk with her saying how much she means to me and she said we're broken up and that I need to pursue other women. I asked if she was looking for anyone else and she said no but if it came along then she would take it. When I was leaving we kissed twice, but she just kind of pulled away and pecked me. For weeks later we continued to talk and she said that she will always love me and that right now we are just friends. She also said she needed space. I told her that this is a bump in the road and will only make us stronger. She then told me "I'm not there yet".

 

I would call her and just talk about normal things. We've had great talks. However I began to read online tips and decided to try these. Last week I called her and asked her if we were 100% over and if we were I was going to move somewhere far away. She said she didn't know what the future holds, and I should do what I think is best. When I asked her if she would know in a month or maybe 2. She said she didn't know. I told her I would give her space and would not be contacting her again. When she found someone else I would be giving her painting she gave to me back. She said she wanted me to keep it but I said I wouldn't be able to look at it. She said she would tell me when she found someone else. So I told her I would hold on to it for a few months, and see where we are.

 

We went no contact for 5 days. Yesterday she texted me asking how my weekend was and how my job search was going. This was the longest time of no contact we have done, only 5 days! I was short and nice with my conversation. I did not bring up the relationship. Now I am back to no contact and will only speak to her if she contacts me.

 

My plan is to do this strategy for another month. I think she feels like I will not be able to meet other women while I'm living at home, and this is the reason she is so interested with my job search. After a month I am going to ask her if I can come and see her. If she says no, then I will tell her to never contact me unless she is interested in giving it another shot. I will then ignore her "how was your weekend" texts, and be able to move on trying to meet other women when I move to another city.

 

My question is, what is going on here? What do I need to do? Is my strategy a good plan? Once I start getting over her she randomly texts me. I don't want to be friends with her. I want to have a mature relationship with her and told her when can make this work, and that every relationship has some rough times which will only make our feelings stronger. Please give me some advice!

[SpottiOtti]

I was irritated the last few months because I thought that she was not maturing after college, and felt like she was still stuck living the college life. She began a new job but doesn't make any money because it is commission based and continues to live off of her father's allowance. So I said a lot of things that I shouldn't have when I was drunk. Such as, "your not a tall blonde model, you have to bring something to the table or you won't be able to have a relationship".

 

You were not her father. You were her boyfriend. It was not your job to police her lifestyle. And that comment about her being a model may just be coming off wrong in print, but please don't ever say anything like that to a woman again. I realize you apologized, but that sort of stuff is really hard to get over. It brings up all sorts of doubts and insecurities in a person's mind.

 

It sounds like you didn't love her for who she was, she realized it, and she broke it off before you damaged her self-esteem. I'm sorry if this comes accross harsh, but that's just how I interpret your post.