how to remain calm when you've been dumped

[im_the_undead]

I realize a few friends of mine and I have been freaking out lately.

Personally, I wasn't necessarily given a clear answer on whether

my relationship is over or not, so the silent treatment is really taking a toll on me.

I haven't stopped crying or been able to sleep in a few days

which is affecting my already delicate health.

And certain friends of mine haven't stopped drinking or partying.

I know they're just trying to numb out the pain, and I don't want to get back into that.

I'm sure my SO is out drinking and partying as well. Smh, but whatever.

Am I just supposed to sit here and feel every second of the hurt until it goes away, vs. party?

[Moonchill]

You can party without losing yourself in the booze... Or you can choose another form of distraction. Do you paint? For me painting is a nice way to calm down my thoughts..

[im_the_undead]

I wish I painted. I spend my time shopping on line to distract myself -_- it's becoming a bad habit.

[RitaTrue]

You'll feel the stages of grief as they come to you. And, if you want to speed up the progress, you'll need to delve into something positive and reconstructive. ( I.e. compulsive shopping will get you nowhere except bad credit and more tears.)

 

How do you remain calm? I dont know how everyone else did it. I can only speak for me.

As for me personally, when my ex dumped me, I cried for that first week. After that, I was obsessive about how we used to be and our relationship together for the first month. It was horrible. In fact, the day after I decided to go NC, was the first day of my new job. It was very, very hard. But after the first 30 days, it became easier. Much easier. I've been NC for about 2 months now, and its done wonders. I'm about 70-75% over him.

 

So, my best answer would be: During the first month, feel your emotions. Journal them. Blog them. Visit these boards and talk about them (there are even threads here just for that purpose). After that first month, start getting YOURSELF back together. That helps you to remain calm AND find yourself again.

[im_the_undead]

thank you. i'm having such a hard time not texting/calling or talking about him to others.

but at least today when i start to txt i erase it.

it upsets me more that i'm always stuck at home..

[RitaTrue]

thank you. i'm having such a hard time not texting/calling or talking about him to others.

but at least today when i start to txt i erase it.

it upsets me more that i'm always stuck at home..

 

 

=]

I know what you mean with the friends. I felt like I was bothering my friends too, but I still wanted to talk about my ex and my feelings about my break up. In fact, this was the reason why I started looking for a relationship forum...and eventually found ENA. I wish I found this place MONTHS ago.

 

My next piece of advice would be to stop tempting yourself with the writing-erasing of texts. All it takes is one finger to slip, before you send the text to your ex. Instead, try these ENA threads instead.

 

>> "The No Contact Challenge"

 

>> "Post Here Instead Of Contacting Your Ex" thread

 

 

Also, get out the house more. This is important too (and I speak as an introvert). Getting out of the house will give you good distractions. The more you stay at home, the more you'll just reminisce and get depressed. As for me, I took up weight training. I've been doing this for about a month now, and I'm seeing positive changes already.

 

Delve into something you want to do for a change.