My boyfriend broke up with me a month ago. Should I contact him?

[utopie]

Hi everybody,

 

My BF of 3 years (we lived together for 2) broke up with me a month ago because he was not sure about us anymore, has not had his share of experiences (I was his first love although he's 27. I'm 29), is periodically attracted to other women (although still attracted to me as well) although he considers me like a member of his family, deeply cares about me and wants me in his life but needs to be without me for now, it's bad timing, etc. I let him go peacefully but in tears which made him even more confused about his decision (he asked me several times on the 3 occasions we saw each other after the BU whether he took the right decision to which I said "you're the only one who knows but I love you") and last time I saw him he told me "I need to think about us, I don't know anymore" because he liked our couple dynamics and adores so many things about me.

Anyway, last week he had to drop off something that belonged to me and I told him (by text messages) 3 times to just drop it off in front of the door before he finally did it. I guess he wanted to see me and he texted me "Are things well?" which confirmed my doubts that he wanted to talk to me face to face. Strange since he is a pretty straightforward guy and I thought he would just have told me "I want to talk to you in person". I answered by a simple "yep". He respected my decision not to see him.

I miss him very much and I have not initiated contact in 3 weeks (he was the one who contacted me about my stuff) but I am afraid that my last message shut him out and that he will never contact me again. I told him last time I saw him that I would leave him alone and would be out of his life (to which he said "I never asked you to do that" but I needed to do it for me) but that he could contact me if he felt the need to hear from me, which he did. Now there is no more excuses for him to contact me have all my stuff and he has all his stuff.

 

I am not sure what to do. My friends tell me not to contact him again but I have doubts. What if by not ever contacting him again he's never going to either because he will want to 'respect' my decision and/or he will think that I have moved on and that he made the right decision?

I will move on eventually but I feel like it's not over between him and I, my guts are just telling me it's not which is the first time for me after a break-up.

[annie24]

If he needs to be without you for now, then respect his decision and move forward. I think that the ball is in his court to realize he made a horrible mistake and to beg for you back. i don't think you contacting him would be good because he won't get the chance to see what life is like without you. it's only been 3 weeks. if anything, i think that moving on, dating other guys might be good because he might realize he could lose you for good.

[Furbys]

He told you that he would contact you if he wanted to talk to you so you need to respect that decision and try not to contact him. He will contact you when he is ready. I know it is difficult to not contact someone but it is in both of your best interests to do this. Enjoy being single whilst you can, go out with friends, meet new people and just have fun, don't let this get you down and stop you from going out and having fun. If he comes back and you two start talking again then great but don't stop yourself from enjoying life because you are waiting for him to contact you.

[utopie]

It is really hard to enjoy being single again. I am going out and I am pampering myself but he's constantly on my mind. It hurts but I am strong enough not to contact him. Dating other guys is just not possible right now. I've actually been asked on 2 dates and I went but with absolutely no heart in them. I don't think it's a good idea. I need to renew my relationship with myself first.

He knows he can lose me, I've been asked out a few times while we were together (I've always been honest and told him) and when he was pursuing me another guy he knew was also interested. He knows that I will eventually move on, he even said "you are really independent" with wonder. I told him "I love you right now but I don't know who is going to enter my life in the future and I might not be there for you if you decide I'm the one after all".

Why does it have to be this way when we had a healthy relationship based on mutual care, support and affection up to the very last day (he even acknowledged that)?

[lanaa]

no a month is still too early...wait a few weeks more

[utopie]

You guys are right. I just talked to one of my friends who strengthened my resolve. I cannot and should not contact him for my sake and his own sake. He needs to grow and mature before coming back, if he ever does. And I need to be with myself again. I let him go with no drama and dignity. I am not going to ruin that and will keep on going strong. If I relapse I have my friends and you guys for that. You are truly golden and I think it's great that there are people like you helping other poor souls.