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Am I an interloper?


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World English Dictionary:


interloper (ˈɪntəˌləʊpə —n

1. an intruder

2. a person who introduces himself into professional or social circles where he does not belong

3. a person who interferes in matters that are not his concern

4. a person who trades unlawfully




A close friend of mine has recently called me an interloper on more than one occasion. Not being a word I use frequently, I decided to look up the definition. I have to say, unless I'm misinterpreting what this word actually means (or he is), I find this pretty insulting. He is basically saying we are not friends at all. I'll comment later with details about this situation, but in the meantime, I'd like to know what this word means to you. Can you use (hypothetical) examples of someone you would consider to be an interloper?

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I think he means #3. That you are a nosybody. Not that you aren't a friend... but that you may be overstepping your boundaries as a friend. Sticking your nose where it doesn't belong.


I think we can all be that way from time to time... It's easy to get sucked into other people's business.

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Maybe he means your a net-worker. Like you get involved in things that your friend can't possibly understand how you do.


Maybe he is a tad bit jealous. On a side-note, I've never ever heard of this phrase before, but come to think of it, I used to work with a guy who fits this definition. But he was pretty popular and that was just his nature.

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Okay, I'll give you the background and context. First of all, it was said kind of jestingly, but I have to admit, it is bothering me, because on some level, I know he means it (at least in his own understanding of the word).


He says I am an interloper for hanging out with his friends, and for remaining friends with his ex-girlfriend (who he prefers not to even be around). To me, this feels more like he's using something similar to definition #2. In which case he's really saying that I don't belong in his social circle. Somehow, in his mind, it is okay to be friends with him, but not his friends? Maybe he fears I will become closer to some of his friends than I am to him and won't need his friendship anymore, or that I will become closer to his other friends than he is. I don't know, it does seem to come from a place of insecurity though. I feel like he has lost faith in my loyalty, just because I refuse to turn my back on a friendship I've made with his ex. It's really quite unfair, but his friendship does mean a lot to me...

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Who broke his relationship, him or his ex? If it was his ex, then he might view you as a barrier to getting back with her. Doesn't matter how accurate he is, if he finds himself unable to deal with her in ways he otherwise would if she wasn't hanging with you, he may have a chip about that.

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He broke it off with her. He got tired of "dealing with" her. I will say that he knows I was attracted to her at one time, and there's really nothing I can say to him to convince him I have lost that kind of interest in her. I'm sure that is probably a part of this as well.

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