dr_loomis7 Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 As of yesterday, I have reached 100 rejections on dating websites. Yes, I have been keeping track but mostly so I can remember who I've emailed and not email them twice. I'm getting a bit frustrated, I've only met two in person and the ones where it seems like we'd be completely compatible never respond or do respond once and I never hear back. I know and I've told others not to take it personally but I have to wonder if something is wrong with me. Maybe my pics or my profile or even just my location. Oh well, this isn't exactly a post to figure out why I get rejected. Here is another question. Why do I even care about finding a relationship? I have good friends, do what I want when I want, money, time, freedom. I'm not looking to have kids so that's not a concern, but yet there is some irrational desire to date someone. And from watching the troubles my friends have, it doesn't seem to be that great anyway. My roommate cheats on his girlfriend, my best friend's girlfriend nags him to propose even though he's not ready, a co-workers wife dominates him and treats him like he's stupid, I don't really see the point. Anyone else in this boat? Maybe I need a hobby. This is just a rant post, but had to get it out somewhere. Thanks ENA /End rant Link to comment
Furbys Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 Dating websites can be frustrating but don't let it get to you. I'm on a dating site myself and I get rejected too but you just forget it and move on. May i ask if the dating site you are using is free or if you have to pay because this can be a big factor. If its free then many of the people on those sites are not serious about finding relationships, they are more interested in just making friends, just want a quick chat or are only after one thing. But there are some people on there who are serious about finding a relationship. If you go on a paying site then it is more likely that the people on there are more serious about finding a relationship. There is nothing wrong with you whatsoever so don't try to be negative about yourself because this will only make you upset. You haven't found the right person yet on that site but don't let that deter you. The right person is out there, just keep trying. Link to comment
tmtex Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 I am on both pay and non pay. I get more on the free ones. I dont get jack s....t from match. IMO majority of them are just playing games. Doesnt matter how GL, great pics you have, they arent going to respond. I tend to get someone In am not attracted to or are have more weight then I prefer. Just keep going at it, maybe change your profile around, add different or more pics. Also just dont rely on the dating sites Link to comment
Donkey005 Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 yeah I hear you man. I'm in the same boat. I don't want kids either , I love my freedom and my disposable income. It's nice to come home from work and do whatever you want when you want. It's the loneliness and the need to cuddle to someone sometimes that makes us desire a relationship.. so the grass is greener on the other side always !! anyone i know who is in a relationship its all DRAMA for them and stress! Link to comment
annie24 Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 I am on both pay and non pay. I get more on the free ones. I dont get jack s....t from match. IMO majority of them are just playing games. Doesnt matter how GL, great pics you have, they arent going to respond. I tend to get someone In am not attracted to or are have more weight then I prefer. Just keep going at it, maybe change your profile around, add different or more pics. Also just dont rely on the dating sites when i did online dating, it was the opposite - i had more dates from the pay sites, very few from the free (and those guys turned out to be super players!!) i wouldn't keep track of the number. just keep trying, and don't forget to keep meeting women in real life as well. Link to comment
tmtex Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 when i did online dating, it was the opposite - i had more dates from the pay sites, very few from the free (and those guys turned out to be super players!!) i wouldn't keep track of the number. just keep trying, and don't forget to keep meeting women in real life as well. There are A LOT of women players also. I love it how they put in there profile " I am not looking for one night stands and if you are then move on" Well meet for a drink and next thing you know your at her house in her bed. IDK maybe its just the women in there late 30's, 40's Link to comment
annie24 Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 There are A LOT of women players also. I love it how they put in there profile " I am not looking for one night stands and if you are then move on" Well meet for a drink and next thing you know your at her house in her bed. IDK maybe its just the women in there late 30's, 40's alcohol clouds judgment. or maybe they are hoping something more will come of it afterwards. of course, it rarely works out that way. Link to comment
In the Dark Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 In general the men are the ones casting out the fishing rod so to speak which in turn gets a lot more rejections than females so the chances of getting a high amount of rejections is pretty high. I did notice there are people who do go on these dating sites with a half interested attitude. More curious in seeing what kind of people they catch or like the feeling of having people messaging them in interest for an ego boost. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 It's not all "rejection" and even if it is it's rejection by a stranger. I think your definition of rejection is far too broad -some of the women you're emailing may be men or not who they say they are (i.e. spying on a husband or boyfriend). I didn't even know my profile was still visible for months after I was involved in a relationship - I was signing on now and then when friends wanted me to see who they were dating. I had many emails that I didn't have access to but I hope they didn't feel "rejected!" Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 Are you reaching out to women in real life? Link to comment
Cristian Luca Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 OK! I've been dating online since I was 14, which was 11 years ago. I dated about 50 women from which I've met online and I've talked to hundreds and got rejected by hundreds of women. In this process, I've only met 2 good women, one is my girlfriend right now. So, be grateful that you have a tool as powerful as online dating. The general misconception is that finding a compatible partner is easy. WRONG. It's hard. Never lose hope and a "rejection" is a reason for you to move to the next one, because in the process of meeting the last one and the one before her and the others before were helping you to discover more about yourself and the type of woman that you are compatible with. Link to comment
Stay_home Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 No matter where you look there's always going to be the pick between the good, wholesome fresh fruit and the exact opposite. That's whether you date online or offline. Link to comment
David Mac Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 I can see that the lack of luck is causing some frustration. I myself have sent over 120 messages on Pof all different types of girls age 22-30, different areas max 30 miles etc), over the last 2 months and probably over a hundred on zoosk. In my experience on pof I have not had a single reply, not even a thanks but sorry you're not my type etc. If they do read my message they look at my profile and thats as far as it goes. However I did receive 2 messages where I didn't initiate first contact and one of them I dated recently for 3 weeks before I decided that I wasn't feeling it. so the odds for me were roughly 1 in a hundred to get a first date and then I had to see if we had chemistry.. slim chance of success. I'm confident and average looking with a good profile, but i'm bald so I shave my head. Just today I've started a test, I've made a new profile with pretty much all the same details but different location, and description slightly rearranged and reworded so to not get sussed. What I'm going to do is use my mates picture cos hes like a 9/10 and I'm just going to see if new searches + those same girls who viewed me will reply this time with just a blunt basic hiya type mesage. I've used pay dating sites but they were far too dear and i still never had any luck using them. Link to comment
dr_loomis7 Posted October 23, 2011 Author Share Posted October 23, 2011 Wow, more replies than I expected. To answer some of the questions, yes, I am on both pay and free sites. Over the past few years, I've been a member of at least 5 dating sites (the 100 have been just this year). I don't do a lot offline to meet women. Part of that it is harder to find single women as opposed to the ones actually looking/not married (hopefully) and the other part is that I have a very hard time initiating conversation with anyone, male or female. It is easier for me to thank out an email intro with facts I already know than to try to come up with a conversation, pay attention to body language, have others around hear me get rejected, not let them notice I'm nervous, and try to find things the other person is interested in. I am very closed off when I meet new people. Rejection maybe isn't the right word. I've been rejected in a relationships before and it is so much worse. I guess I can call it lack of response from those I'm interested in. David Mac, my roommate is a rather nice looking, military guy who started a profile on POF. He doesn't send a lot of emails but half of his communication has been female initiated. His profile is crap but he looks good. He has even met at least one in the 2 months he's been a member, so I think your theory may be true. Although this profile has been about online dating, my main question was why I desire a relationship in the first place. I think one hit it, grass is always greener, that makes sense to me. Now how to enjoy where I'm at and what I have. Link to comment
motley802 Posted October 24, 2011 Share Posted October 24, 2011 It's not all "rejection" and even if it is it's rejection by a stranger. I think your definition of rejection is far too broad -some of the women you're emailing may be men or not who they say they are (i.e. spying on a husband or boyfriend). This. Once you meet them and they decide not to continue meeting with you again then that will be considered as rejection. Online dating is hard so don't worry you'll hit the success sometime Link to comment
David Mac Posted October 24, 2011 Share Posted October 24, 2011 Ok well I've carried out this profile test I mentioned earlier in this thread, for just over a day. I've so far messaged 20 girls that didnt reply to me when using my real profile. Interesting results !! None of those girls replied to my message yet they still looked at my profile and I could see when they were last online. Further more in just 1 day I've receieved 2 messages, one from a girl who said how sad are we so i replied what do u mean by sad. and she responded with I know the guy your using in your profile pic !! lol ooops .. But the other message was from a girl and she just typed gorgeous x I didn't reply. So its early days in this testing but I feel that online dating is based on window shopping and maybe should be taken in a casual tone rather than getting all serious about it. edit = I just receieved a 3rd message after writing this . Link to comment
David Mac Posted October 24, 2011 Share Posted October 24, 2011 another update two of the 20 girls replied to my message on the fake account, So within a day its showing what I believed might be the case. Link to comment
dr_loomis7 Posted October 25, 2011 Author Share Posted October 25, 2011 LOL @ David Mac. So far so good with your theory. Unfortunately, it is true. Online dating seems to be purely window shopping. In the day you've had your friends pic posted, I've emailed at least 10 with plenty of looks at my profile, but no replies. Guys are probably worse at the window shopping so it would be almost hypocritical for any of us to be upset but it does stink. Guys do the picking, women do the choosing. I'd be curious how this proceeds, pm me with results if you don't want to post them in the forum. Link to comment
Puma Posted October 25, 2011 Share Posted October 25, 2011 OK! I've been dating online since I was 14, which was 11 years ago. I dated about 50 women from which I've met online and I've talked to hundreds and got rejected by hundreds of women. In this process, I've only met 2 good women, one is my girlfriend right now. So, be grateful that you have a tool as powerful as online dating. The general misconception is that finding a compatible partner is easy. WRONG. It's hard. Never lose hope and a "rejection" is a reason for you to move to the next one, because in the process of meeting the last one and the one before her and the others before were helping you to discover more about yourself and the type of woman that you are compatible with. I thought this was an excellent (and very comforting) post. As a reasonably intelligent and attractive girl (so I'm told I'm somewhat in the same boat as you, dr_loomis. However, being a gay female, it isn't *too* different from my end, either. I dated guys once upon a time and wouldn't get responses despite crafting a catchy and complimentary message, and it still happens from time to time when I message other women these days. It's easy to become insecure after a seemingly endless streak of bad luck. But as earlier mentioned, you gradually become acutely aware about yourself and your desires. If someone I was strongly interested in didn't reply/stopped responding after a few messages, I just disregard the case and move on without thinking much about it. These days, I find it difficult to want someone who probably feels half-hearted about [meeting up with] me anyway. That being said, don't be too hard on yourself. Link to comment
Lonewing Posted October 25, 2011 Share Posted October 25, 2011 Are you reaching out to women in real life? This thought that such plurality exists will be a disillusion thoroughly dispelled in another couple decades... 100 stonewalls is not bad. 100 a month, now that takes talent! youc an expect about a 3-4% response rate at best - that's the averageresponse rate to traditional general bulk commercial mail. Don't ask how I know. Link to comment
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