KJ2008 Posted October 24, 2011 Share Posted October 24, 2011 Basically I started sleeping with this girl for fun which eventually turned into a relationship. I like her but ended it because she has an 18 month old son. Me being 21 Im unsure if I'm ready for that kind of reaponibility in my life right now. But i still like her and kinda want to try again I guess? My question is, is it wrong for me to want to date her but NOT play a role model in her child's life? Wouldn't that come later in the relationship? I know it's something that would eventually have to happen if we were to be together for awhile. I'm just kinda unsure and confused about me feelings and just looking for some advice from a mature crowd.... Thank you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BellaDonna Posted October 24, 2011 Share Posted October 24, 2011 My question is, is it wrong for me to want to date her but NOT play a role model in her child's life? I don't think it's wrong. Her son doesn't have to be your responsibility and you don't necessarily have to fulfill any role in the child's life, especially this early on. However, what you will need, for sure, if you are dating someone with a child (especially a small child) is understanding. There may be nights she has to cancel plans with you because her child is sick. Her child will always be a major part of her lifestyle and who she is. She may not be able to go out on weekends as much, etc. There there is the contact with the baby's father, if he is in the child's life. I'm not sure what her custody/babysitting arrangments are but that will all impact your relationship. I like her but ended it because she has an 18 month old son. You mentioned possibly wanting to get back together. Do you think she will take you back or will she be too hurt? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RedDress Posted October 24, 2011 Share Posted October 24, 2011 I don't think it's wrong of you and I think it's a healthy mindset. A more mature crowd will tell you that this is the way it should be... that in the best interests of the child, you shouldn't even meet the child for a few months (at least) but what we think doesn't matter. It's what she thinks. If she is looking for a baby daddy or trying to patch together a family, she is not going to like this very much. If she is secure in her role as a single parent, it won't bother her. At some point, though, she DOES have a child. The child is not going away. She is a package deal. So... how long is a long time? 6 months? After that, she's going to tire of paying for babysitting and she's going to want you around. At that point... yeah... it is kind of taking on the Daddy role. Have you already met the child? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KJ2008 Posted October 24, 2011 Author Share Posted October 24, 2011 Yea I've met him plenty of times. The first time I met with her he was there. Idk if she's trying to patch a family together or anything, but I know it seemed to move fast and I ended it. She wants me back, tells me she misses me, and we've only known each other for a couple months and only actually dated for less than a month before I decided to end it, but like I said, I'm just unsure if I'm ready for that role. The father gets the child every other weekend and he and she don't get along at all. One thing I don't wanna do is play with her head in any way. If I decided to date her again, and a few months from now ended it, would it seem like I'm playing games? Is it wrong to "try it out" when a child is involved? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RedDress Posted October 24, 2011 Share Posted October 24, 2011 Playing games is about not communicating your intentions. If you are worried about coming accross as playing games... just flat-out tell her your intentions. "Suzie - I like you very much. I really want to date you and get to know you some more - but I'm a little scared. I don't know if I'm up for the whole Daddy thing. Do you think that maybe you and I can give it a go and keep little Billy out of it for a bit? You have such a great child - I don't want to confuse or hurt him if things don't work out" Communication is the key to a good relationship. Start now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
king6 Posted October 24, 2011 Share Posted October 24, 2011 My question is, is it wrong for me to want to date her but NOT play a role model in her child's life? Its wrong if your misleading her in what your intentions are. Be up front about it. Tell your not wanting anything serious and your not interested in being around children. If she dont mind, your guilt free. You should look for women without kids, it doesnt sound like your mature enough to handle a relationship with one that has kids. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Firecracker Posted October 24, 2011 Share Posted October 24, 2011 If I had small children and dated a man, I wouldn't expect him to be responsible in any way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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