Need REAL Advice! My bosses relationship with the young girl that works for me.

[somethingNew]

At work I'm an assistant manager in charge of around 50 people. The boss above me is our in-house manager who supervises over the entire building. Recently he has taken an interest in a 20 year old girl that works for me... he's 40. At first I blew it off as a "men will be men" thing, and also because he is married, so I figured it was just innocent flirting. Him hanging around her for no reason has been longer and longer, and you can tell she isn't crazy about it. Then came an event that our company was sponsoring, and he asked this girl to attend and to represent the company, along with another 20 year old girl from another department. Again, I gave him the respect, and the benefit of the doubt, and thought maybe it was just a good business move to have attractive girls at the event.

 

Then... came the facebook pictures. WOW. I wasn't required to go to the event, so I found out after the fact that these girls were dressed scantily and distastefully. I'm talking knee high boots, short skirts, tank tops, push-up bras, super unprofessional, not how we are allowed to dress at the office, at all! In fact, it directly violates the dress code. I'm in no way blaming the girls for dressing this way, I'm blaming their boss that allowed them to dress this way. We are not in an industry where "hooching" it up is necessary, so I found it, along with about 90% of the women I work with, jarring and uncomfortable.

 

Now here is the issue. I've had many women come up to me and complain about what happened leading up the the event, things they saw, the facebook pictures, etc etc. EVERYONE was buzzing about this issue, because it was such an obvious bad decision on my bosses part. Over the last week, my boss is increasingly parinoid, and I can already tell he's afraid someone is going to report him, and I can see him looking my way because I'm the most outspoken women in the building. In addition, he and his male allies have been pretty rude to me out of the blue. One even made a joke about me being old... and I'm only 30, and I look good. So this was just to with my head. This rude behavior directly started the day of the event. I've already reported my boss for sexism about 9 months ago, but nothing came of it on an HR level, in fact I question weather or not he somehow derailed this from making it to the home office, he's a very sketchy character. He's defiantly acting odd towards me, so if I would report him, he would know who it was.

 

In addition... you think he would leave this girl alone due to a mild scandal, but yet today, I walk into work... and he's hanging around her. So unprofessional, I can barely stand it.

 

What do I do? Let it blow over? Can I legally get fired for reporting something like this? I need advice. Thanks.

[Cadence44]

I don't know what country or state you're in so I can't comment on whether you can get fired. Some states in the U.S. have "at will" employment and you can be fired for any reason. Even if you're not in one of those areas, if you are a person who is viewed as bringing up problems too much, they may look at you as the problem. If so, they can watch your work and look for the smallest screw up as a valid reason to get rid of you.

 

Personally, I don't see why you should involve yourself in this and draw negative attention to yourself. Why would you put your job at risk by making it your business when this problem doesn't directly involve you? What rules is he breaking, exactly? Were the girls expected to abide by the dress code at an event or is the dress code for the office only? It's tasteless for sure, but what policies are being broken? You have to think in black and white about this because that's how HR will look at it.

 

If other people are witnessing this stuff too (and they are), then there is no need for you to put your job at risk (or get a reputation as a problem employee). If any action is taken about this, it should come from a group complaint.

[abitbroken]

What do I do? Let it blow over? Can I legally get fired for reporting something like this? I need advice. Thanks.

 

its tricky here. Unfortunately there is no law against tackiness. They were at an off site event. They are adults. And no one can control what they decide to wear. If they were merely wearing revealing clothing, they weren't really "doing" anything but if they were actively shaking their booty on the table that had a display for your company on it or acting inappropriately, they could get written up. The only loophole here is if your boss told them they had to dress like this or lose their job. If the event called for spokesmodels, he could have gone to an agency, but then he would have gotten two professional young women who would have pitched the product and would not create a conflict of interest in being selected over other coworkers. Is there a higher up that is a female that would be an ally you could get advice from? I think it would take someone with some firing power on this one. or it will take loss of clients to get them to act. If it does end up seeming that he is favoring these young ladies over employees that have more knowledge, been their longer and should be included in offsite events and the only reason he is taking them is for eye candy, then you definitely have a good point to bring up as well, and it is going to take a united front for that one.

 

I get the whole reason why sometimes you would want young women to talk to people at an event (but you qualify as that also), but having them show up not dressed in suits, etc, is something else if your industry is not in the beer/food/wine industry, muscle cars, pitches to colllege campuses or something where many young women are included in the marketing.

[somethingNew]

I live in a state where you can be fired for any reason. My biggest issue is with being treated rudely. I come to work, I do my job, YOU screw up, and I'm the one dealing with negative repercussions? This is the only way I'm directly involved.

[somethingNew]

its tricky here. Unfortunately there is no law against tackiness. They were at an off site event. They are adults. And no one can control what they decide to wear. If they were merely wearing revealing clothing, they weren't really "doing" anything but if they were actively shaking their booty on the table that had a display for your company on it or acting inappropriately, they could get written up. The only loophole here is if your boss told them they had to dress like this or lose their job. If the event called for spokesmodels, he could have gone to an agency, but then he would have gotten two professional young women who would have pitched the product and would not create a conflict of interest in being selected over other coworkers. Is there a higher up that is a female that would be an ally you could get advice from? I think it would take someone with some firing power on this one. or it will take loss of clients to get them to act. If it does end up seeming that he is favoring these young ladies over employees that have more knowledge, been their longer and should be included in offsite events and the only reason he is taking them is for eye candy, then you definitely have a good point to bring up as well, and it is going to take a united front for that one.

 

I get the whole reason why sometimes you would want young women to talk to people at an event (but you qualify as that also), but having them show up not dressed in suits, etc, is something else if your industry is not in the beer/food/wine industry, muscle cars, pitches to colllege campuses or something where many young women are included in the marketing.

 

No, he strategically chose these girls because he knew they would choose to dress that way in there everyday life. We have a lot of attractive women at work, but they are educated, and have self respect. In fact, the one girl is notoriously the "dumb one", which in itself, bothers me, because she's too naive to know she's being taken advantage of, or maybe I'm the naive one for thinking that. These girls will not get promoted, and my boss knows this. He couldn't care less about their work performance. Women are not valued where I work, and as far as having a "higher-up" woman to talk to, I'd have to go to my bosses boss, and he threatens people often about doing that. He hates not having the control, and in his position, he has all the hiring and firing power. There are HR females in my building, but they are oddly enough below me on the totem pole, and I would be putting their jobs in jeopardy as well.

[abitbroken]

If several other women of your same or lower ranked are bothered by this, why not take a different tactic and try to befriend and mentor these two young ladies? They could easily be convinced that no one else likes them and they decide only to listen to him rather than having peers to encourage them in their tangible job performance and in life.

[Ariel85]

I don't really get how this is your issue, honestly. Are you jealous of the young hotties? Because it kinda comes off that way. You seem to be a little too bothered by the attention he pays them, and I don't get how this has become your problem.

 

You've already reported your boss to HR for sexism (whatever that's supposed to mean), so how do you expect he, and others of his level, are going to view you? Not well. And you have to expect them to treat you rudely and curtly going forward. You're viewed as an outsider, and someone not to be trusted. You got your boss in trouble, and no matter what others will say, loyalty in the workplace counts above all else. Ratting him out did nothing positive for you, your career, nor for your environment, as you now see. And you even go so far as to say you would consider him reporting him again. For what, pray tell? For behavior you didn't witness at a company event you didn't attend?

 

I think your real problem in this office, is that you're the self-appointed mouthpiece, and that's never going to work out well. Being the most outspoken in the entire building isn't a moniker I'd want to wear. So, because of your current label and standing, I'd strongly advise you stay out of it, and do your best to de-escalate the situation, rather than continue to inflame things. If your boss and his peers are already giving you the stink eye, it's because if someone has said something, anonymously even, they are always going to assume it's you, given your history.

 

Truth? You seem like you're a bit of a militant radical whistler-blower with a big chip who's minding everyone elses business in the office, at least where your boss and his activities is concerned. I think considering you already have management keeping an eye on you, and you fear already for being fired, I'd worry more about making sure I flew under the radar, than spending time thinking of how to deal with the boss and his curricular actions.

[somethingNew]

As much as I love your lack of substance snarky response... it's again blaming me for something I wasn't even a part of. I'm simply on the sidelines, and I am not jealous of a 20 year old kid. In fact, I'm worried and care a lot about her. All the work I've put into being professional, creating a great team, and yes, trying to help her excel, has basically gone out the window. Now she's just some work * * * * * . Yay for professional males in the workplace.

 

I'm debating on what to do, I haven't done a thing.

 

What I previously reported him for was a legit, only about me, and he apologized to me profusely.

[sadchick83]

I would keep my nose out of it. And the fact that everyone is coming up to you and complaining = everyone is coming up to you and "gossiping."

Ive seen married men sleep with women in the hotel next door and charge it to the company. Men will be men. And, unless it happens in your presence, keep out of it. Don't be a sh1t disturber!

[Ariel85]

something I wasn't even a part of.

 

Yes, this is exactly the point, and I'm glad you can see it. Sorta. lol. This had nothing to do with you, so don't involve yourself. You're trying to make an issue out of something that happened somewhere you weren't. That's busybody activity. I'd focus on how you can better your own reputation in the workplace, because I see that as a stronger immediate need than the fate of a 20 year old hottie. If your boss and his colleagues are being rude to you, it's because of the heat you brought on yourself with the sexism charge to HR. Considering that went nowhere, it more makes the poo stick on you than him.

[somethingNew]

I would keep my nose out of it. And the fact that everyone is coming up to you and complaining = everyone is coming up to you and "gossiping."

Ive seen married men sleep with women in the hotel next door and charge it to the company. Men will be men. And, unless it happens in your presence, keep out of it. Don't be a sh1t disturber!

 

Gross, she is not sleeping with him. He's short, white, and has rosacea. Up until a week ago, I was really close to her, but I can tell he told her not to tell me anything.

 

I think the phrase is stirrer, but I may be wrong.

[sadchick83]

I had a boss hit on me, then 2 high up VP's told me they would give me a cab ride him, but took me to a strip joint. I was somewhat trapped. As soon as I got there, I called my sister and left. Anyway, I wasn't going to say anything, but they got all scared and fired me! Trust me, don't get involved!

[somethingNew]

Yes, this is exactly the point, and I'm glad you can see it. Sorta. lol. This had nothing to do with you, so don't involve yourself. You're trying to make an issue out of something that happened somewhere you weren't. That's busybody activity. I'd focus on how you can better your own reputation in the workplace, because I see that as a stronger immediate need than the fate of a 20 year old hottie. If your boss and his colleagues are being rude to you, it's because of the heat you brought on yourself with the sexism charge to HR. Considering that went nowhere, it more makes the poo stick on you than him.

 

So I already go to work, put a huge smile on my face, genuinely like people, and my job. What else can I do. I haven't been rude to the bosses, in fact, the day after the incident, I put a big smile on my face, walked into my bosses office, and sat down. Thinking, if he had ba11s, and had something to say, he'd say it. Instead he acted just as fake happy to see me as I did him. This girl, involved in the shuffle, works 2 desks away from me, was my right hand for awhile, and I'm not treating her any differently either.

 

My point is I'm already going above and beyond to keep my cool, and I've been doing a great job I will say. Maybe I gave the slight eye once or twice, as to be expected, but it's business as usual. I'm saying to everyone reading this... if this continues, and day after day he's creeping on this kid... (btw, both of her parents are dead, and she's from another country married to a guy that's OLD)... what would you do? Just sit back? It's not really about my job, I mean it is, but it's more about protecting her. Obviously, I've failed at that.

[somethingNew]

I had a boss hit on me, then 2 high up VP's told me they would give me a cab ride him, but took me to a strip joint. I was somewhat trapped. As soon as I got there, I called my sister and left. Anyway, I wasn't going to say anything, but they got all scared and fired me! Trust me, don't get involved!

 

 

Ahhhh... this is the worst thing you could have possibly told me!

[sadchick83]

I did end up up in a law suit that took 3.5 years to settle. I won, but it was expensive and very stressful. Don't think HR is on your side either. They are only there to protect the company, not individuals. In my case I did not have the option to keep my nose out of it. Oh yea, they called me names too like cougar--- which was ridiculous.

[Ariel85]

I'm saying to everyone reading this... if this continues, and day after day he's creeping on this kid... (btw, both of her parents are dead, and she's from another country married to a guy that's OLD)... what would you do? Just sit back? It's not really about my job, I mean it is, but it's more about protecting her. Obviously, I've failed at that.

 

Honestly, you do come off like you're a little too involved in everyone else's business. All of the sidebar comments on the boss, this girl, her husband...all lead me to believe you spend too much time gossiping and worrying about other people's backyards.

 

You don't need to protect her. You need to worry about your own longevity at the company. This is such a strange projection to me. I don't doubt you sincerely believe you see an issue, however, I also don't think you see that if your boss and his colleagues are being rude to you, and that this underling is now being cool to you (because you suspect your boss has reeled her in and instructed her not to talk to you), then you need to realize that you're very quickly becoming alienated in the workplace, and anything that says "non-team player" isn't good.

 

I love my neighbors - all really good people. But, we have one neighbor who does nothing but talk about everyone elses business. She's very good-natured, and tries to come off sincerely and caring, however, everyone deems her the block gossip with too much time on her hands. If you want something known - we know to tell her. Otherwise, we have no choice, since she watches everyone's home and who is coming and going. "Oh, Ariel, I saw your sister was over the other day. Is she still dating the cop?" "Oh, Ariel, I took your garbage bin in for the other night when I saw you got home late. Was everything OK? I figured something was going on when you didn't do it yourself." Yes, she's a good neighbor, but also a total PITA because she doesn't know when to stop.

 

Point is, it's not your job to "protect" this girl, because she doesn't need protecting. I still suggest you worry about your own career and how you being perceived and received, rather than the others dynamic.

[TheVP]

I've done a lot of out of town business events and what you are describing does not sound to be atypical for out of town business events. Typically, everyone that goes will go so with a lot of enthusiasm to do a great job at the event, but these events are exciting, so most everyone lets their hair down after hours.

 

You state " I'm in no way blaming the girls for dressing this way, I'm blaming their boss that allowed them to dress this way." In my opinion, that's putting a lot of blame on your boss. You'd be surprised how clueless we men often are about women's attire of what's considered acceptable and what's not. Even if I'm pretty certain what a female employee is wearing, I typically don't feel comfortable mentioning to them, so I'll ask a female superior to have a talk to them about it. I can't imagine many men telling younger women to go back to their hotel rooms to change what they are wearing because it is too trashy. If someone gets too wild (or too gossipy), I just usually see that they don't go to another out of town event.

 

By the way, if you are the assistant manager of 50 people, you'll might want to use a word other than "girl" when describing an employee. Believe me, I just got my chops busted last month for doing that!

[somethingNew]

It is gossip on this forum because I'm actually able to freely talk about it, which isn't the case in the office. Obviously, it's why I'm hashing this issue out on here and not with the girls at lunch, I know that would then be gossip.

 

Bottom line, my concern as her supervisor, is does she feel safe in her place of work, and my concern for my boss is weather or not his inappropriateness is going to get worse. If I didn't get the looks from her of, "Make this clown go away.", then I wouldn't care so much.

 

I'm going to do nothing. If she complains to me though, that would be a different story.

[somethingNew]

I did end up up in a law suit that took 3.5 years to settle. I won, but it was expensive and very stressful. Don't think HR is on your side either. They are only there to protect the company, not individuals. In my case I did not have the option to keep my nose out of it. Oh yea, they called me names too like cougar--- which was ridiculous.

 

This is the extreme, I get that, and thanks for sharing. Sometimes you have to put up a fight. It's not always about the easy way, but about the right way.

[Ariel85]

It is gossip on this forum because I'm actually able to freely talk about it, which isn't the case in the office. Obviously, it's why I'm hashing this issue out on here and not with the girls at lunch, I know that would then be gossip.

 

Bottom line, my concern as her supervisor, is does she feel safe in her place of work, and my concern for my boss is weather or not his inappropriateness is going to get worse. If I didn't get the looks from her of, "Make this clown go away.", then I wouldn't care so much.

 

I'm going to do nothing. If she complains to me though, that would be a different story.

 

Well, you said:

 

I've had many women come up to me and complain about what happened leading up the the event, things they saw, the facebook pictures, etc etc. EVERYONE was buzzing about this issue...I'm the most outspoken women in the building.

 

so, it sounded like there was quite a bit of work gossiping going on about it, and it sounded like you were at the nucleus of it all.

 

You can't police every business relationship, nor is it your place to. It's not your job to worry about his behavior and actions, nor her reaction to them.

 

I've seen SO much shady crap in corporate, it would make you gag. Unless you feel she is genuinely in danger, then the smart move is to keep your head down. You're already a bit on the bubble, so I would do your best to keep out of the limelight, and not get involved unless you feel she's truly in harm's way.

[DN]

Thread closed for flaming