Acceptance is the First Step

[feenyx]

Hi ENA, just wanted to shout out someplace. Vent. Reflect. I broke up with my ex earlier this year. His memory came up when an old colleague mentioned "You guys ended pretty abruptly" and it went into a discussion on how he cheated on me and how I'd rather break up than to work through it with him. She said, "That kind of stuff you work out only if you're married and committed, and only if you want to as well". I agree. There was a reason why we weren't "at that next stage" when we had all the means to.

 

But it made me reflect on how I actually didn't care to find that he had been sleeping at this new girl's house. I suppose it was abrupt to the world outside, but to me the relationship was dying for a very long time.

 

We were supposed to break up probably 2 years ago. I had found out that he had been emailing a former lover, and read through the emails. We were at the breaking point and he was blaming me for betraying his trust, then I caved and confessed that I wanted to marry him. But I am glad we never got engaged. But I resented him deep inside because something was seriously wrong for me to have accepted that, to feel so powerless and insecure that I would let him do that to me. I went to therapy and counseling thinking we still had a chance. But he never made the effort to look into his errors.

 

When he cheated on me a second time, I felt relief, freedom, a new life and future. I feel that I've healed from those 4 years because I knew he was taking me for granted, but I was foolish to think that if I gave him enough patience and understanding to show my love, he'd turn around. That didn't work for me. It was even more evident when he wrote "where did we go wrong?" post-breakup. He said, "I learned nothing but how much I miss you". I couldn't answer him. Not when he was with the girl he cheated on me with. At first I laughed at the irony of it all. Then I wrote a draft letter, then threw it away. I felt sorry for him.

 

It was a very sick and harmful relationship. It never was healthy for me. I accepted that, and then I corrected it by cutting him out of my life completely. I suppose once he realizes that, and accepts that, he will let me go too.