Getting Over Him

[gardengnome]

I've told him everything. He told me I should move on and that nothing will happen....but he still looks at me with those eyes. He said he's done things with other guys, but he didn't like it and it was just a drunken encounter and he likes girls. I still have a hard time believing it and everytime we stare at each other in conversation it comes back for me. I really don't think it's possible for me to get over him. I care about him sooo much. I don't know what to do.

[TwilightLurker]

Part of caring for and loving someone involves respecting that person's wishes and decisions. At this stage in his life, he's committed himself to a heterosexual lifestyle. He does appear to have bisexual tendencies that surfaces when he's consumed alcohol, so it's possible that one day, he may be accepting enough of himself to be with another guy when he's not drunk. If he believes homosexuality to be wrong because of religious beliefs and/or feels pressure from family and/or friends to live a heterosexual lifestyle though, there's not much you personally can do for him. Individual acceptance has to come from within, although the support from friends and family to be a free spirit can help that acceptance take form.

 

It is possible for you to get over him. You first need to try and understand and respect his decision. It's his life and he's free to live it the way he wants to/feels he needs to. You also should try and keep in mind that if you found a guy this great, you can find another guy just as great that wants to have a relationship with another guy. It's far better to invest yourself emotionally in and commit yourself to a person that feels the same way about you. You have to keep your eyes open and look around, because if you spend years waiting for this guy to hopefully come around to accepting himself, how many great friendships or relationships might you miss out on? You have to think about yourself, your future and your happiness, too.

[ceez]

It's best to distance yourself from someone like this who is still fighting with who they are because it can ruin your life. I had a friend that would always flirt with me and we would fool around but he would sware up and down he was straight. He ended up moving to another nieghborhood so we saw less of each other and it really helped me get over him. We are still friends now but i have no desire to be anything more than friends.

 

It might be best to give each other a little space right now and be for you know it you'll find another guy to chase after who will have the same feelings for you.