I regret returning mom's phone call....I feel like it was a HUGE mistake!

[RoxyGril]

I posted a thread about a sitaution with my mom, which she choose to cheat. I haven't really spoken with her until just recently and now truly regret doing. Just a brief update...She chose to cheat on my step-dad with my 10 yr old sister's friend's dad. My sister witnessed them kiss and it went on to accidently sending a txt to my older sister in which this was meant for this guy. Anyways, I found out through my step-dad and didn't speak with her until early last week. I don't know what exactly got me to return her phone call. I think it was out of emotion and I wish I didn't let my emotions get me to call her back. She called me wanting to know if I wanted to come over for dinner. I didn't hear my phone go off until my bf said that my phone was beeping. I checked my voicemail which left me with the option of calling her or not.

 

I called her and let her know that I was busy and already had plans for dinner. After the phone called I realized I that I made a huge mistake. I wasn't exactly ready to speak with her and I blew my chance to really tell her how I feel. So, now she thinks everything is okay between us and which it really isn't.

 

Then on Thursday I left work to go home for lunch and plugged in my phone to charge. I got distracted and realized I needed to get back to work....Of course I left my phone. But, I get back to work and go to use the restroom. When I get back my mom shows up w/ my little sister. I wasn't expecting it and I feel my mouth just drop.

 

IDK what I need to do to explain to her how I feel and that she has really hurt me. I don't feel that she deserves to have me apart of her life right now. Yeah she maybe my mom but, she didn't this similar situation to my dad when I was really young.

 

What do I do now? Where do I go from here?

[MK9]

Jesus taught us to forgive and move on. She might cheated on your step dad, but forgive her and tell her not to do something like that again. It is o.k to express how you feel.

[RoxyGril]

Agree on forgiving someone and move on from there...But, it is a bit harder to forgive this time. This isn't the first time she has cheated on my step-dad and let alone my own dad. She made a choice to cheat years ago on my step dad and they worked through it and she chose to make the same decision now. I mean if you are not longer happy in a marrige at least you would want to work on it or separte if it just doesn't work. But, to chose to cheat isn't the answer to get yourself out of a marriage let alone to find happiness. She has not made the wises decisions and I feel it has hurt a lot of people.

[Ariel85]

I don't think you've lost the opportunity to tell her what you think of her and her actions.

 

If it's easier, send her an email saying what you've said here. That way she can't interrupt you, and you can let her know how her choices have affected you.

 

FWIW, you sound like 10x the person she'd ever be...

[RoxyGril]

I think it would probably be best to write in a letter or email. Doing this would be the easiest for her to really understand where I am coming from and at least explain it to her. I just feel I allowed her to think everything is good between us now and it really isn't. When I saw her I want her to be honest and admit to what she has done wrong but, there wasn't anything from her. Though it would best for me to write her a letter but at the sametime I feel like it will go through 1 ear and out the other.

[abitbroken]

It is okay that you answered her - the conversation was short and brief. You said you were busy. You didn't saw "awww...its okay, everythings fine." Don't beat yourself up. I suggest that you don't "tell her how you feel" in front of your little sister. I think that its the mature thing to do when she shows up with her to not slam the door in her face or actively avoid her in that way. Collect your thoughts, work on your own healing, and then tell her. a letter might work, but either that or invite her to lunch or something one on one and tell her how you feel. You can forgive her eventually, she is your mother - but that doesn't mean you "accept" it and it doesn't mean you are abandoning your stepdad or sister. I don't know what to advise else but please make sure you continue to strengthen the relationship between you and your little sister. Maybe start doing things with your stepdad and your little sis together without your mom.

[RoxyGril]

Thanks for the advice abitbroken! I will try to work on doing things with my stepdad and sister without her. I do hope there will forgiveness done the line but, only time will tell and hopefully she will realize what she has lost. I will never really understand why cheating is an reason to get out of a marriage. There are so many better ways to handle someone's unhappiness, etc.