Having a lot of trouble with my negative family

[CarnelianButterfly]

I have been living at home with my folks for a while now. I can't afford an apartment because I have a low paying job that was supposed to be temporary until I found a position in my field. My brother also lives at home. The difference being, he is on house arrest for 3 DUIs. As part of his sentence he is breathalized at random by an corrections officer that comes to the house. With his work schedule he sleeps during the day, so I am usually the one to answer the door and then I have to get him up. Every time this has happened he finds so stupid reason to start dumping on me after the officer leaves. Tonight he picked a fight over a slice of pizza I supposedly hadn't eaten, he was flipping out about how it was taking up room in the fridge and how I always waste food. The thing is, said pizza was gone, I ate it for lunch. He is so obsessed with fridge space and what he deems aren't good uses of it. What? Really? Its a slice of pizza!

 

The stupid fights aren't the only thing, he has scheduled times when he is allowed to leave for errands and flips out if I don't want to take him any where. I don't feel the need to live my life around his schedule because he can't drive. I don't want to do favors for someone who treats me the way he does. He acts like I have to adjust my life to accommodate him.

 

All his anger is directed at me. I didn't put him drunk and in the car, I didn't arrest him, I didn't sentence him to this, I don't deserve this crap!

 

My Mom has also been really negative toward me as well. She enables my brother and is also mad at me for not helping him. She will drive him around and make changes for him. Her negative attitude is now going past just issues with my brother and is starting to make her bother me about other things. For instance, my boss is horrible, I've been looking for other jobs to get out of that place. I took a glass blowing class this weekend and really enjoyed myself. The instructor and studio owner said she could see having me as a part time worker since she was coming into her busiest season. I said I'd think about it. I told my Mom and she said "don't mess up what you already have". What I have is bad pay, horrible working conditions, and a boss that's favorite saying is "its good to be king". What I could have is a chance to work in a glass studio with a very established and respected artist. My friend was her assistant in the past and said it was a good job, you just have to help the artist stay organized because she's a little scatter brained at times. I've discussed this with several other friends and they all think its a great idea, they know how tired I am of my boss's tirades.

 

I met a great guy last week, he teaches math at a local high school. He's smart, sweet, open, curious, and sexy. Our 1st date flew by, our second date was almost 7 hours long because we were so engrossed in our conversation. I think he and I have some potential. I mentioned this to my Mom and she was thrilled, I mentioned his name and her face looked a lot less thrilled. He's of Chinese decent. I never thought it would be an issue, I have always dated men of a variety of races and cultures, but now its an issue. I don't know why she has become so negative.

 

I am fighting to be happy and my family feels like they are pulling me down.

[jimjam07]

With your brother..Yes when you are cooped up in a house, and you see the same people everyday it does irritate you.

 

Maybe make a deal with your brother, when it comes to driving him around or doing errands. E.g: Say you want to use his computer for 2 hours for something he wants...

 

I guess you mum is trying to look at your brother's side of things...

 

 

If you like this glass blowing.. maybe do like a trial for say a couple of days, and if it is great, then continue with it - don't give up on your dreams.

 

& with this new boy, give him a chance... and when the time is right meet the parent/s.. and they might have change in heart..

 

 

I hope this has helped.

[abitbroken]

Can't your brother explain to his probation officer that he works nights an hand him his schedule. Maybe that would cause the police officer to come by in the evening when your brother is getting ready for work or in the morning when he is still awake. If I were you, I would not get the door and not get involved. If the officer is coming to see your brother - would your brother answer the door if he was living alone? He would have to get his sorry butt out of bed and answer the door. It will take once or twice for the officer to report that he could not get ahold of him, and you might see your brother doing more for himself or sleeping on the sofa so he can hear the door.

 

As far as your job, I half agree with your mom. is there a way that you could be the glass blower's assistant on the weekend or your normal off hours from your other job? This way if it ends up being something seasonal or the glass blower decides that they don't need an assistant, and you only work there a month, you aren't out. If it ends up being something that you can do full time or seems permanent, then you can make the decision to leave your other job. Then get a second one that you like too.

 

If your goal is leaving home and living away from your family, i would especially just consider the assistant job a sideline at first so that you would have the income to move on until it proves to be a job where you could use it as your main job.

[CarnelianButterfly]

He has told them his schedule, they just have managed to come when he's chosen to sleep in. Him moving to the sofa would be even bigger an issue, he'd throw a fit any time someone made noise while he was asleep. His room is in the basement and there is no way to hear the door bell. I've considered rewiring the bell so it has a remote ringer in his room, but I'd have to do some research about it first. At least the officer that comes is nice, he chats with me and is more considerate than my brother.

 

I had no intention of quitting my current job until I felt the job at the studio was something permanent. I had hoped to find a full time position, but working 2 part time jobs doesn't bother me. I need the hours. My boss has been cutting my hours and not giving me any explanation. Several people have quit lately and he still cuts my hours. I was supposed to be working more with the season ramping up, but now I'm working less than before. The last 2 pay periods he has also been several days late with pay checks. I consider that a huge issue especially after he has lectured me on being more detail oriented. I keep his store in order and fix a lot of the issues that other people cause, I'm also his best sales person. The whole time I have worked there his only consistency is how inconsistent he handles things. He expects me to be autonomous, but screams and lectures when I don't consult him on every detail. He tells me to ask questions, but then screams at me for asking questions. He screams about everything. Which is why I want out of there. I'm tired of his mood swings and general nastiness.

 

I have applied to grad school to start my PhD. I will try to get funding after I have established myself in the new department and know who to approach for a research position. That job is my main drive and a way to get back onto my original career path. I just have to deal with this other junk first. I know that until I have a full time position I won't be able to afford an apartment.

 

The new guy and I will be going out again, I really like him. It feels a little cliche meeting him now, I had decided to give up dating and to delete my dating profile. I was going to the site to delete it when I saw his message.

[Angel Irulan]

Ignore him. Don't respond to his tantrums. Don't reinforce anything. Tell your mom she has to do for him. If she says move: do. Just get out. Get two jobs, anything. You don't need this.

 

Angel