Mercurial Girl Posted October 22, 2011 Share Posted October 22, 2011 Seriously. I don't recognize myself anymore. I feel like I'm losing it. I'm so anxious, i care so damn much what people think of me. People I know, people I'll never see again. I have zero confidence anymore. I used to be a natural leader, now I'm just a control freak. I'm beyond being an introvert. I'm a scared-of-everything-unfamiliar introvert. Introversion is great, social anxiety is ruining my life. I just broke up with someone I love out of the blue and I don't know why. I don't deserve him anyway. He gets the worst of my moodswings. I was so lucky to be with someone who accepted me for all my shortcomings (and I have more than my share) and who loves me so much and all of a sudden I leave him crying and brokenhearted. Why did I push him away? I don't feel like I have control over my mind or emotions anymore. Who is this person living in my head what happened to the old me? Why can't I be in a good mood for more than a couple hours? Eerythingfeels intimidating to me. I don't do anything intimidating. I have even put off tanning for months, what the hell why? This sounds cliche but I don't even know who I am anymore, I am never myself. I haven't been since I was 10. I was the total goof as a kid and I had many friends but I suddenly changed? I don't know who I am as an adult because it's all been a bit of an act I'm always in some kind of pain. My tummy, daily headaches, neck aches, insomnia, just ask my...ex....I'm always feeling ill one way or another. But I'm pretty "healthy" physically anyway. I don't know why I'm posting this other than that I think I've lost my mind but I'm sitting here not sure what to do about it. I've considered the idea of therapy but 1) I don't get my point accross well because half my vocabulary goes out the window when I'm talking to anyone 2) I don't have money for mittens and winter boots let alone therapy sessions and 3) public counseling services are so busy that they have me on a 1yr waitlist ascrisis situations come first and finally 4) I'll probably put it off for the rest of my life anyway. There's this incredibly sensible and logical person inside me and then there's this nutcase just saying "no" and winning against the logical side. Link to comment
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