GF pressuring me butI feel that I'm not ready for marriage

[timtam]

Hey all,

I've been with my girlfriend for 3 adn a half years. One year was long-distance. She has been talking about getting married since we met but lately she has been really putting the pressure on.Problem is though, I honestly have no desire to do it. Lately, it has been turning into fights.

I can't figure out if it is a fear of commitment or if there is a problem with the relationship....

 

I'm 27 and she is 32.

She wants to get married and have kids and become a housewife. It's not very appealing to me to be the sole bread winner.

 

What are your thoughts?

[DN]

If you are not ready then don't do it. And even if you do decide to get married do not agree to be the sole breadwinner unless you are fully prepared for all that entails while married and could entail in the event of a divorce.

[sidehop]

I agree with DN; your ideas are completely opposite of hers. I can probably understand where she's coming from considering she's at the age where such commitment and creating a family is more important; more often with women then men I'm sure.

 

But don't jump into marriage if it's not something you want for yourself let alone be the sole bread winner.

[lalalollipops]

You have different priorities right now. I'd seriously have a hard think about the future of this relationship if I were you.

[redtan]

That biological clock is ticking, I'm sure you can hear it from a mile away.

 

I would think long and hard about this too, as there must be reasons for this doubt in your mind.

 

And I doubt that she, a 32 year old woman with a 'plan' is going to stick around for much longer if you keep stalling or not show any sort of initiative towards her requirement of kids and marriage.

[OptomisticGirl]

You guys have different life goals really. She isn't in the wrong to want all that but shouldn't be pressuring you in any way.

[Eocsor]

As has been said, you two have a different vision of what your lives should be. She wants marriage and children and thats usually non negotiable for a woman who has her mind set on it.

 

Even if you really love her, if thats not what you want, and you do end up getting married and having kids, you'll start to resent her for trapping you and it will end badly.

 

It may be best for you two to go your separate ways.

 

PS

A woman who only wants to stay home and pop out kids without any thought of a career in this day and age???? Everyones different but I'd run far and fast if I was you.

[Mesemene]

A woman who only wants to stay home and pop out kids without any thought of a career in this day and age???? Everyones different but I'd run far and fast if I was you.

 

Actually, with the cost of daycare going through the roof and scares about the care provided, it's becoming more common for some women to opt to stay home for at least the early part of childhood, and go back to work when the kids are in school.

 

To put it in perspective - the area my daughter lives in, it costs her $160 per week for daycare for her toddler. She's due in Feb, and her and her SO are already trying to figure out if it will be more practical for her to be at home, or continue working. After adding in gas prices for commuting, daycare costs, etc, it will cost her about $400 a week to work if she goes back when the baby is still a baby.

 

Anyways, back on track - I agree that if you're not 100% ready to get married, don't do it. It's such a major decision you really need to be invested in it completely to have it work. And even if you decide marriage is on the table, sort out completely just what you expect from each other, kids, etc beforehand - and make sure you're on the same page.

[DN]

The downside of being the sole breadwinner while a spouse is a stay-at-home parent is that the one who earn the money is in a highly disadvantageous position should there be a separation or divorce and with the divorce rate being what it is, it is a high risk venture.