Aj7000 Posted October 25, 2011 Share Posted October 25, 2011 I had a messy break up with my Ex, i tried for about a month to get her back, which didn't work it just pushed her away more. we never meet up just emails, texts, ect. during this time she said never wanted to see again and stuff to that effect. At the end of the month i gave up and i started NC, didn't tell her just need to do to heal as i was losing my mind it and its what she wanted but she normal would get back to me when i did message her!!! A month passed NC and she said emailed me unblocking me on FB and said she would get her bro to drop my stuff off, i said it would be good to see. she didn't think it would be a good idea. so i went with it and her Bro dropped the stuff off. Here is the thing the stuff she found for him to drop off was crap i didn't need, or knew i had but she didn't give him my watch. i asked her were it was she said she didn't have, i was cool and asked her to look. In the passed i would of gone mad if i lost this watch, its a Tag and worth £1K, but i played it cool and she did have it all alone. Then she said she wanted to meet me to give it back this is coming from sum one a month before said not to stop in the street if i saw them ! so i saw her today for 10 mins, she said she was in a rush so couldn't stay for a coffee. we talked about normal things, how the dogs, the holiday she booked, we hugged and said goodbye (she hates PMA went she hugged me, big deal) i feel like us meet was a test to see how i was or how i would react, i played it cool and i think i passed lol.. but now what, i still love her but im getting on with my life now she not in it. do i try and arrange seeing her again or just wait it out Link to comment
EgoJoe Posted October 25, 2011 Share Posted October 25, 2011 Do nothing. Don't pursue. The next time she contacts, come here before you respond. Link to comment
Aj7000 Posted October 25, 2011 Author Share Posted October 25, 2011 Can i ask why, also i know she has been keeping tabs on what I've been doing girls I've hanging out with... Link to comment
EgoJoe Posted October 25, 2011 Share Posted October 25, 2011 Because it's the best course of action. If she's been keeping tabs then try to stop that flow of information. More mystery, more nonchalance and more aloof. You still have alot of way to go with regard to attaining a grounded perspective to where you don't need advice. Come here first for a good dose of reality and a healthy dose of someone else's perspective. It's refreshing and you will feel empowered when she comes to you 100% on her own. She may not but it looks promising as far as contact. Read nothing else into it and continue working on yourself and seeing other women. Link to comment
abitbroken Posted October 25, 2011 Share Posted October 25, 2011 I think you have to decide what you really want. Do you want to get back with her, or do you agree that the break up was for the best? That would determine what you do next. It could be that she wasn't checking up on you but seeing if she could handle seeing you also without breaking down. Link to comment
Aj7000 Posted October 25, 2011 Author Share Posted October 25, 2011 i see you point, it does seem like she came in to my life almost when i had moved on, she was a bit of a wreck when i saw her.. had been party loads and you could tell it took it toll, on the other hand i'm been hitting the gym and i'm looking good.. i did tell her i missed her bad move ? Link to comment
EgoJoe Posted October 25, 2011 Share Posted October 25, 2011 That is kind of how it works. Soon as I don't think of my Ex and I am super positive to others etc....there she is to harp at me for attention which she won't get on her terms, ever. She'd be lucky to hear my voice. I agree with Abitbroken but would stress that you apply that to your approach when and if she contacts. Yes saying you miss her was a "bad" thing to a degree but you got a hug and no tell off. This is why it's important to refrain from contacting. She now knows you miss her and you're not pushing while you're also seeing others. You don't need her, she's not your only option but you still want her. This is good. Don't contact. She withheld the watch to see you for a reason. I'm sure you could gather a few possibilities as to why. Do not contact. This is not a game but it will seem like it. Just do you. She broke it off and a man doesn't pursue when he is not wanted or encouraged. You have not been encouraged and she may not know if she wants you. Continue healing, it's for the best no matter what. Link to comment
iBroken Posted October 25, 2011 Share Posted October 25, 2011 Dont see anything there that suggests shes wants to get back together or even hang again. She couldnt even stay to have a coffee? Dont be available for her games anymore. And move on...... Link to comment
Aj7000 Posted October 25, 2011 Author Share Posted October 25, 2011 what your saying makes 100% sense, the last month i have felt myself again, do i just go no contact again and hopes she gets in touch again.. TBH i really want her back and just feel like if i tell it might sort things out ! Link to comment
EgoJoe Posted October 26, 2011 Share Posted October 26, 2011 Dont see anything there that suggests shes wants to get back together or even hang again. She couldnt even stay to have a coffee? Dont be available for her games anymore. And move on...... Agree but I see a possibility for future contact which I think he can prepare for by simply moving on, dating other women and knowing he can come here to post before he responds or whatever. Link to comment
Aj7000 Posted October 26, 2011 Author Share Posted October 26, 2011 Ok, she couldn't stay for a coffee as she was in town for a work meeting as was just passing though, she did say could drop it off another time if i wanted! the break up was for the best things couldn't of gone how there were .. i do want to get back with her, but not straight away i would hang out before we started up again, as she hurt me a lot and i wouldn't want to jump back in to something again to fast, non do i think she would! she has said she wants to friends again. also i text her earlier, saying it was nice to see her and thanking her for dropping my stuff off she text back and I now left it.. sounds like i'm starting up a line of communication again ? Link to comment
mhowe Posted October 26, 2011 Share Posted October 26, 2011 did you ever get the watch? Because that see-through ploy (from her side -- keeping the most valuable thing) was nothing but a game to get together. You need to stop contacting her now. Link to comment
Aj7000 Posted October 26, 2011 Author Share Posted October 26, 2011 yeah, got the watch back yesterday when i saw her, i want to try and work things out with her, so going back to NC doesn't seem right now or am I missing something ? surely if she heard on to the watch to see me, its a good thing that she wanted to meet up ? Link to comment
mhowe Posted October 26, 2011 Share Posted October 26, 2011 No, it is all game playing. She sent your crap w/ her brother, but kept the most valuable item to return in person. She is feeding her own ego here. Read the threads about NC and stick to it. She needs to do much more then text in order to be given a chance back in the door. Don't settle for crumbs --- remember, she hurt you. Link to comment
Aj7000 Posted October 26, 2011 Author Share Posted October 26, 2011 So what your saying is just go back to NC again, it worked before for me to get over her.. i do think your right it's to rub own ego. i feel like sending an email saying how i feel and want i want and if she not going to play ball, to tell her stay away from me, as her games are doing my nut.. i was doing really well before she came back in my life, now she back in my thoughts again Link to comment
mhowe Posted October 26, 2011 Share Posted October 26, 2011 Nope --- you are trying to open a dialog. Don't. The best thing is to ignore her and get on with your life. With your nice watch. Link to comment
Aj7000 Posted October 26, 2011 Author Share Posted October 26, 2011 ok, I'll go back to how I was before we met yesterday, full NC and then when she gets in touch again, it will be buy a text... what should i do, come on this site for advice ? in my heart i want to work things out with her... but i know i can get on with my life, happier without her, going out on a date tonight Link to comment
mhowe Posted October 26, 2011 Share Posted October 26, 2011 No --- if she wants to see you, talk to you ---- you can decide or come here for advice. A text means nothing. Ignore it. Link to comment
Aj7000 Posted October 26, 2011 Author Share Posted October 26, 2011 ummm... she a "texter" she would send 1000's to me a month about her feeling and us ect ! this is something we have fights about...she got the ass with this time as i didn't reply to her texts. I'm sure i can work out the details, if we see each over again.... do you not think this stance is a bit hard and it might been she never comes back.. i hurt her too Link to comment
mhowe Posted October 26, 2011 Share Posted October 26, 2011 nope. She broke up with you. If she wants to talk about that, fine. You don't deal with it over texts. Ever. Part of your problem. You notice she came calling when you stop responding? Have fun on your date. There are plenty of fish in the sea! It is supposed to be fun, not a pain in the butt!!!! Link to comment
Aj7000 Posted October 26, 2011 Author Share Posted October 26, 2011 Yeah your right, i just need to go back to full NC I was pretty much over it, even tho i thought she was the "one" but i feel so much stronger as a person after a month of NC.. 6 weeks ago i would of been begging for her to meet me again, now i can just leave her alone and almost feel fine about the whole thing... funny thing is when i saw her she was a such a mess.. feels good that i've got my * * * * together again thanks Mhowe... you helped me be strong again when i was feeling weak Link to comment
mhowe Posted October 26, 2011 Share Posted October 26, 2011 no problem. And hey....you know how good you feel no? Just wait a few more weeks....time does have healing powers. Enjoy your date. Link to comment
EgoJoe Posted October 26, 2011 Share Posted October 26, 2011 Awesome! Mhowe is a wise Woman and giving you personal insight. Link to comment
Aj7000 Posted October 29, 2011 Author Share Posted October 29, 2011 Ok, so i text her today and basic found out she was seeing someone else, i don't know how i feel she made out she found the "one" i think she on the re-bound, but whatever i was really nice about the whole thing and wished her luck and said i glad she is happy. its pretty much left open i said i hope one day we can be friends again, dont know were to go from here... apart from this feels like this is the end... do think its funny she still need to see one more time to give me the watch back, but whatever all games. game over Link to comment
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