falling for a guy who only just broke up w his ex.

[sandrawg]

The guy I'm falling for has been off and on with this girl for 6 years. They've had an LDR the whole time, pretty much, and she is always blowing him off, not making time for him, etc. When I first met him, they had just broken up. I was visiting my family on the east coast (I lived in L.A. at the time), and met him at a party. When I got back to L.A., we started talking and Skypeing.

 

Things between him and i got really intense, really quickly. We had this crazy chemistry, and we could talk and chat/IM for hours at a time. We really enjoyed just talking to each other. I didn't think it would be a big deal that we were long distance because I was planning to move to the east coast to spend time with my dad, who is aging and sick. We discussed us dating once I moved back east. I even made plans to stay with him for a weekend at a hotel.

 

8 days after we met, he tells me he has this ex up in NY state (he lives in in Maryland), and that he needs to make sure things are over btwn the 2 of them before he starts something else. He went up there July 4th to be with her and came back saying they were together, but he was still talking to me for hours at a time--I felt this was giving me mixed signals.

 

I told him we should be just friends, since he was back with his ex. I have to say, even tho it had only been a little over a week, I was sad about all this.

 

I moved back east nearly 2 months ago. As soon as I moved here, he was broken up with her again, apparently because he had wanted to see her during her 4-day break and instead, she left town and visited friends. Blowing him off yet AGAIN.

 

So I knew he was single, but I was wary because of what happened last time. Still, he pursued me pretty heavily. We've been spending weekends together for about a month or so now, and some weeknights. We've slept together-we have amazing sex. He kept telling me it's not just about that, tho-that he likes me. I know he does because we were once again, chatting on IM all the time, talking on the phone...we have such a good time together...

 

He even introduced me to some of his friends..his boss...I met his dad, and his brother...

 

The thing is, tho--the stupid ex keeps cropping up. They are "friends" now, cough cough. She has some illness and has been relying on him to support her through it. He says she wants to still have sex with him, even tho they are broken up. And off and on, he'll talk about her affectionately.

 

The last straw for me was...ok, so, we haven't ever really gone on an official "date." So he makes a big deal about taking me out Fri night to a nice restaurant.

 

We're having a really good time, then he makes some remark like, "if my ex lived in this city, we'd be seeing each other. Although, I've probably blown it with her at this point."

 

That floored me. Why take me out on this nice date and make a big deal that we are now "dating", then drop this cr*p on me about his ex??

 

It took me a day or so to fully process how much his comment bothered me..then I told him, I need to distance myself from him. He needs to get closure with this ex. He was understanding. HE told me he wishes I could give him another chance once he gets to the point that he's done with her. I frankly don't know if he ever will be. He seems to like chasing after an unavailable person. I, on the other hand, do not.

 

I told him I can't promise I'll still be around when that happens. I think I'm too hurt to promise ANYTHING right now and I need to move on for now.

 

You guys don't need to tell me- I know. We jumped into this too soon after his break-up. The timing couldn't suck any harder.

 

Thing is, he has set a high bar for me to try to duplicate with any other guy. He's intelligent..he's GORGEOUS....we have amazing conversation and great sex. It ticks me off and upsets me, that he is still carrying a torch for this woman who won't give him the time of day, when I would give him the sun and the moon.

 

I feel like I'm going to be comparing every guy I meet to him. But I know it would be stupid for me to wait for him to get his act together.

 

What should I do? Just take a break from dating for a while?

[Eocsor]

First off you can't win the battle with his ex. He's got unresolved feelings for her and it sounds like he will keep running back to her if the opportunity presents itself for a long time to come.

 

If you need time to heal, take a break from dating and work on yourself. You don't want to do to someone else what he just did to you.

[sandrawg]

Thanks Eocsor. You're so right.

[chickydoodle]

Awful situation. I agree you can't win. You deserve better. If it is was me I would hope I could let it go. Seems like he kept quite a bit hidden from you regarding his depth of feelings for her - very bad sign!

[kate198]

Are you sleeping with him? Bc if you are thats mostly it. He's still in love with her and it's just gona suck for you. Run dont walk