lalarose Posted October 22, 2011 Share Posted October 22, 2011 Being in a LDR is hard!! When he doesn't text, or call and it's frustrating..and you know he's probably just busy.. How do you overcome these insecurities? Link to comment
sjjohnson89 Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 Being in a LDR is hard!! When he doesn't text, or call and it's frustrating..and you know he's probably just busy.. How do you overcome these insecurities? This is something i have the same insecurity with, im currently in a long distance relationship and when breaks in communication happen all sorts of stuff goes through my mind. When i know whats happened, or, say i know after everythings ok i feel better then but up to that i just 'suffer' through my own thoughts. Not exactly words of wisdom i know lol, i wish i knew how to 'overcome' it, but i think its part of being attached and caring. Link to comment
lalarose Posted October 23, 2011 Author Share Posted October 23, 2011 This is something i have the same insecurity with, im currently in a long distance relationship and when breaks in communication happen all sorts of stuff goes through my mind. When i know whats happened, or, say i know after everythings ok i feel better then but up to that i just 'suffer' through my own thoughts. Not exactly words of wisdom i know lol, i wish i knew how to 'overcome' it, but i think its part of being attached and caring. Yes i think it's normal .. But I don't like the feeling! And It gets me mad sometimes but I don't want to be mad at him... If you get mad for not talking, do you tell the person? Link to comment
sjjohnson89 Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 Yes i think it's normal .. But I don't like the feeling! And It gets me mad sometimes but I don't want to be mad at him... If you get mad for not talking, do you tell the person? No, i try not to at least. I keep a lot of things like that in, after a while it eases up after i know things are alright. Though obviously, sometimes it just comes out with which after i feel awful. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 When we were long distance we spoke every night and usually once during the day or emailed during the day. I never worried that I wasn't going to hear from him. But, in situations where I first met someone and started dating I would be insecure if I didn't hear from the person whether or not we were long distance, unless I knew when we were going to see each other next in the near future. I knew the man I was long distance with very well before we started our long distance relationship and we both loved talking at least once a day, preferably at night. When we started our relationship it was for serious reasons and we both put a lot of effort into seeing each other in person. Link to comment
OptomisticGirl Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 I never had those insecurities with my husband - we are still LDR. I never questioned or went crazy when he didn't email me or anything - I knew he would when he had time. Link to comment
LDRohnos Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 LDR's...probably never do one again unless it was temporary with a very defined timetable as to when it would end and little question in my mind whether that person was compatible with me. That said, unless you're "with" someone that you KNOW BEYOND A DOUBT that she/he is "the one" and that person reciprocates those feelings then it's going to be very, very difficult. Pretty much can put it this way...any problems (Intimacy/Communication/Younameit) are going to be compounded in a LDR. Honestly I think the only people who succeed in an LDR for long period of time are those who truthfully aren't in any hurry for a relationship and they're very comfortable not being in one for the time being. That and the fact that they know the person is "the one". It helps if there's a definitive ending to the LDR as well. Knowing that it WILL END on THIS DATE (or near to it) will make it much easier. If you are in a LDR with no end in sight it becomes increasingly frustrating. It doesn't seem like your needs are being met. Have you spoken to him about this? It's not needy to want to speak to someone and have their consideration. Just because you're far apart doesn't mean you play second fiddle. It means you have to try even harder. Link to comment
lalarose Posted October 23, 2011 Author Share Posted October 23, 2011 Thanks everyone.. It's just that i miss him soo much! And i got used talking to him everyday on skype and now.. It seems like our schedules don't work so we can't skype.. But like he says we're gonna skype this night.. and then he doesn't text me , so its a bit frustrating.. Should i tell him? Link to comment
Batya33 Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 I don't think it's about missing him - you can miss someone and feel secure about the relationship. What's relevant is whether you feel comfortable telling him that you'd like to be in contact every day -and whether you can say that in a mature, balanced way. Link to comment
sjjohnson89 Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 We talk everyday, though, timing is always hard for us, shes got work when im free or ive got uni when she could talk and so on, its frustrating. Another thing which im not looking forward to is that soon we wont be able to talk everyday as our schedules are about to get even more difficult meaning, we will be lucky to talk 3 days a week, at least for a while. Im sure its not going to break us apart or anything, but, i dont like the space thats going to create. We will likely exchange emails still, but, its not the same as talking. Link to comment
OptomisticGirl Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 Thanks everyone.. It's just that i miss him soo much! And i got used talking to him everyday on skype and now.. It seems like our schedules don't work so we can't skype.. But like he says we're gonna skype this night.. and then he doesn't text me , so its a bit frustrating.. Should i tell him? Your tlak time will always drop in constancy the longer you are together. My husband and I use to talk 12 hours out of the day (with a 5 hour time difference) but now it totals about 1, maybe 2 hours a day depending on work schedules and such. but while the length of time may drop, the quality of talks should increase. Link to comment
anna0511 Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 Your tlak time will always drop in constancy the longer you are together. My husband and I use to talk 12 hours out of the day (with a 5 hour time difference) but now it totals about 1, maybe 2 hours a day depending on work schedules and such. but while the length of time may drop, the quality of talks should increase. This is very true! I talk to my boyfriend everyday, but because of the 13 hour time difference and our school/work schedules, we plan our talks so that it doesn't conflict other things in the day. I find this helps because we don't wait for phone calls from each other throughout the day and can focus on our lives. It also means that we can make time in our schedule for meaningful conversations. And when there are times when there are unexpected breaks communication and when that happens, we know it's because something unexpected came up. Any anxiety can easily be quelled by letting each other know in advance with short text or email. Without any precedent, I don't think there's any reason for you to think about the worst case scenario if you don't hear from them and just assume they are busy. Link to comment
tinybob Posted October 24, 2011 Share Posted October 24, 2011 I never had those insecurities with my husband - we are still LDR. I never questioned or went crazy when he didn't email me or anything - I knew he would when he had time. right. i think when you have a basic level of trust and comfort you don't worry so much about how often you are texted, called, emailed. Link to comment
OptomisticGirl Posted October 24, 2011 Share Posted October 24, 2011 right. i think when you have a basic level of trust and comfort you don't worry so much about how often you are texted, called, emailed. I think when you have a self knowledge of yourself as well helps. Link to comment
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